GREEN PASTURES AND QUIET WATERS

 The last weekend of October was a rough one, and I was feeling a little bruised and battered, both physically and emotionally after it all.  Among the trials was a stomach bug that had me bedridden for 36 hours and that first photo above is sloane coming home from daycare with K. right before she came into the room to comfort me and give me hugs and kisses. (The photos below that is Sloane proceeding to love on Rusty later on that weekend, which he tries to bear.)  After the tumult, the week turning October into November was a gentle one, green pastures and quiet waters, if you will. Sleep was sparse, but the weather was friendlier, my mind was quieter in reflection, and my body finally got the kind of exercise that makes the the blood pump life back to all the dark places in my heart and mind. 

I lost two grandmothers this past year. They were very different in personality and spirit, and burned bright in different colors during their lifetime. I've been thinking a lot this past year about loss and how that description seems to describe exactly what it does feel like; as if a part of me left the world with them, because they were a part of my history and my life story, so inevitably, a part of me. A loss isn't truly a loss though, if "death is swallowed up in victory" but it sure feels that way sometimes. Regardless, I will keep believing that all of it- my past, present and future is all swallowed up in victory and so when I am weak, I will rest in that.

I have also been reflecting on the overflowing life that is present in my little one and in the context of death, I can't help think that these two wonderful grandmothers of mine, different and complimentary in how they influenced me, as well as my aunt, who I looked up to so much, are all somehow present in my daughter now.  These women passed down parts of who they were to me and so they are a part of her history too.  It gives me hope. 

These following photos were taken a few months ago, and I never got to post them, but here they are; photos of our little love, bubbling with new life.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM BATMAN AND ROBIN

here is a video of batman and robin hanging out until they get called up to roam the streets of RVA and collect a small bucket full of candy.

ITS NOT AN EASY JOB, KEEPING THE BAD GUYS AWAY

we had gotten Sloane a robin costume last year to go along with Rusty's batman costume that he's been wearing for Halloween for as long as we've known him, and it still fits! (flashback to last year) their adventures together in the backyard take on a little more of a dramatic tone when they are in these, don't you think?

SOME DAYS A LADY JUST NEEDS TO GET HER LINGERIE ON

The lovely ladies, Mignon and Heather, arranged for us to do just that by hosting an evening of encouragement, food, drink and gifting pretty lady lingerie and such to one another.  It was a great way for each of the ladies to feel special and a little bit fancy.  Wonderful company and delectable food. It was a feast for my taste buds and my soul.

Not only did Mignon host beautifully, she handed out these homemade jars of goodness (i took away a jar bourbon bacon jam and salted caramel) and sensual body scrub. I already tried the salted caramel with some apples and it's a match made in heaven.  Megan handed out a chocolate bar and body bar duo that I can't wait to try, and I came away with the sweetest chemise from Laura.

I AM SOMEONE'S MOM

Lows in the 30s right now and I'm not into it. I got Sloane a couple of winter hats last week and she gets the most pleased look on her face when I put one on her. I also got these mittens that turned out to be too big and she was utterly amused by them when she got them on her hands; so, I guess that makes me feel like, okay, we can make it through this winter. Yes, she inevitably ends up whipping off her socks when she's sitting in the car, but she is always happy to have me put them back on, yelling, 'tocks! tocks! (socks! socks!)' helpfully, as I put them back on her feet.

Last weekend, for reasons still unbeknownst to us, Soane had a bout of diarrhea that bummed all of us out. She woke up from her nap on Sunday afternoon in a fit of tears and screams that had us wondering what the heck was going on, and she proceeded to have what appeared to be painful diarrhea every 2-3 hours for the next 48 hours. It was heartbreaking to see her in pain and then get exhausted from all the screaming and crying. She has gotten sick before, but in mild doses and was never visibly in pain and it felt horridly unfair that someone so tiny who had no idea what was going on had to experience a pain like that for so long. It was tiring for all of us, but none of that mattered when she would put her head on my shoulder, snuggle in, and want to be held for much longer than usual. I spent the day at home from work on Monday so that I could be with her and the whole day was spent changing diapers, cleaning up, giving her baths, holding and comforting figuring out what bland foods to give her, and a lot more holding and cuddling. It was one of those days where I distinctively felt like, I am her mom! And she needs me, specifically me. Later that afternoon, she seemed to be feeling better, so we went on a walk and we were both stunned to silence by the gloriously perfect fall day. We padded along, enjoying the sun on our faces and marveling at the bright blue hue of the sky. Sloane pointed and yelled. 'yah!' to every car and flag and bush, she noticed rocks and sticks on the ground that needed to be picked up, and hurried over to flowers that demanded to be sniffed, and obliged. She was happy about the leaves that were aplenty on the ground and gave each one a turn, twirling in her hands, until the next leaf's turn.

After I put her to bed that night, she kept crying me back in and asking for more snuggles. She is usually quick to get to bed, so I guessed she was still feeling bad, made an exception and stayed with her for what ended up being an extra 45 minutes, holding and swaying and singing, until she let me put her back in her crib and fell asleep. My arms ached but I felt fat with love. It's not just that it feels good to be needed. I feel lucky to be the person who knows my daughter like I do and be able to love her in the way she needs.

CARTER MOUNTAIN ORCHARD, A VIDEO

here is a little video that i made (using my canon point and shoot and imovie) of our day at the orchard this past weekend. the fuji apples we picked are so good, i'm running out already!

WHAT WE ATE LAST WEEK

this is a documentation of how we tried to eat very healthy and very seasonally last week 

(if you count the no-flour pumpkin pancakes that i made for sloane for breakfasts, i utilized four different kinds of squash!) 

these photos don't include the entire meal, but parts of it. 

i'll link up to any of the recipes i used.

a big shout out to ken, who took care of the dishes like the hunk that he is.

monday: acorn squash & zucchini fritters

tuesday: lettuce wraps and chicken noodle soup 

wednesday night: butternut squash, sausage and kale with an egg on top.  

thursday night: pan-fried butter chicken with olives & braised red potatoes

friday night: spaghetti squash with roasted shrimp

ANNUAL APPLE PICKING, CHECK

we finally made it to apple picking ! this is my favorite thing about fall, hands down.  

not only did we make it up to the orchard, but we went with some of my favorite people, sloane ate an entire apple all by herself (remember sloane's first apple picking?), and rusty had a few of his buddies to hang out with. 

and now, for so many photos: