SLOW AND STEADY

The other night, the grownups were talking and we looked over to find these two with their faces turned towards each other mid-air. Os was offering a forehead kiss and a Sloane was awaiting one, expectantly. Os' response to our inquiries  of what he was doing was just as adorable as their little cherub faces.  

It is hard to describe what it's like to be a parent to a new explorer, even though I am always trying. One fundamental aspect of parenting is that there a magical moments and there are really hard moments. That is just the nature of it, and it holds a microscope to the ups and downs that are formative of a hearty and deep soul. Meaning, it's necessary that it be that way. 

One morning, everyone was running late, and it came down to 15 minutes before we had to get out the door.  Sloane was eating her breakfast, and having a meltdown about everything. She had been under the weather, she was cranky, and she needed things to go slow. I was frustrated and stressed about getting out the door on time, but I quickly saw how this was making things worse. A pause, and I could see that she needed me to sit down with her and respond with my full attention. So a few songs, several conversations, some snuggles, a finished breakfast and 45 minutes later, we were able to head out the door. I knew I was late to work, but in the car, she made me laugh with her funny observations and she gave me the biggest hug and kiss when I dropped her off. 

And that's another layer of it that makes it hard. It made me sad, that as a working mom, that this part of the battle too: Often having to choose what wins out between my time as a mother and my time as a office worker. Most of the time she is fine, and she loves her daycare, but it always feels a little painful to not be able to take extra time with her when I know she needs it. And this is an issue not because I want to be an all-star at work, but just so that I can be a reliable employee who can keep her job and help pay our bills. And this can come into play even between mothering time and personal time. Not because a mother is selfish, but because she needs personal time in order to remain whole, healthy and be a good mother and wife. 

Again, some days are harder than others, not necessarily always because of the baby, but because of all the other factors of life that I must balance. 

Balance, wisdom, reflection: I'm clinging to these things. 

There is a old song by Caedmon's Call that resonates with me, and I'll share some of the lyrics here. The song is called, 'Sacred':

My cup runneth over 

And I worry about the stain

Teach me to run to you 

Like they run to me for every little thing 

When I forget to drink from you 

I can feel the banks harden

Lord, make me like a steam

To feed the garden 

Wake up, little sleeper

The Lord, God Almighty 

made your mama keeper 

So rise and shine, rise and shine

Rise and shine, cause 

Everything is sacred

And all this time 

Everything I've ever dreamed of

Has been right before my eyes.