a chronicle of 10 weeks

week 1-3: hysteria, panic attacks, anxiety
week 4-5: muted pain
week 6-7: determination
week 8: utter despair
week 9: acceptance and resignation
week 10: tunnel of doom


Whether i pass or fail, this has been the hardest thing i have done. Not just the insane studying, but also the wedding planning, and balancing the rest of life and balancing sanity. This has truly been more akin to 10-week long emotional and mental marathon than I expected.

I might need to get to a place where I can shrug my shoulders and say, 'well if i fail, i'll just try again', because I'm pretty sure I am going to fail. I am the worst test-taker on the planet of this earth so I cannot be too surprised when I don't do well.

If i write anymore in this during the next two weeks it will be to vomit words of anxiety and fear. It might get ugly.