END OF SUMMER THINGS

Always start close. 

That's going to be my mantra for this next writing season.  I've always posited that some people write to express and others to communicate, and mostly I've put myself in the "to communicate" camp. But more recently, I'm realizing that focusing too much on sending words out zaps some of the joy, wonder and mystery out of it for me.  

There needs to be both, if not in equal measure, and maybe sometimes it's one or the other.  I'm not doing this for anyone else except myself, and the doing of it is what matters to me.  I feel the must-ness of writing, for what purpose, that is unknowable to me and I'm at peace with that. 

Sometimes writing feels like how A.A. Milne describes it: "Ideas may drift into other minds, but they do not drift my way. I have to go and fetch them. I know no work manual or mental to equal the appaling heart-breaking anguish of fetching an idea from nowhere." 

So I start close. Not with grandiose ideas that I've been daydreaming and munching on, because those need to marinate for a long time. Not with to-do tips or life lessons because I don't feel this need to verbalize them just yet.  But with details. The details that surround me. 

I woke before the alarm today. A little confused and discomforted, was it too early or did I oversleep? Then the alarm went off and it felt good to be wide awake, not groggy.  I put coconut milk in my coffee today, remembering how good coconut cream was in hot coffee during camping last weekend.  Must put coconut cream on shopping list. Mom got up too, I made coffee while listening to Joshua and Mark, and then we read our books in silence. I gave Sloane a gazillion kisses to wake her up.  She cried when she discovered I threw out some of her school papers, she brushed her hair a gazillion times. To match my kisses?  Logan opened the porch door my dad saying, "Come on in man!" and we all laughed. I forgot to make my green smoothie, but I did havetwo cups of coffee with coconut milk.  

Sloane got stuck, mentally?  She couldn't stop brushing her hair. At first I said it gently, "that's enough honey." Then, exasperated at my 12th time, "PLEASE stop brushing your hair" so I could get her to focus on getting her backpack and water bottle to leave. "It's not smooth," she was fixated and tears sprung to her eyes. I gave her some spiel about how it doesn't matter how her hair looks, it's about how she feels and her attitude. But of course it matters. So I awkwardly did the dance of acknowledging yes it does matter, yes it matters to you so it matters to me, but it's not the most important thing, and still felt like I failed.  There was not enough time to cuddle and ask questions.  Her tears of course, was probably due to the rushing. Even when there is seemingly ample time, there isn't.  I held her face into me, and held her there for as long as I could, both of us pausing, to make up for my flailing words and the lack of time.  I miss her today especially because of this. I know she'll be over it in a few minutes, but I don't get to see her recover.  But at the end of the day, I will get to draw her into me again, and usually by then she is ready to talk about it.  Solutions and resolutions don't come immediately; we are all learning that.  

These are some photos form the end of August. That was a really good month. 

LU COUNTRY BOIL

To commemorate the end of summer, we threw a shrimp boil with friends. We were first introduced to the concept by Autumn and Garrett, who threw one a few years back, and we fell in love with the whole idea and everyone was on board to try to have one every year if possible. The year after that, we pulled off the genius move (I think it was Autumn's idea) to ask each person to contribute money to the dinner and for the hosts to do the shopping and cooking, instead of trying to facilitate a sign-up sheet of people bringing separate things. It solved so many logistic problems, it allowed everything to be more cohesive, and since this is an adult-only event, it served as a cheaper date night out with friends than if we had gone out to a restaurant. Everyone was willing to pay and did so quickly!  We volunteered to be the hosts this year, and I loved every moment of it.  It was a joint effort: with Ken doing the shopping and cooking of the giant shrimp boil for 20, and me doing the shopping, arranging and set up of everything else: the layout, decor, cocktails (whiskey sours and gin mojitos), wine, glasses, napkins, appetizers and sides (subrosa bread, butter and heirloom tomatoes) and dessert (fresh fruit and caramel chocolate pretzel bars).

A big shout out to my Ken who agreed to put up these string lights on our back driveway, without complaining even once, being a more evolved man than he was a few year ago, because of course it made the biggest difference in atmosphere. The night was perfect in weather, company, food and conversation.  Here are some photos and then a video below of the evening.

KEN AND CHRISTINE'S MARRIAGE TURNS 9

This is what nine years looks like.  I am grateful and let's be honest, relieved, to report that I am more in love with this guy than ever before.  Like, every day I work, I miss him. And I always want to be talking to him. These times are interspersed with other moments when I can't stand him, or I am annoyed or hurt or angry, but marriage is the rubber band that snaps me right back.  Not the marriage itself, but the ecology of a marriage. Its ecology of commitment and investment means we keep trying and growing and forgiving and repenting, and that the other person plays a critical role in all that. As does our friendship. We keep remarking aloud recently how much we like each other as friends; it feels like a pivotal thing. 

We celebrated our anniversary with two meals out, which was very luxurious of us.  We started with brunch at Brunch, where we would normally not go with our kids because they don't take reservations and are known to be really busy.  The breakfast board at Brunch was so good, as was the bourbon coffee cocktail.

For dinner, we went to Dinamo, an Italian place I have been wanting to try.  Dinamo is the sort of Italian place I love: good negroni, mussels in delicious sauce, whole fish, and simple pasta.  The best thing about two meals out, just the two of us, meant we could keep talking.  That's probably our favorite thing to do with each other these days, have conversations about what we are reading, noticing, thinking and wondering about.   

This day also included beer on Triple Crossing's patio, a visit to Red Eye for cookies, and then we ended the night by visiting friends who had just moved into their new house.  It's a privilege and pleasure to be able to do life with another human; I'm glad my human is this one. 

SLOANE TURNS SEVEN

Our first baby turned seven last month! She's in second grade now as of a couple of weeks ago, and it still feels strange whenever that leaves my mouth. Second grade was when I started to have some of my more distinctive memories, and it is so striking that I now have a daughter this age that is amassing her own set of memories which will shape and form her. 

She is a dreamer, a thinker, a great-idea-haver. She loves her friends and her sister, directs games, tells stories, and has a blossoming artist's perspective. She can sit for hours listening to me read a book aloud, and also loves playing volleyball, tennis and doing BJJ more recently. She is kind, silly, and often gets deep in thought or a task and won't be easily pulled away. She plays with kids who aren't included and cries at almost every movie.  What a girl we have. 

On her birthday we spent the morning having a pool party with her friends, and then in the afternoon she got her ears pierced (!) followed by dinner with my parents, my sister and her kids, who happened to be here on Sloane's birthday (which is so rare!). I loved getting to celebrate Sloane with everyone, and there's a video below that summarizes our day. 

CHRISTINE TURNS 36

This post was meant to go up sooner than now, and closer to the day of my actual birthday, but the end of summer was especially full of good things and I struggled to find the words or time to update this blog.  But I have many updates!

As we're in September now, I'm mourning the end of summer, as I usually do, holding on to the last vestiges of warm weather, and hyping myself up for fall activities, trying to ignore the inevitable winter beyond that. It will be good for me to look back on memorable moments of the end of summer with these posts, as a way of reliving and cementing.

My birthday this year meant I turned 36, and happily so.  It's been better each year, the experience and lessons really showing up with their value, and me being able to access the confident parts of myself with more ease.

Each year on my birthday, I like to take the day off work and then spend the day doing something that I have been wanting to do throughout the year but hadn't done yet.  This year, I wanted to spend some much needed time with Ken and also to try one of the RVA Bike Share bikes I've been seeing pop up downtown.  We did just that: starting with breakfast at Subrosa, and then rode to Potterfield Memorial Bridge next to Brown's Island, rode across the bridge and then biked up to Perly's, one of my favorite spots, for lunch.  It was a spectacular way to spend the morning. 

I also spent some of the day pickling things and reading Ruth Reichl, which just felt right. 

Later that day, we went out to Carytown to Garden Grove with the girls and my MIL, mostly for their ginger ale, which is made in house and oh so good. 

And finished off the day with Benny's giant pizza slices. Ken and I agree it's one of our favorite places for pizza these days. 

The next day, our friends came from out of town and we had a relaxing day hanging out by the pool and ended the day with a dinner outdoors in the backyard on a long table, which was my dream - the weather was perfect, the food delicious and company delightful.

I always prefer pie to cake for my birthday and my cousin Lois delivered with her signature blueberry pie, which we stuck with candles, sang over and enjoyed for breakfast the next day. My birthday extravaganza lasted over several days this year and this pie was the perfect way to end it!