35 WEEKS

SUP 35 SUP.

For a while, the progress of the belly was forward-marching, but in the past couple of weeks, the growth has moved outward. And so now it is super ROUND. I am a rotund lady with a rotund belly. Except for when she is moving, which is so very often, and she is big enough now that when she shifts around it makes my belly lumpy. Also, this is weird and no one has told me about this before, but I can HEAR her moving sometimes. At first I thought it was my imagination, but it’s happened enough times for me to confirm its real – it sounds kind of like the sound your bone makes when you are cracking your knuckles, but softer and more plastic-y. A pop, crackle, snap, if you will. Also, her movements are so big and her body parts do much more obvious twists and turns that it makes my organs feel strange and often catches me off guard. Lumpy, uncomfortable, jabbed and prodded, large, rotund, slow - are all words that could describe this 35th week.

One of the things I find myself doing a lot these days is staring at the calendar. There are a lot of things coming up, and it is calming to stare at those evenly spaced boxes, laid out in rows, providing a space in which to visualize my to-dos. As I eyeball the different dates and scroll through the weeks, I think about packing, trips to Ikea, our house walk-through, trips to Lowe's, the closing date for our house, delivery dates of our furniture, moving day, painting, a wedding, my birthday, and dates when my sisters and parents come in for their visit. A date that I don’t really focus on too much is my due date. In large part because I already know that the day the baby comes is going to be out of my control, and that there is no reason for me to fixate on a date which will probably turn out to not be the actual day. The time frame helps, but I am resolved to be open to whatever happens. Calm, peace, and patience - are other words that I am trying to make part of the next few weeks.

SUMMER SHOES

Heads up ladies -  ASOS is having a 50% sale on a bunch of their really lovely summer shoes that is worth checking out.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

Old pictures like this are even more meaningful to me now that I am going to have a little one of my own. I am the luckiest gal in all the world to have a dad like my father and that is that.

DIY FUN

Don't these color-block coasters look rad?...Here's a tutorial if you want some for yourself. I can't wait to try making these!

MATISSE IN THE EVERYDAY

I love this compilation of Matisse paintings up against photographs of everyday life, put together by Miss Moss.   I so wish I was Paris now to check out the Matisse Pairs and Sets exhibition!

RAW AND SORT OF COMPLAINY

Blog, can I use you to vent?

I. am. so. tired. of having to go to the bathroom all the time.

Monday night was astonishing - I woke up almost twice every hour during the night to go to the bathroom. Exhausting. I suspect baby was bouncing on my bladder all night. Over the past few months, I had gotten used to having to get up 2 or 3, sometimes 4 times during the night... but 11-12 times?? REALLY?  You know what else is sad? I wash my hands after every bathroom run, and after a night of constant hand washing, my hands look like the desert. Crackly. Putting lotion on them seems pointless because I end up washing it off way too soon.

I'm trying to keep my complaints at a dull roar because objectively, I don't have that much to complain about. And wise folks tell me that this is how my body gets ready for nights of interrupted sleep when the baby is here. Which I don't doubt. But subjectively, I am turning into a crazy lady who is developing a neurosis about using the bathroom.

During the day, it is almost as annoying. I come back from the bathroom, get into working on something and then 15 minutes later, my chain of thought is completely interrupted because I have to use the bathroom again. It’s hard to focus, it’s hard to get things done. It makes me not want to drink water, even though I know I must. I feel like I am a prisoner of my body and it’s starting to really drive me NUTS. Last night, I cried into my pillow because I am physically and mentally so sick from this feeling of having to go to the bathroom, or being in anticipation of having to, all the time. It's kind of funny, except when you can't laugh about it because you are too busy peeing. I cried because I'm tired; I can’t relax, which is probably why it feels like torture.

And hey, while I’m at it: I’m tired of not being able to relax and lay on my back. I’m tired of not being able to cross my legs because I’m worried that it’s going to make the baby move head-up. I’m tired of worrying about Kegel exercises. I’m tired of not being able to lift or move heavy things. I’m tired of not being able to do a hard-core workout. I’m tired of not being able to fit into my normal clothes. I’m tired of worrying about post-labor recovery.

I know this time is temporary and fleeting, and I already feel like the due date is going to come very, maybe too, soon. But it’s just been one of those days/weeks and I'm self-medicating by venting. Thanks for the white space, blog spot.


Pictured above: 34 weeks, sans makeup, with my bare belly and giant hands

PRETTY THINGS

source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

 Miami Vice meets the Hamptons.

FRIENDS AND RVA

Here are some photos that I had forgotten about from a couple of weeks ago. There are more snippets of gatherings purposed for squeezing out more time with the Tobins, who sadly, have left RVA already. I can't believe its the second week of June now! So many things are happening so fast.

ALL THE DIFFERENT FACES

Being pregnant for the fist time is such a complex and awesome thing – what it does to your body, your brain, and your emotions – that I’m glad that I force myself to take time to try to write about it all on this blog. I’m already appreciating the ability to look back at the kind of perspective I had at the beginning of this process, and for those who care, thanks for riding along with me! 

With several months of pregnancy under my belt now, I’ve noticed that being pregnant has many sides to it – good, bad, highs and lows. It’s almost like I am different versions of myself as I run through the gamut of emotions and thoughts. They’re all me and they are all genuine, but they vary from day to day. So when people ask me how I’m doing, it’s usually one of these, or several of these at one time:


Facet A – cool, calm and collected. I got this. All of these months are so great for easing me into the process of getting bigger…and more pregnant. I’m so grateful any negative side effects or pains from this are minimal. Take your time baby, every day you’re baking in there is for a reason. God’s plan is perfect.

Facet B – whiny. I am so tired of using public bathrooms. They are gross, and I have to use them all the time. I feel huge. I am getting tired of this body. Sometimes my back and legs ache so much I can’t fall asleep. I want a giant cocktail and then I want to lay on my back in the sun. Wah.

Facet C – panicked. What the heck am I doing? Are we ready? I don’t know if I’m ready for the kind of life-long responsibility. Will I feel trapped? Will I resent her? Is my body going to recover from this?

Facet D – impatient and excited. These 8 months feel like they’ve been going on forever. Can it happen already? Come on I’m ready to meet you, baby, let’s do this! Hurry!

Facet E- lovey dovey. I’m so in love with K. and totally in love with how he loves the baby already. I can’t believe we are going to bring a person into this world together; it blows my mind.

Recently, I keep thinking and comparing my present situation to what it felt like to be standing on top of a four-story-high cliff in Curacao, about to jump into the waters below. I knew for sure that I wanted to do it, but I was nervous with anticipatory excitement because I had never jumped off something that high before. Those that went before me came back with tales – that was awesome! Heck yeah, that hurt. Oh shoot look at my bruise. Yeah, it’s kind of scary, but it’s worth it. When it was my turn, I had this crazy tingly feeling all over my body, which I’m guessing was adrenaline, and as soon I stepped off, the realization that I couldn’t go back was like a lightening bolt through my body. I remember the feeling of falling through the air and thinking, wow, this is taking a really long time, and the feeling of hitting the water, really hard (yes it did kind of hurt), and being submerged in the warm water.  When I surfaced, I could hear friends cheering and hollering and as I looked up the giant cliff, I was amazed. It felt great to have made such a great leap. Even with my nervousness, reservations and fear, I pushed myself because I knew I could do it and I knew it would make me feel alive, and I am so glad I did.

BABY SHOWER

For a hot second I thought I might not want a baby shower but I’m so glad I changed my mind. I think the idea of a shower seemed awkward because it's basically a party that exists so that you can get presents. Strangely, I don’t apply this logic to when I go to other people’s showers and I love giving gifts, but for some reason I couldn’t visualize being in the middle of a baby shower. Thankfully, my dear friend Saena insisted on throwing me a shower and pulled it all off beautifully. It was particularly impressive because she had to fly down here from NYC the night before and put it all together in a speedy amount of time.

I am so grateful for everyone who came and showered me and baby with well-wishes, and all the gifts definitely made me feel more prepared for the baby. If you think about it, the concept of a baby shower is awesome because it’s a party for someone who doesn’t exist yet, but who is really loved anyways! (Baby, you are loved by so many people already!) I too felt very loved and encouraged; thanks everyone!

And here are just a few photos from the day:

33 WEEKS

This week I’m under the impression that the baby is squished in there. It feels like her movements are those of someone trying to get comfortable and this means my belly takes on werid shapes as she shifts her entire body around. I’m feeling less and less like this belly is my own, because of how big it’s getting and how it seems to take on a life of its own. It’s still hard to believe that it’s my body that she is in, and as K. said last night, that I’m a plural. The bigger she gets the greater the reality…

Baby, are you squished? 7 more weeks of growing to do!

 

PRETTY THINGS

The Boyscouts

Soft Chevron iPhone case

Ink & Spindle dress

Penguin postcards

Cuisine Couture Apron

BELLY FULL OF LOVE

What a weekend! My baby shower happened which was lovely (thank you Saena!) and I shall post more about that later. We also got to see the inside of our nearly finished house and since my sister was with us she snapped these photos for us. 

And here she is! So glad that she could make it back from her trip to be here this weekend.