SUMMER UNIFORM

this boardwalk dress from ace and jig would be a good dress to live in 

SLOANE AT 8 MONTHS (OH MY SHE IS GETTING SO BIG!)

Once she learned that she could move across the floor on her hands and knees, she seamlessly transitioned into pulling herself up in her crib, onto boxes, up against the sofa, anything that will stand still for her.  She will sometimes try to pull herself up onto a wall, impervious to the fact that there is no ledge or handle to hold onto, she will put both of her palms against the wall and try to push up with her legs. Legs which resemble the trunks of an elephant. Ken tirelessly comments on how hefty her legs are, as he squeezes them with delight. I watch, already mourning the inevitable loss of the extra chub. Her confidence has grown over the past few weeks, and she crawls, pulls up, goes from laying down to sitting up, walks along her crib, all with the speed and confidence of an expert. Her confidence amuses me, makes me proud; and it amuses me that I feel pride about such things.  Her confidence and mobility also brought the sort of awareness of her surroundings that makes bedtime that much more difficult.  No matter the effort to soothe, calm, and prepare her for bed, once she is placed in laying position, she immediately pops up and comes to standing position against her crib, bouncing up and down, giving you sweet smiles trying to convince you to Stay! Play! Don’t leave me here! After several attempts, I usually end up nursing her to sleep, which is the most effective, but not necessarily the preferred method. Ken and I are discussing other battle strategies that we will implement to convince this little one that bed time can be the best time.

Vocal utterances now include the sounds of ‘mamama’, ‘bababa’, ‘nanana’, ‘ho-ta’, ‘rah rah’, 'weh', ' pah', 'yah', as well as the very loudly declared ‘Ah!’ which she enjoys best as a call and response. She has also discovered the joy of the raspberry, and is extremely pleased when you blllrrrrrrrr right back at her. 

She is so very sweet with Ken’s grandmother.

She loves to watch me dance. It makes me feel like a prima ballerina.

She is a happy and willing participant when I use her as a weight for my squats.

Her personality still seems to be this mix of relaxed and stubborn – which could be a reflecting of her parent’s personalities somewhat, but it could also just be what babyhood is.

And again, I have to write myself a little note here to comment about how this little creature finds it intuitive? necessary? to stare deep into the faces of people she sees. I’ve seen her grow absolutely still looking at a new person, or a relatively new person, with the most serious expression, trying to take them in. I’ve also seen her do this when looking at a painting. I’ve resolved to take her to the art museum again soon.

I find my bliss in hearing her laugh and giggling with her.

A LITTLE SALON

I had a little get together a few weeks ago where friends brought pieces of songs/music/poems that they love or created for the purposes of sharing, and it was something kind of wonderful. Here is what I learned:

1-  Being in a creative space -  a space where people are talking about creativity, how they want to be creative, their creative aspirations, why creativity is important, and what they have created - can re-energize the soul. 

2 -  There is this innate belief that we have as humans, that when you are vulnerable, you are also your true self – sincere, genuine. Even though exposing your creative soul can be a scary thing, it is brilliant for its potential to forge real connections between people. Connections that occur, joyfully, easily, because you can see that what they are communicating to you is something of their true nature, without pretense or branding. There is a kind of solidarity that happens, of personhood, wherein we rally together to say that we are passionate and we are moved. That even though it is hard to both pursue and stay in the moment, we are trying, together.

3 - I absolutely love being in this kind of space.

NEW LIFE, HOPE, AND JOY

I had grand plans to engage in some sort of Easter craft this past weekend, maybe Easter egg piñatas, at least some egg dyes, but it fell behind the list of things like spending hours watching the baby pull herself up onto anything that would let her, which was highly entertaining, and taking a shower, which was highly necessary. There was nary a colored egg in the house, but I’m pretty sure no one minded. Food for thought though, am I going to be the kind of mother who goes all out and makes Easter baskets for her kids? Or will I be the kind of mom who rolls her eyes at the commercialization of Easter and explains to her kids that it’s all a ruse? It could go either way! K.’s mother and grandmother came into town, and from all the extra love and attention Sloane was getting I’m sure she knew something was up. K. and I spent a minute on Sunday morning explaining to Sloane the meaning of Easter, not that she understood, but more as a habit for her parents to get used to sitting down and explaining things like that to her, and note to selves: we need the practice.

One of the most memorable things to me from my childhood about Easter were the plays about the crucifixion and resurrection that always went on during this time, and also, the Easter outfits. More than other church-related holidays, Easter outfits are a thing, right? Living in a house with two sisters, I remember new dresses, (sometimes matching!) and I have vague memories of flouncing about in the feeling of newness and spring. I’m glad it’s still a thing because I got a kick out of all the little people dressed in Easter outfits at church yesterday, and an even bigger kick out of dressing my baby in pastel and floral. My parents sent us a Happy Easter email that said, “May the promise of new life, hope, and joy fill your heart on Easter season!” and it had a picture of Sloane attached to it. Even though it was a grey, cloudy, rainy Easter, seeing all the babes dressed like spring, and seeing my new baby full of life and wonder, made this Easter feel extra special.

ENJOYING A BABY

I just wanted to say, for the record, how much I am enjoying this baby of mine these days.

Honestly, things got a little hairy when it got to month 6 back in January. It was the accumulation of too many factors and responsibilities all mushed into one giant snowball and stuffed in my face, making for rough days and an often overwhelmed version of myself.  It’s how I expected to feel much earlier during the very beginning stages of motherhood, but apparently most of that had stayed at bay until my parents were here a few months ago, allowing me some room and space to acknowledge that I was spent, and be okay with that.

 Maybe because I was prepared for the worst, but the first few months of the baby’s life was not the life turning upside down debacle that I had imagined (main ingredient: hindsight).   Yes, sometimes I felt like I was in a hamster wheel, and all that leaking in the beginning was NOT cool, but I never felt truly overwhelmed. Also, full disclosure, this can be largely attributed to the fact that she was a really good newborn - straightforward with not too much fuss. When I went back to work, I again, expected the worst, but it wasn’t that bad. I was extremely busy, especially in the mornings, but there I was doing it, not minding it all. I remember feeling extremely excited when I got off work and headed over to pick her up from daycare, and that feeling of her weight in my arms at the end of the day was my jet fuel.  But then, right about in the middle of January, it got really cold, my body started freaking out about nursing all of a sudden, Sloane started waking up in the middle of night, and the little sleep I was getting was not nearly enough. Suddenly, it felt like there was way too many chores to do around the house, I dreaded being at work, and it stopped making sense that I was dropping my baby off with someone else everyday.   Physical problems + lack of sleep + a million things to do = low quality Christine. It was an onslaught, and that’s when I remember feeling for the first time that I was really overwhelmed and that I needed a break. It was the first time since Sloane was born that I started fantasizing about having a day entirely to myself to do nothing, but midway through this fantasy, I would instantly feel guilty and homesick for my baby. Actually, I don’t think guilty is the right word.   I want to always be there for her, NOT because I think I should, but because I really do want to be the one that is there and does everything. Ken was great about helping, but it was based on me asking him to do things when I needed help, rather than dividing up responsibilities in a way that allowed him just as much initiative. It took a while, but this breaking point was when it got into my thick skull that I can’t possibly do everything, and there is no reason why I should. Taking a deep breath, realizing that I needed to give myself a break, dividing up responsibilities with Ken, and my recovering body, all helped me get some perspective and sanity.

This past week, I decided to give myself a real break and not cook any dinners during the weekday. I made a huge pot of beef vegetable soup on Sunday that lasted us a couple of days, we had leftovers another night, and ate out another. Having a break from the routine of starting dinner the minute I walked in the house, whilst trying to nurse Sloane and unwind from the day, was really good for me. I felt like I could just enjoy being with the baby a little more, and ENJOY I DID. She is SUCH a bundle of fun right now and I can’t get enough of her sweet face, noises, smiles, laughs and all her chub. Seriously, I can’t get enough.

So far, it seems like this motherhood thing constitutes peaks and valleys, being flexible, taking a chill pill, and a lot of hindsight. This is all part of the process, people, I'm learning.  I’m trying to be aware and prayerful during the exhausted times, and celebratory and joyful during the re-energized times. Life with a growing baby also means time whips by at a tremendous speed and I am making it a law of my heart to appreciate every single moment. Don’t get me wrong, I could really use more than the 5 hours of sleep I’ve been getting recently, but I’ve been hyper aware these days of how much I am being filled with love when I am with this baby and how I’m already a little sad knowing how fleeting this time (and all her chub!) is, and so I just wanted take a few moments to take a step back, a look back, a good look, to say, HEY I’M ENJOYING THIS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH I COULD BURST.

SLOANE AND JAMESON

Our good friends, the Hams, came into town to visit with their little one this past weekend, and it was one of those things where we were like, "I can't believe we have babies right now!" Time warp, that sort of thing. It was so nice to be able to spend some time out and about together, as well as to have some downtime at home crawling after these bugs.

Sloane has been trying to get her hands all up in Rusty's fur since the day she noticed he was around. Success.

And now, the Sloane and Jameson show:

FRESH FLOWERS IN YO FACE

In case you happen to be wandering 'round the internet, sniffing around for some signs of spring, I'm willing to share these tulips with you. I got these last Friday because: 1) it was spring, 2) it was the weekend, 3) they were on sale, and 4) sometimes it feels really good to buy yourself some flowers. Yes, it snowed today, but every time I glimpse these on the kitchen table, it makes me feel happy and buoyant. I'm forging ahead.

LOVELY THINGS ON A SNOWY SPRING DAY

You guys, it’s the first week of spring, and it’s snowing. This calls for staying indoors, creating a huge fluffy nest out of blankets to snuggle in, and drinking a hot mug of anything while day dreaming about pretty things. Never mind that I’m at work, crusty-eyed and nary a blanket in sight; here are some things to day dream about:

tank from Myth and Symbol via Bleubird Vintage

this makes me want to go do some push ups to get my arms ready for tank weather

i love this space from Covet Garden Magazine via wit & delight

it makes me miss our old warehouse apartment a little bit. also, i so appreciate that wall of bookshelves

beautiful bright prints on pillows and rugs from sofART via A Beautiful Mess

so many beautiful prints

wedges from h&m's online high-priced brand, & other stories

SOME STORIES FROM THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING THAT AREN'T REALLY ABOUT SPRING

It was the first day of spring yesterday, and we were all so glad about that, but then it snowed this morning and it was confusing and yeah, I'll say it, disappointing.  With no particular agenda except to say in a coaxing kind of way, 'c'mon spring, you can do it', here are some stories about things that went down yesterday.

1. It was my friend Laura’s birthday, and I think it’s some sort of lovely kismet that her birthday lands on the first day of spring. Noteworthy. 

2. BB Creams are all the rage these days. I have tried a few different kinds and have had mediocre feelings them all, but I recently got a free sample of Tarte's BB cream, which I tried yesterday morning, and so far, I like this one better than the other ones. Velvety texture, good coverage, SPF. 

3. First day of spring warranted a first-day-of-spring walk, so I made one happen during my lunch break.  It was during this walk that I learned: 1) there is a Jimmy John's opening up in Shockoe Bottom, 2) Anthony Bourdain is coming to Richmond, and 3)  Sad Desk Salad is a book I might want to check out.

4. On this same walk,  a man approached me. I had to pull out one of my earbuds to hear him ask about nearby lunch recommendations. He was an older guy, salt and pepper hair, and good looking in a way that was not intimidating. I started listing some places and learned that he wanted someplace particular to Richmond.  I don't usually jump to erratic conclusions when having pleasant conversations with strangers, but maybe because I had been snapped out of a in-my-own-podcast-world zone and I am sleep deprived, my mind immediately jumped to a place that assumed he was going to either kidnap me (yes, in broad daylight), ask me to join him for lunch (and then ask me to marry him), or sell me something.   This made for an extremely confusing version of myself, where I was trying to be friendly and helpful but also distant and brief. It turned out he was an airplane pilot from Texas who wanted to get out of his hotel room and explore the city before his next flight, and if I was of sound mind I would have probably engaged more and asked him questions that would make both of us feel like it was sometimes nice to make conversations with strangers.   I was probably less than a medium amount of helpful, which makes me really hope he ran into someone else that didn’t’ have crazy hair and distracted brain.  

4. After work, I stopped by Plaza Art for some supplies. I always get butterflies-doing-a- dance-in-my-stomach excited whenever I walk into an art supply store. It’s an entire store shouting, ‘make something!'  I love this.

5. When we all got home, the family went on a walk around the block. It's a good day when you can get in not just one, but TWO walks. It's even better if one of those walks is with a tiny wolf, chubby baby, and a husband who remembers to bring the plastic bag to pick up the dog poop. i mean, wolf poop.

 

6. During this particular walk, Sloane sat in the stroller without the car seat, like a big baby. Egad, she is getting big. These are a couple of pictures before our walk. Please note: baby fists, baby brow. 

7. I ended the night by making some apple, bacon, and caramelized onion turnovers, which we had for breakfast the next morning along with beautiful and tasty quiche by Meghan. 

And that was my day. Spring, I did my best. The ball's in your court.

WHAT SLOANE HAS TO LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN SHE'S A TEENAGER

I came home a little discouraged today because Sloane went from drinking a whole lot of milk at daycare last week, to only drinking a measly 6 oz today. She also only got one hour  of a nap. It may not seem like a big deal, but Sloane has been waking up several times during the night this past week and I'm worried about things like teething and whether she is getting enough milk, so after several days of wonky sleep and a long day at work, I don't know, it was somehow especially disheartening.  Straw that broke the camel's back, that sort of a thing. Anyways, I felt like I was a little bit in slow motion and was making dinner in slow motion mode while Ken was feeding Sloane at the table, when I noticed that there was some interrogatory thing happening and listened in.  I just wanted to share here a little bit of what I overheard and saw while making dinner.  This is a story about what Sloane has to look forward to, but it's also a story about how my husband can make me laugh even when I feel like I couldn't possibly have the energy

The key thing to note here is that all of this is 1) one-sided, and 2) in the tone of good cop/bad cop:

As he feeds her a spoonful of pureed green beans,
So...tell me about what's going on at daycare these days, Sloane. What are the kids up to? Anyone smoking up?  Crack? Sneaking it in behind the teacher's back?

Sloane has been blowing raspberries like a boss, and today she was blowing them especially loud and wet right at the spoon, instead of opening her mouth.
Where'd you learn to do that? Did someone tell you to do that when you are eating? Was it Max? Not in this household young lady.
Sloane laughs delightedly.

Sloane stares intently at the bar cart.
Is that what they told you to do? Did you tell them about how you sit really close to all the alcohol? And they said that you should sneak them some? Is that it? Did Britney (one of the daycare workers) tell you to get her some?

Sloane watches Ken while he drinks a glass of ice tea.
That's right. My breastmilk is brown...and it's delicious.