IN WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW

Today was a bit of a haze. Being back at work after a long break wasn't too bad – hello, structure -  but it was also disorienting. I could feel my brain scrambling like mad to figure out what it is exactly that I do at that desk, and I found myself having to find comfort and stability in my cups of coffee.  I also missed the baby a whole ton. I had gotten used to being able to see her and squeeze her whenever I wanted.

Have we all transitioned into the new year okay? I guess another and more accurate way to ask this question is, did everyone survive the holidays? Are we back? Forward and onwards? I do like the newness of a brand new year, almost entirely because it feels like a page turn (I actually hear in my mind the turning of a page whenever I think of December 31 becoming January 1), but making resolutions has always felt a little forced, which is why I like the part where one reflects on the past year more than the part where you make plans for the upcoming one.   Also, it seems unnecessary because that kind of intentionality is what I try to do on a daily basis – reflect, resolve, repeat – hey, isn’t that what this blog is for?  Oh heyyy.

To be clear, I am a planner and I am a dreamer, but the more specific I can get, the better. Resolutions always seem a little vague and unrealistic and open-ended to me, and I don’t like that. I make to-do lists every day, and if those count as resolutions, I guess those are mine.

If this blog is any indicator, and I guess like any person who blogs, I like the process of documenting and reflecting. This blog is my creative outlet right now in that it forces me to write regularly and practice photography, but it is also my mode of reflection. When I document and reflect, there is absolutely no way that I can avoid arriving at a place where I am utterly grateful. And in a way, that is maybe the underlying goal of this blog, to practice and reflect on my gratitude through all of the little things and big things.

I could say a lot about what I learned this past year, but I will keep it to this one thing, the thing that I think is one of the more important things that I could have learned, as well as something that I had been striving for. A few years ago, I resolved that I wanted to be a person who is both deeply rooted in the things of the present, while dreaming and hoping for glorious fruits to grow from my branches. And while I have always been really good about dreaming up and for things, I was less good at reveling in the present. But something about this past year – getting pregnant, deciding to buy a house, having a baby, learning how to do life as a mother and wife, and evaluating my friendships in that light – taught me how to truly live and just BE in each present moment.  I love that this is the lesson that I’ve learned this past year, especially as a new mother, because having peace about where the lines have fallen frees me to be more truly myself.  I wasn’t expecting it and that’s the beauty of it, too - that the true growth was in me letting go and being able to receive a peace that transcends my own understandings.

So, 2013, welcome.  
But better yet, January 3, let's do this.