30 weeks

 

 


 I am feeling a bit antsy these days. It’s not anxiety, it’s not nervousness, it’s not even wanderlust. YES I am envious of all the trips/adventures that people are on and taking. Both my sisters are doing fabulous trips in Europe, I have friends on or going on mission trips to Japan and Rwanda, friends that are going on vacation to the Cayman Islands, friends that are making a trip to Peru, and friends that are moving away to different states. And YES I would love to have a getaway vacation, even for a weekend.  I admit, I spent a good hour being silly and feeling sorry for myself about how we can’t take a vacation and how my life these days and life in the upcoming months is going to be on lockdown mode.  But that by itself isn’t really what’s tugging on my dangling heart strings. I know that if I wasn’t pregnant, my wanderlust would be kicking in super strong right now and threatening to take over sensibilities, but (funny how this works!) so far this pregnant has been keeping me feeling pretty satisfied with what I have going on right now. I actually expected more instability and more episodes of feeling like I want to run away from myself, but God is good and knows what I need, and it’s been pleasant having that peace for the past few months about my current situation.

That’s the thing, I DO have episodes of envy/what-if’s/what-am-i-doing-with-my-life/am-i-ready?/second-guessing, but they are tiny shots of boomerangs that ping out from time to time, wandering, wondering, about the unknown, only to snap back again to the reality that YES I am exactly where I need to be right now.  I think it’s because there is so much PURPOSE attached to this baby growing thing that I, as a purpose-seeking (obsessing) person, cannot help be refueled by the knowledge of what I am doing.  There is nothing more challenging, refining, redefining, fulfilling, affirming, or wrenching than what K. and I are about to do here.

But back to the antsy. We’re left with 10 weeks and smack in the middle of that 10 weeks we are moving. I am so excited for the new house and the new baby and the new life, but there is so much to do. It’s a feeling of wanting everything to GO SLOW but also happen RIGHT NOW, all at the same time. Thus, the antsy. It’s comparable to knowing that there is a huge tornado coming, but a tornado that I’m excited about(?)- we just have to get ready for it.   Working full-time during my last trimester, while packing and getting ready to move, furniture selling, furniture shopping, budgeting, shopping for daycares, shopping for nursery, taking baby prep classes, saying goodbye to dear friends, reading through materials I have to get ready for natural birth/breastfeeding, doctor’s appointments, more budgeting, cleaning, moving, settling in, and then, having the baby. All good stuff. But a lot of stuff.

I guess I’m just taking stock of everything right now. It’s a TAKE-A-DEEP-BREATH-AND-DIVE-IN kind of thing, and I’m feeling tingly….