I'm going to be honest. It's been hard these days to feel like I'm doing a good job of being a working mom. It's a lot of things, but mostly it is that my heart and mind are constantly with the kids due to all these changes, and I want large chunks of time to establish family rhythm together without the rush of school and work.
I do want to work, I need to work because of my student loans, and luckily I do like working, but when you have young kids - even if you really like working - you are constantly assessing the effect of time away from your kids. I have been a full-time working mom for five years now, and I can attest that some seasons are better than others. This season here now feels a little harder because of the transitions. I recently read a great blog post by a mom (who homeschools) about her daily rhythm, and while it was helpful, it also made me feel envious of all that time they have that is all of their own. I know that homeschooling life comes with a whole set of other challenges that are different, and usually I am grateful for the challenges that are my own, but these days that grass looks greener and shinier. I took a stab at writing down what our family's weekdays look like and came up with this:
6:00 AM | MORNING
On the weekdays, the alarm is set for 6:00 AM. On a good day, I actually wake up at 6:00. On other days, I wake up at 6:15. Ideally, I would wake up an hour earlier. Some days, the girls pad into our room and climb into bed for a couple of minutes of snuggling (Sloane snuggling and Logan sitting on top of me yelling, "Eat! Eat!"). Other days, we go into their room to wake them up with kisses. Usually, I start getting ready while Ken helps Sloane and Logan get dressed and washed up. While they are finishing up, I go down to the kitchen to start breakfast. Hopefully, I've already packed lunch and snacks the night before, and then it's breakfast on the table by 6:45, while Ken takes his turn getting ready (he usually doesn't eat breakfast, or grabs it to go). I try to make sure breakfast starts by 6:45 so that we can have time to take a deep breath and I can have time with the girls before we start the day; I hate having to rush them in the mornings. We are out the door by 7:15 so that Sloane can catch the bus by 7:20, and then Ken goes to work and I leave to drop Logan at her daycare before getting into work by between 8:00 and 8:15.
5:00 PM | EVENING
I leave work around 5:00 to go pick Logan up first, and then go get Sloane at her after school care. It is around 6:00 PM when we get home, and I am immediately getting dinner on the table while catching up with the girls. Ken doesn't get home until 7:00 PM or after, so on the days I go to Crossfit, I have to get dinner on the table, make sure the girls eat, eat myself, and then change into gym clothes to be out the door by 7:00 PM. If I go to Crossfit, I get back home by 9:00 PM, the girls are already in bed so I sneak in there to give them kisses, shower, and then try to get the dishes done, pack lunches for the next day, and do a little tidying. Ken and I also try to spend some time catching up at the end of the day together. Even if this is all I do, it is a good and rare night if I get to bed around 10:00 PM before I have to start it all over again the next day. This is why it is difficult to go to Crossfit as much as I would like to; even though I love it when I do get to go, it gives me barely any time with the girls during the week. If I don't go to Crossfit or go to some other event that occasionally comes up during the weekday, I can take things slow and enjoy the girls from about 6:00 to 7:30PM. I love having this time with them. 7:30 is when we start getting them ready for bed. After they are washed up and tucked in, we read a couple of books, sing a few songs, talk about our day and snuggle in bed. Ideally, they are down by 8:00, but sometimes we have stragglers who wander out for a cup of water, an itchy foot, or an extra hug. On these nights, after the girls are down, I may do some meal prep that I wasn't able to get done during the weekend, clean up the kitchen, catch up on emails, do some blog prep, write, edit photos, put in some time on things I'm working on these days, or work on the podcast with Ken.
There it is. Some days it feels fine, and other days it feels like I am trapped on a hamster wheel. In order to avoid the latter, I have been practicing the habit of holding on to certain moments and slowing them down. Like when we are done with dinner and Sloane is telling me about her day, I like being able to hold her and give her my full attention. Even if it just for 10 minutes, if I am fully present and attentive, it feels like I am slowing things down and the time spent feels longer than if I am rushed or half-way present. Or if it is obvious Logan needs to be held a little more that day, I like to be able to just sit on the sofa and hold her for 5 minutes without any other agenda and just be there with her. We both get the most out of it that way.
I should also say, things that are also part of this daily weekday rhythm are: 1) the time that I have in the car with the girls to talk about the day, discuss questions they have, and listen to music together; 2) once in a while, I will be able to wake up earlier than the alarm clock and it is nice to have that quiet time at the beginning of the day. My goal is always to get back to the habit of this, which means sleeping earlier; 3) Ken and I have decided we will try to keep Wednesdays as free as possible - free from other commitments, and with Ken coming home earlier, so that we can do things like eat dinner together and play outside together. It is nice to have that to look forward to in the middle of the week; 4) trying to get a lot of things out of the way on the weekends, like meal prep, and laundry if we are lucky, to make it a little easier on us during the week; 5) Ken and I communicate a lot during the day, mostly through text, but it makes us feel connected to each other throughout the day.
Our rhythm during the weekends are obviously vastly different…which is why I love weekends so much! Because of the difference in pace during the weekend, I revel in it: the luxury of one moment stretching into the next, being with the girls as much as possible, being at home or going out on adventures, and the space to fit in small tasks here and there.
I'm trying to regard these two different rhythms - the weekday versus the weekend - as both important and crucial to our life. I tell myself one needs the other, and there is a balance that can be tweaked out and practiced here in a way that will truly be beneficial for us.
I took these photos while I was getting dinner prepped on Friday after work. Ken had gotten off work earlier and went to go pick Sloane off so that they can go grocery shopping together, so I only had to pick up Logan and then we came home and it was just us (and Rusty) taking our time heating up the food and waiting for Ken and Sloane.
Logan took this one.
And this one. ("Look mom! I took a picture of Rusty!")
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