LIFE LATELY

I now live my life lately in 3 hour increments (sometimes 2...or 1). It's a totally new way of being. Most of the time, it's do-able, and I'm all, wow I'm doing it! At this stage, her needs are basic and she is pretty clear cut and up front about what she needs. She's a good baby. Yes, BF (breastfeeding) is taking over my life, it's both awesome and exhausting, but more on that later. Other times, I'm like, wait is this what my life is going to be like forever? 'Cause sometimes, you feel like a baby-caring machine, not really like a mom yet, and you miss sleeping like a normal person and living life without breast milk leaking all over your clothes. And since I'm being real here, there is a little bit of feeling like you are prisoner...to your body, to the house, to the feed/poop/sleep cycle... It's hard because it's different, because you have to turn off all your selfish inclinations in order to serve and take care of another being that is wholly dependent on you, and because you see how altered your life will be.

But for right now, I am trading in my tired moments for the minutes where I can watch her sleep, so perfect and peaceful, for the chance to notice how she changes slightly each day, for all the different faces that she makes which crack me up, her wide-eyed stares, to watch K. give her kisses and baths, and for her sweet newborn baby smell. I am keeping in mind that my job right now is not only to take care of her but to enjoy her, to bond, and to delight in her together with K. And that's amazing.