I SURVIVED THURSDAY

Today's work day was a cranky ol' giant with a club, giving me a beating. Who/what/why this giant? I don’t know. The day started off so good catching up with friends and I felt light and full, but then I was sitting at my desk in the office, and after feeling like I had been there for hours, I checked the clock to see that it was only 8:55AM. I knew it was going to be a long day.

It might have had something to do with the fact that Sloane woke up extra early, which means I get less sleep, and maybe it has something to do with the fact that I missed her like crazy. Whatever it was, it felt like I was riding on the back of a very hung-over-snail to get to the end of the day. I listened to a lot of podcasts, per usual, and one of them inspired me to make a list of things that energize me.  

But also, before starting on the list, I did a quick sketch of what I think a stick figure of a giraffe should be like.

So there.

DIY MOUNTAIN PILLOW

this is awesome. make a mountain! and then hug it!

NEW YEAR'S EVE

I apologize in advance for the photo dump that is about to happen here, but most of them has a baby in it, if that assuages anything. As I write this, the temperature outside is slowly rising to a high of 64, and the weather folk says that it is going to be in the 70s this weekend, but I swear it is still January, right? And if my mind is kind and serves me well, the holidays just happened.

As much as I don’t like the cold and do not like snow (yes, I repeat, I do not like snow), since I had a formative, picturesque and nostalgia-inducing childhood in New Jersey, where it snowed in the truckfuls, Christmas doesn’t quite feel like itself without snow. I find myself wondering if I want Sloane to associate Christmas with snow, like I did, and have that fuzzy feeling of Christmasyness which involves holly, the smell of fir trees, wood, snowmen and snow angels – which is all so nice. But then I decide that no, it’s definitely not necessary, and it’s most important to me that she associate the holidays with family, gratitude, and the traditions that we make for ourselves to give thanks.

Having this baby girl makes me appreciate family even more than ever, and I am still giddy over the fact that my parents can be here for almost a month. They live in Seoul, South Korea, so it’s extra special that they are able to visit for a longer period than usual. They got here the night of Christmas, and so did my sister, her fiancé, Val, and my cousin, Lois. They were still here while we hopped (I mean, crawled) over to NYC for a couple of days, and when we got back, we celebrated New Year’s Eve and Day together with dinner, champagne, family worship, and some games. We missed my other sister and her fellow, but it felt full and I do love having our house full of family. Here are some photos from New Year’s Eve: ...

I BELONG WITH YOU YOU BELONG WITH ME

the rad photo was taken by saena

This little spot of sun is 5 and a half months this weekend. 

22 weeks! 

we did it! 

instead of an essay, i want to say things like: 

baby, 

your laughs are my bliss, your cries are my ghosts.

did you really use to just lay there like a rock once upon a time?

is there anything you don't want to put in your mouth?

is that smile really for me?

your smiles are my fuel, your cheeks are magnets for my lips

sometimes you are an extension of me, sometimes, 

i realize you are a whole other person of your own

and it floors me.

and then, cue this song. are we sick of this song, yet? hope not. it's so good. 

 i dance my baby to it.

IN WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW

Today was a bit of a haze. Being back at work after a long break wasn't too bad – hello, structure -  but it was also disorienting. I could feel my brain scrambling like mad to figure out what it is exactly that I do at that desk, and I found myself having to find comfort and stability in my cups of coffee.  I also missed the baby a whole ton. I had gotten used to being able to see her and squeeze her whenever I wanted.

Have we all transitioned into the new year okay? I guess another and more accurate way to ask this question is, did everyone survive the holidays? Are we back? Forward and onwards? I do like the newness of a brand new year, almost entirely because it feels like a page turn (I actually hear in my mind the turning of a page whenever I think of December 31 becoming January 1), but making resolutions has always felt a little forced, which is why I like the part where one reflects on the past year more than the part where you make plans for the upcoming one.   Also, it seems unnecessary because that kind of intentionality is what I try to do on a daily basis – reflect, resolve, repeat – hey, isn’t that what this blog is for?  Oh heyyy.

To be clear, I am a planner and I am a dreamer, but the more specific I can get, the better. Resolutions always seem a little vague and unrealistic and open-ended to me, and I don’t like that. I make to-do lists every day, and if those count as resolutions, I guess those are mine.

If this blog is any indicator, and I guess like any person who blogs, I like the process of documenting and reflecting. This blog is my creative outlet right now in that it forces me to write regularly and practice photography, but it is also my mode of reflection. When I document and reflect, there is absolutely no way that I can avoid arriving at a place where I am utterly grateful. And in a way, that is maybe the underlying goal of this blog, to practice and reflect on my gratitude through all of the little things and big things.

I could say a lot about what I learned this past year, but I will keep it to this one thing, the thing that I think is one of the more important things that I could have learned, as well as something that I had been striving for. A few years ago, I resolved that I wanted to be a person who is both deeply rooted in the things of the present, while dreaming and hoping for glorious fruits to grow from my branches. And while I have always been really good about dreaming up and for things, I was less good at reveling in the present. But something about this past year – getting pregnant, deciding to buy a house, having a baby, learning how to do life as a mother and wife, and evaluating my friendships in that light – taught me how to truly live and just BE in each present moment.  I love that this is the lesson that I’ve learned this past year, especially as a new mother, because having peace about where the lines have fallen frees me to be more truly myself.  I wasn’t expecting it and that’s the beauty of it, too - that the true growth was in me letting go and being able to receive a peace that transcends my own understandings.

So, 2013, welcome.  
But better yet, January 3, let's do this. 

36 HOURS IN NYC

i love everything about new york city and its surrounding areas, i always have and i always will. it also helps that it's where some of my favorite people live so it goes without saying that i get excited for any opportunity to go up there. this most recent opportunity, however, didn't turn out quite as planned, and to make a long story short, it took us 12 hours (in the pouring rain) to make it up there (yes, with a 5 month old baby in the car), and then another 11 or so hours to get back down. this was all in order to spend a whopping 36 hours in the city (or more accurately, long island city & williamsburg). needless to say, we were a tad bit traumatized by the ordeal and promised ourselves that we would either fly or plan for a longer trip next time. lesson learned. and you know what, as rough as it was, it was worth it for me to see these lovely faces - our friends brian and saena, and my sister, sharon and her man, paul. plus, sloane got her first whiff of the city.

 the trip included eating leftovers, playing games, getting a tibetan massage, eating at momofuku ssam bar, stopping in at a milk bar, seeing my sister's place for the first time, checking out their pocket of w-burg, and a place called videology, and stopping by for some dim sum in bay ridge on our way out, which was delicious.

A CHRISTMAS IN REVIEW

i know christmas is now long and gone, but here are my quick five notes on our christmas, which happened in two parts - in virginia beach with ken's family and then in richmond with mine. 

one. it was sloane's first christmas and she got loved on by relatives so hard. she is one lucky baby.

two. sloane's favorite part seems to be clawing at the wrapping paper. noted.

three.  yayyy my parents are heree...!!!

four. i am in love with all the different kinds of handmade wrapping paper my cousin lois and my sister eunice came up with.

five. we are full of love for our families and our little one. 

LET'S DO THIS

Presents are wrapped and decorations are up, and just in time, too. I strung up Christmas cards, kind of decorated a Christmas 'mantle' and tied tiny ornaments on our super skinny tinsel tree. And as always, these things will probably stick around for a few weeks after Christmas, just to get that much more out of the season. I like to pretend the Christmas season stretches on till a few weeks into January.

We are in va beach right now with ken's family for xmas part 1 and it is lovely to be able to spend time with a whole lot of them for the holidays and be around for them to love on Sloane. We are going to do xmas part 2 back up in Richmond tomorrow night when my parents fly in, before heading out of town again for a couple of days. It's a busy week, and sleep has not been good for the past couple of days, but I am trying to stay present lest the whole week flies by without me being able to appreciate all the wonderful little moments.

1 day 'till Christmas!

MY SIDEKICK

sloane, i just want to jot this down real quick so that you and i can remember this later. 

one time, on a windy and sunny saturday afternoon when your dad had gone out of town, you and i went to carytown to run errands and do some last minute shopping. i grabbed some coffee and proceeded to spend the next 3 hours walking down the street, in and out of stores, and even though it took longer than i expected and the crowds were just as hectic as i expected, you were the best sidekick a mom could ever ask for. you were patient, pleasant and adorable. which are the best qualities a baby sidekick could have. i know it got boring after a while, and you would go from cold to sweaty because i bundled you up so warm that the inside of stores probably felt like a furnace, but you stuck it through, and was pretty much a rockstar in my opinion. you stared wide-eyed at everything you saw, smiled when i sang you christmas songs, took a quick nap when you got tired, and didn't complain, even though i expected you to.  thanks for keeping me company, i love hanging out with you.

walking in carytown with baby =  favorite saturday afternoon activity 

she needs her own sized sunnies

check out those sleigh bells!

merry christmas from RVA

my partner in (errand-running) crime 

2 days 'till Christmas!

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND'S HOLIDAY WORK PARTY HAS A PHOTOBOOTH

...you come home with photos like these:

hey, my husband looks surprisingly good in a green cowboy hat and boa feathers. 

3 days 'till Christmas!

WHAT WE HAD FOR DINNER

This week I'm starting with Sunday, because that's the meal I happened to take a photo of. 

What we had for dinner: 12/16 – 12/21

+Sunday:

Chicken roast with garlic and potatoes: I used this recipe, but added carrots, red onion, and mushrooms. I also substituted beef stock for chicken stock ('cause that's what we happened to have) and added some butter before popping it in the oven. This was really good. 

+Monday: 

Grilled ham and cheese with spicy cranberry sauce (cranberry sauce + thai sweet chili sauce) and chicken noodle soup (thanks, progresso)

+Tuesday:

We had Ken's family in town, and we all went out to Mamma Zu's, which was extremely pleasurable. 

+Wednesday:

Spaghetti with meatballs

+Thursday:

Ken's holiday work party at the Boathouse! 

+Friday: 

Grilled steak, green beans & saffron rice

HER SMILES ARE MY FAVORITE

K.'s cousin, Norman, was in town for a hot second and he took these lovely pictures of Sloane. They are so great because they so capture how smiley and giggly she's been lately.

 I am in love.