do or die

i am strangely moved by this photo. good composition, good portrait. i am also appropriately moved, and encouraged by this photo:



i framed a few cards that s. sent me for study-hup-hup and birthday cheer. wonder woman, i am not, but can pretend to be.

what type are you?

i'm not as passionate or knowledgeable about type as some folks but I do get pretty excited about it. I love words, letters, design, and I like how type gives words a personality. So along those lines: nina simone! to motion typography!





And also, check out this neat site by Pentagram to see what type you are! I'm Bifur.

edit:

speaking of fonts, check out this detail from a wedding recently featured on oncewed.com: cocktail names for a "Font Bar" i.e. Good Times New Roman, Bodoni Martini, Happy Akzidenz, Futurita, Baskerville Sour, Trade Gothic...I shiver at all the possibilities.

i will miss my apartment

Haven, launch pad, hide-away loft, cocoon: you've been good to me.

a chronicle of 10 weeks

week 1-3: hysteria, panic attacks, anxiety
week 4-5: muted pain
week 6-7: determination
week 8: utter despair
week 9: acceptance and resignation
week 10: tunnel of doom


Whether i pass or fail, this has been the hardest thing i have done. Not just the insane studying, but also the wedding planning, and balancing the rest of life and balancing sanity. This has truly been more akin to 10-week long emotional and mental marathon than I expected.

I might need to get to a place where I can shrug my shoulders and say, 'well if i fail, i'll just try again', because I'm pretty sure I am going to fail. I am the worst test-taker on the planet of this earth so I cannot be too surprised when I don't do well.

If i write anymore in this during the next two weeks it will be to vomit words of anxiety and fear. It might get ugly.

The Minimalist strikes again

See here 101 grilling ideas 'begging to be tried'. I enter into a fantasy land, where I have loads of time to try every single idea.

squint your eyes, blend

Now that I have to spend all my time preparing for the bar, I all of a sudden have emerged out from my anti-bride status into wanting to become the proactive wedding planner. NOW i want to browse wedding blogs all day long and wonder about color schemes, when I really should be learning about the Uniform Statutory Rule Against Perpetuities. I am a hazard to myself.

Certain color combinations is akin to certain food combinations. Some fit naturally, obviously, and others are more unconventional but turn out to be fabulous, unexpectedly. I've been thinking a lot about colors because: 1) wedding, 2) painting the new place, 3) its something other than memorizing law.

I love the scheme of pink and turquoise, red and turquoise, rose and slate blue, etc. with offsets of peach and green. The following are inspiring:








One of these days, I will maintain a proper blog. It will try to consistently have good ideas, true stories, and pretty pictures. Also, I will write more, in general, one of these days..

triflin

Today i wrote a song for the first time in a long time, and recorded it. When I played it back I realized that the melody of my song was pretty much the melody of Kayne's 'Gold Digger' intro.


She take my money, well I'm in need
Yeah she's a triflin' friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digger way over time
That digs on me


Back to studying.

tightly wound

My body actually feels physically unwell because of the stress. My skin is a thin sheet of glass that is stretched around my bones, and any moment now, it will shatter.

It's terrible because the smallest thing makes me feel like I am going to have a colossal meltdown and Lord knows I can't continue to function like this for the next few months. It will handicap my mind.

I am often moody and irritable with k. and i don't know if it's because a) he's being dumb and wrong, b) i'm nervous about getting married, or c) i'm stressed. probably (c) or (b) but i sometimes try to make it about (a). poor k. poor me.


My lumpy bag of bones:

Bar prep study
Wedding planning
Apt/house hunting
Job hunting
Student Loans
Wisdom tooth/infection fiasco
Budgeting and finances

i am done with law school.

Rusty the bear loves the snow. I think I would probably love the snow as much as he does if I had his fur and his hopping abilities. K. and i talked about getting water-proof gear to help us romp around with the bear. We also talked about using the bear's fur to make ourselves a coat.

Sometimes I am convinced that this life right now is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Other times, I'm equally convinced that I'm supposed to be doing something else. Thankfully, the positive conviction about my current life is the majority. But there is always an itch. I'm not sure if living out the possibilities of different lives in my head motivates me or depresses me. Maybe both.

Sometimes, I feel at utter peace. This means happiness, confidence, and gratitude. But these days, even the moments of peace kind of creep me out.

happy halloween?

once in a while, i supsect someone else must be living my life, because surely, it wasn't me that just lived through the entire month of october and now facing november? how was it halloween already and now we're talking about thanksgiving? what's going on?

i didn't feel like dressing up at all, so i went out and got a huge bowl and appropriate-sized candy. i told myself that i'd pass off my participation this year by staying at home and passing out candy to the miniature superheros and scaries of the neighborhood. but we got home too late that day and missed all the kids, so now there is an big orange bowl of halloween candy sitting there without proper debut.

then i saw pictures of all the people dressed up and found it kind of annoying. i'm apparently just not in the right mindset this year.

to be fair to myself, i properly did a fall activity. i dragged boyfriend and company up a mountain to pick apples. 35 dollars worth of apples, to be clear. then i thought of different things i could make and bake with the apples. i realized that this may mark the cross over from need-to-dress-up-and-party attitude to the domesticated betty who makes apple crisp from scratch at home. and i kind of liked it. (what's going on?) let's see how this plays out for the other upcoming holidays.

the real key is to remain LOW KEY

for your personal stress-relief, i want to share an awesome website:

http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml

the virtual bubble wrap!
i love it, but it just makes me want more of the real thing.

inspirational eye candy

I imagine that this is the kind of furniture that could actually make one feel like an entirely different person just by laying in it. i love looking at this.


nicholas kirkwood's shoes are like perfect pieces of sculpture. i can't ever imagine wearing these shoes, but looking at them makes me think harder about the concept of juxtaposition than most other art pieces that purport to do the same.






Calvin Klein's USB sunglasses: nifty!

there is nothing in me right now that will let me finish these apps

so i will share a picture, instead.


While k. was concentrating on his school work, i tied his hair with my hair-tie and took this picture. He was oblivious the entire time, but notice my happiness. i am obviously very pleased with myself.

i will whisper this under my breath, so you can pretend you cannot hear:

the old demons are coming back.


1. I hate when people ask me, "How's school going?" I don't hate the person, I just hate the question.
2. When someone asks me, "How are you?", i don't mind. But i especially like it when the emphasis is on the 'are'. As in, "How ARE you?"
3. Sincerity is important to me.


I'm learning a lot about myself these days. This is the moment when the shit hits the fan...for eight months. Shit on the fan for eight months is way too long, in my opinion. I feel sorry for the boyfriend. But at least i'm being forced to redefine and evaluate my goals and values. Right? At the least?

I'm sure its the general case that things get more and more difficult as we get older. So it makes sense that this phase right now is by far, the most stressful. I just hope I don't do anything too crazy in the meanwhile. My sanity always hangs by a thin thin strand.

Trying to balance the prospect of graduating, my grades, clinics, bar exam, barbri classes, and trying to find a job, and trying to figure out what i want to do with this degree that i worked so hard and paid so much money for, ...is hard.

she's bringing it back

I'm a couple of months into my 26th year, and so far, I'm far from actually feeling like I'm 26. But before I get to my next birthday, I should (God willing and God helping) be an attorney. Law school, check. Bar exam, check. and Job? Career? Check? I'm really hoping that this is what I want. Regardless, it shall be an accomplishment that fills me with wonder. Hey, i just want to have a job that i love. Apparently, that really is too much to ask these days.

1. Stupid people drive me crazy.
2. Usually I'm a laid back person. I'm flexible, I'm open, I can adapt. But I also have a personality setting that needs efficiency and organization. Seriously, if you need to get it together, get it together.
3. Sometimes I forget the infinite value of having a song pour in through your eardrums and massage away all grumps and pains. But then I click on a weepies song, and I remember.
4. I'm going to be one of those ladies that always has some gin and tonic in her kitchen.
5. Ode to the creative soul: I love that this world contains art. I love that I have access to it, and that i can be a part of it. I will always attempt to make it more a part of me, and make me more a part of it. (social change and art, blah blah)


I'm pooped. and I'm pissed that blogger won't let me switch my gmail account identity. Whats up, blogspot, whats up.