SLOANE AT FIVE MONTHS

i apologize in advance for the amount of (rather large-sized) pictures that are to follow. 

i practiced restraint, really i did. 

but i'm a momma posting pictures of her happy baby, indulge me?

At five months, this baby is growing into her own. She has resolved to check out everything with her eyeballs, her hands, her mouth. She leans forwards, backwards, under, over and around you in order to investigate something that she catches a glimpse of, and she reaches out, hands outstretched, which then means she also has to feel it in her mouth. Her world is getting bigger with each thing she sees/feels/gnaws on, and it fills me with glee to watch the world introduce itself to her. ‘Hey world, Sloane is here and she’s coming for you.’

She is still inquisitive, curious, and attentive as ever. When there is conversation going on around her, she'll gnaw on her towel or recent favorite toy and will seem to be nodding along with you, 'yes, yes, go on, then what happened?' Sometimes, she is ultra serious, especially when she meets new people. And then her somber face is all cheeks and dark eyes.

In this spirit of exploration, she can’t wait to get moving, but she seems much more excited about trying to stand on her feet than crawling on her hands and knees. She props up her upper body like a cobra, and surveys the land to see what she can go after. She uses her hands to turn around in a circle and get a proper survey. If she designates a target, she will first attempt to scoot over to it, but will end up backing up, instead of forward (her motors don’t run forward yet), and to overcome this problem, she will attempt to roll her way over to it, which means she often ends up somewhere completely different, but she doesn’t seem to mind all that much.

She is really good at sitting up, sitting around, hanging out, and when she gets excited or hears a good beat, she rocks back and forth with glee.  It’s hard to find anything better than a little lump of a person rocking back and forth with joy watching you dance like a crazy person to Michael Jackson’s ‘Beat It’.

When you start singing to her, she will break into a big smile, and when she hears music, she will often pause to listen. Sometimes, she will try to sing along with you. These days I’ve been singing her different versions of ‘Amazing Grace’ as part of her bed time ritual, and she will more often than not try to ‘sing’ it along with me. I can’t wait to sing all sorts of songs with her.

She definitely understands who her mom and dad are now – and how glorious it is to see her bouncing up and down with joy when she sees me or Ken walk through the door.  She has also started reaching out for me with her arms, and it is my slice of brilliant. She also claws at faces- I'm not sure what she thinks is going on when she does that, but it can feel like being mauled by a baby tiger.

We are getting the hang of sleeping, and we are trying things like avocado, apples and carrots for the first time.  And by we, I mean, her. We sit in a baby chair at the table, and we are still fascinated by Rusty the dog - she can't wait to get her hands all up in his fur, I can see it in her eyes. We like books, fascinated by any sort of screen, and aren't we all super trooper bath-takers! (The last 'we' applies to the grown-ups too, especially K.)

6 months means we all get a little more worn out with all this pawing, exploring, giggling, we do, 

but we are constantly 

so amazed

that we can hardly believe it. 

I SURVIVED THURSDAY

Today's work day was a cranky ol' giant with a club, giving me a beating. Who/what/why this giant? I don’t know. The day started off so good catching up with friends and I felt light and full, but then I was sitting at my desk in the office, and after feeling like I had been there for hours, I checked the clock to see that it was only 8:55AM. I knew it was going to be a long day.

It might have had something to do with the fact that Sloane woke up extra early, which means I get less sleep, and maybe it has something to do with the fact that I missed her like crazy. Whatever it was, it felt like I was riding on the back of a very hung-over-snail to get to the end of the day. I listened to a lot of podcasts, per usual, and one of them inspired me to make a list of things that energize me.  

But also, before starting on the list, I did a quick sketch of what I think a stick figure of a giraffe should be like.

So there.

DIY MOUNTAIN PILLOW

this is awesome. make a mountain! and then hug it!

NEW YEAR'S EVE

I apologize in advance for the photo dump that is about to happen here, but most of them has a baby in it, if that assuages anything. As I write this, the temperature outside is slowly rising to a high of 64, and the weather folk says that it is going to be in the 70s this weekend, but I swear it is still January, right? And if my mind is kind and serves me well, the holidays just happened.

As much as I don’t like the cold and do not like snow (yes, I repeat, I do not like snow), since I had a formative, picturesque and nostalgia-inducing childhood in New Jersey, where it snowed in the truckfuls, Christmas doesn’t quite feel like itself without snow. I find myself wondering if I want Sloane to associate Christmas with snow, like I did, and have that fuzzy feeling of Christmasyness which involves holly, the smell of fir trees, wood, snowmen and snow angels – which is all so nice. But then I decide that no, it’s definitely not necessary, and it’s most important to me that she associate the holidays with family, gratitude, and the traditions that we make for ourselves to give thanks.

Having this baby girl makes me appreciate family even more than ever, and I am still giddy over the fact that my parents can be here for almost a month. They live in Seoul, South Korea, so it’s extra special that they are able to visit for a longer period than usual. They got here the night of Christmas, and so did my sister, her fiancé, Val, and my cousin, Lois. They were still here while we hopped (I mean, crawled) over to NYC for a couple of days, and when we got back, we celebrated New Year’s Eve and Day together with dinner, champagne, family worship, and some games. We missed my other sister and her fellow, but it felt full and I do love having our house full of family. Here are some photos from New Year’s Eve: ...

I BELONG WITH YOU YOU BELONG WITH ME

the rad photo was taken by saena

This little spot of sun is 5 and a half months this weekend. 

22 weeks! 

we did it! 

instead of an essay, i want to say things like: 

baby, 

your laughs are my bliss, your cries are my ghosts.

did you really use to just lay there like a rock once upon a time?

is there anything you don't want to put in your mouth?

is that smile really for me?

your smiles are my fuel, your cheeks are magnets for my lips

sometimes you are an extension of me, sometimes, 

i realize you are a whole other person of your own

and it floors me.

and then, cue this song. are we sick of this song, yet? hope not. it's so good. 

 i dance my baby to it.

IN WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW

Today was a bit of a haze. Being back at work after a long break wasn't too bad – hello, structure -  but it was also disorienting. I could feel my brain scrambling like mad to figure out what it is exactly that I do at that desk, and I found myself having to find comfort and stability in my cups of coffee.  I also missed the baby a whole ton. I had gotten used to being able to see her and squeeze her whenever I wanted.

Have we all transitioned into the new year okay? I guess another and more accurate way to ask this question is, did everyone survive the holidays? Are we back? Forward and onwards? I do like the newness of a brand new year, almost entirely because it feels like a page turn (I actually hear in my mind the turning of a page whenever I think of December 31 becoming January 1), but making resolutions has always felt a little forced, which is why I like the part where one reflects on the past year more than the part where you make plans for the upcoming one.   Also, it seems unnecessary because that kind of intentionality is what I try to do on a daily basis – reflect, resolve, repeat – hey, isn’t that what this blog is for?  Oh heyyy.

To be clear, I am a planner and I am a dreamer, but the more specific I can get, the better. Resolutions always seem a little vague and unrealistic and open-ended to me, and I don’t like that. I make to-do lists every day, and if those count as resolutions, I guess those are mine.

If this blog is any indicator, and I guess like any person who blogs, I like the process of documenting and reflecting. This blog is my creative outlet right now in that it forces me to write regularly and practice photography, but it is also my mode of reflection. When I document and reflect, there is absolutely no way that I can avoid arriving at a place where I am utterly grateful. And in a way, that is maybe the underlying goal of this blog, to practice and reflect on my gratitude through all of the little things and big things.

I could say a lot about what I learned this past year, but I will keep it to this one thing, the thing that I think is one of the more important things that I could have learned, as well as something that I had been striving for. A few years ago, I resolved that I wanted to be a person who is both deeply rooted in the things of the present, while dreaming and hoping for glorious fruits to grow from my branches. And while I have always been really good about dreaming up and for things, I was less good at reveling in the present. But something about this past year – getting pregnant, deciding to buy a house, having a baby, learning how to do life as a mother and wife, and evaluating my friendships in that light – taught me how to truly live and just BE in each present moment.  I love that this is the lesson that I’ve learned this past year, especially as a new mother, because having peace about where the lines have fallen frees me to be more truly myself.  I wasn’t expecting it and that’s the beauty of it, too - that the true growth was in me letting go and being able to receive a peace that transcends my own understandings.

So, 2013, welcome.  
But better yet, January 3, let's do this. 

36 HOURS IN NYC

i love everything about new york city and its surrounding areas, i always have and i always will. it also helps that it's where some of my favorite people live so it goes without saying that i get excited for any opportunity to go up there. this most recent opportunity, however, didn't turn out quite as planned, and to make a long story short, it took us 12 hours (in the pouring rain) to make it up there (yes, with a 5 month old baby in the car), and then another 11 or so hours to get back down. this was all in order to spend a whopping 36 hours in the city (or more accurately, long island city & williamsburg). needless to say, we were a tad bit traumatized by the ordeal and promised ourselves that we would either fly or plan for a longer trip next time. lesson learned. and you know what, as rough as it was, it was worth it for me to see these lovely faces - our friends brian and saena, and my sister, sharon and her man, paul. plus, sloane got her first whiff of the city.

 the trip included eating leftovers, playing games, getting a tibetan massage, eating at momofuku ssam bar, stopping in at a milk bar, seeing my sister's place for the first time, checking out their pocket of w-burg, and a place called videology, and stopping by for some dim sum in bay ridge on our way out, which was delicious.

A CHRISTMAS IN REVIEW

i know christmas is now long and gone, but here are my quick five notes on our christmas, which happened in two parts - in virginia beach with ken's family and then in richmond with mine. 

one. it was sloane's first christmas and she got loved on by relatives so hard. she is one lucky baby.

two. sloane's favorite part seems to be clawing at the wrapping paper. noted.

three.  yayyy my parents are heree...!!!

four. i am in love with all the different kinds of handmade wrapping paper my cousin lois and my sister eunice came up with.

five. we are full of love for our families and our little one. 

LET'S DO THIS

Presents are wrapped and decorations are up, and just in time, too. I strung up Christmas cards, kind of decorated a Christmas 'mantle' and tied tiny ornaments on our super skinny tinsel tree. And as always, these things will probably stick around for a few weeks after Christmas, just to get that much more out of the season. I like to pretend the Christmas season stretches on till a few weeks into January.

We are in va beach right now with ken's family for xmas part 1 and it is lovely to be able to spend time with a whole lot of them for the holidays and be around for them to love on Sloane. We are going to do xmas part 2 back up in Richmond tomorrow night when my parents fly in, before heading out of town again for a couple of days. It's a busy week, and sleep has not been good for the past couple of days, but I am trying to stay present lest the whole week flies by without me being able to appreciate all the wonderful little moments.

1 day 'till Christmas!