OUR HEARTS ARE ON FIRE

This morning, as we approached the door to daycare, Sloane stuck her pointer finger and pushed the doorbell.

My hair is getting ridiculous. I could hide secrets, snacks, and Sloane all in there if need be.

If I could make love to this potent and delicious cup of coffee, I would… and then tell you about it.



Now that all that is out of the way....



I feel particularly raw about all of the wretched news lately. There is always bad news, but it has been hitting the bull’s eye of my sadness and fears. 55 civilians killed in Egypt over the conflict between generals who forced out the president and his Islamist supporters, 2 dead and 160 injured from a plane crash in San Francisco, 5 dead and 40 missing from a runaway oil tanker that derailed into a town in Quebec, 19 firefighters from Prescott killed while fighting the Yarnell Hill Fire, man on trial for holding captive three women in his home, seven year old boy killed when he was struck by a bullet that someone randomly fired …freak car accidents…freak diseases and bacteria. It may have something to do with being a mom and realizing how much more vulnerable I am to fears and worries. I feel so helpless in protecting my family from all the bad in the world.

What a balancing act it is. Be aware, let yourself feel the sadness but not too much, don’t drown, lest you can’t function, feel frustrated, realize you have to keep living your life, be grateful, try to believe prayers are actually powerful, pray, take in the admonishment that worrying is pointless, be grateful for what you do have, but don’t forget, don’t block out the world, weep, take a good long look at how healthy and beautiful your daughter is, resolve to focus on the one, dream about having several, enjoy the present, plan for the future, sleep.

My house is full with family right now and I love it. It’s a little bit of a madhouse at times, and I blame it on the fact that I am not on a summer break, so I still have full working days, which means I can’t lounge around to hang out for as much as I like, so I have to take things in little bit sized pieces as I am running on to the next thing I have to do. My dad is here for two weeks, my mom is here for a month, my cousins are here for the week, my sister will be here for the weekend and my other sister is getting married on Saturday. I need this entire month off.

One of the things we discussed with friends this past weekend was how one of the crucial responsibilities of a father, especially a new father, is to help out with the housework. It’s not glamorous, but it’s real life. This is part of what Ken and I both learned over the past year, and are still learning now. Along with how to delegate, initiate, manage expectations, communicate, sacrifice, and rest. I’d like to give both of us pats on the back at this moment about how we have been growing in this regard. I’d like to give Ken an extra pat on the back for folding laundry last night. Laundry is one of those things that just does not get folded in this house (gotta pick and choose the priorities) and in the midst of bummer moment that he was having because the desktop is being a little dog, he did some laundry folding. He’s good at it too.

Speaking of friends over this past weekend, one of the other things that we tried to do was spend the morning by the river. I was so excited for this because it had been so long since we got to go to my favorite river spot, and it would be Sloane’s first river experience, but ALAS, it has been raining too much and the water turned out to be way too high. It was still nice trekking through the woods and Sloane eyeballed me and her eyeballs said, we need to do this again.