Blog, can I use you to vent?I. am. so. tired. of having to go to the bathroom all the time.
Monday night was astonishing - I woke up almost twice every hour during the night to go to the bathroom. Exhausting. I suspect baby was bouncing on my bladder all night. Over the past few months, I had gotten used to having to get up 2 or 3, sometimes 4 times during the night... but 11-12 times?? REALLY? You know what else is sad? I wash my hands after every bathroom run, and after a night of constant hand washing, my hands look like the desert. Crackly. Putting lotion on them seems pointless because I end up washing it off way too soon.
I'm trying to keep my complaints at a dull roar because objectively, I don't have that much to complain about. And wise folks tell me that this is how my body gets ready for nights of interrupted sleep when the baby is here. Which I don't doubt. But subjectively, I am turning into a crazy lady who is developing a neurosis about using the bathroom.
During the day, it is almost as annoying. I come back from the bathroom, get into working on something and then 15 minutes later, my chain of thought is completely interrupted because I have to use the bathroom again. It’s hard to focus, it’s hard to get things done. It makes me not want to drink water, even though I know I must. I feel like I am a prisoner of my body and it’s starting to really drive me NUTS. Last night, I cried into my pillow because I am physically and mentally so sick from this feeling of having to go to the bathroom, or being in anticipation of having to, all the time. It's kind of funny, except when you can't laugh about it because you are too busy peeing. I cried because I'm tired; I can’t relax, which is probably why it feels like torture.
And hey, while I’m at it: I’m tired of not being able to relax and lay on my back. I’m tired of not being able to cross my legs because I’m worried that it’s going to make the baby move head-up. I’m tired of worrying about Kegel exercises. I’m tired of not being able to lift or move heavy things. I’m tired of not being able to do a hard-core workout. I’m tired of not being able to fit into my normal clothes. I’m tired of worrying about post-labor recovery.
I know this time is temporary and fleeting, and I already feel like the due date is going to come very, maybe too, soon. But it’s just been one of those days/weeks and I'm self-medicating by venting. Thanks for the white space, blog spot.
Pictured above: 34 weeks, sans makeup, with my bare belly and giant hands
c - i imagine at the end of the journey, you will forget all the hardships endured prior to Sloane's arrival. however, in the meantime that it feels like the worlds crashing i hope you can take comfort in the promise this will pass, and there are people who love you tons and tons and praying for you. that and we're all here to listen to you vent. xx
ReplyDeletepoor Christine, my dear!
ReplyDeleteWould it be comforting if I say, it would be harder if your first pregnancy was happen a few years later. I still remember how difficult the last month of pregnancy was. It takes tones of patience to be a mom.
Isn't it amazing to find your immeasurable strength through pregnancy?
Girl, not getting sleep is no joke. You may feel crazy and exhausted, but you totally ARE able to get through this. I am praying for you. When I was sick in the hospital and going to the bathroom every 15 minutes, I kept focusing on the fact that if God is able to hold together every particle and piece of this universe without it falling apart, he's surely able to hold you together, too. Thanks for being so honest, though. It's awesome.
ReplyDeleteOh little sloan. Be nice to your mommy and give her strength (and a few more minutes of sleep)!
ReplyDeleteKeep your head and chin up Christine. We are all behind you!. Sending you much love from DC =)
Hi christine,
ReplyDeletei just happened on your blog and really relate to this post. i'm 32 weeks pregnant and i feel you! i, too, don't like to complain much because of course it's all normal and healthy and for good reason, but that doesn't mean it's not difficult. it can be very lonely being up late and uncomfortable and plus you know there's still more pain (labor) and sleepless nights (newborn) ahead. just know that you're doing it and it's hard work. thanks for sharing your thoughts!