SLOANE AT 18 MONTHS

She takes my face in both of her small hands. She tilts her head from side to side, her hands cradling my face, looking at me carefully. 'Mommy,' she concludes, happily.

I have a one and a half year old daughter (!!) now and it is always the most glorious of things and often the most exhausting of things.  There are days when I have a million things on my mind and the day has been long and unkind, and she is cranky and clingy in a way that wears me down to my bones. But then she will all of a sudden yell, "Dince (Dance)!!" with desperation in her voice and motion to my phone, asking me to turn the music on, and I do, and then she proceeds to do a heartfelt dance with all of her little body, looking at me for approval and grinning back at me, and my heart explodes and melts down my thorns. 

There are other days, when she is so sweet that it impresses me. She can be so good at playing by herself by stacking blocks, taking care of her stuffed bunny, 'cleaning' the floors, carrying around a pail full of small items, arranging pens, etc. and this is usually what she is doing while I cook. Watching her play so well by herself makes me feel proud and also feel excited for when she maybe has a sibling to play with (but no not yet, noooott yeeet). 

One of my favorite things about what she can do now is that she understands and knows how to wait. She has REALLY caught on to the word, "mommy" and will repeat it endlessly in order to show me something or in order to ask me to come help her with something. If I am wrist deep in raw chicken, I'll ask her to hold on or to please wait, and she will comply, standing by my legs, waiting patiently until I am done.  Often times I'll say, "I am doing such and such but I will be with you shortly, please wait, ok?" And she'll reply, "okay".

She does this thing where she will start reaching for something and if she knows that it might not be allowed, she looks at me, her face asking me if it is okay.  She knows so many words, and many of her words are indiscernible but I am getting better and better at decoding. Her first sentence appears to be, "Sit down!" ordering me to sit down next to her to play.

It's also nice that she has caught on to the word, "yes", which is a nice change from "no!"  We ask her yes or no questions and I'm tickled whenever she replies accordingly. "Do you want to get ready for bed?" "Yes," she'll reply solemnly, if she's tired. "Do you want an apple?" "Yes!!" she'll yell and flush with joy.

Because she is so vocal these days, it always surprises me when she clams up in front of other people that she is not familiar with. It's a thing that babes go through, apparently, to establish safety and a home base, but it always surprises me to see her act with such caution. And maybe it's a part of her personality? Sometimes I take a look at her through my objective lens and marvel at how much of a whole person she is, separate from me. Who IS this person? I ask myself. What a joy and responsibility it is to learn who she is!