MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU

If we did Christmas photos this year,  it might have looked something like this...

                                                           Sending you our love from afar,

and joy to all the other upcoming frigid winter months.

Let's spread the cheer all throughout winter...

                                           

taking time to hole up, get cozy, and reflect on what it means to hope when there are no sunshine or flowers in sight. 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TIME EVERYONE!!

THESE DAYS

This week has been so busy it's been hard to catch my breath. It's one thing after the other and also Logan has really upped her waking-up-in-the-middle of the night game, both in number of times and in the intensity of need. It feels both so wonderful and awful to be needed, more the latter when it is the third time in the middle of the night. I'm not sure what it is about this week- maybe her molars are coming in, she's been a little congested, and/or she's having nightmares? Who knows, but we continue on. We get huge smile, hugs and funny antics in the morning, and joyous play before bedtime, just enough to forget about the night before. I was reflecting the other day about how I tried to live my 20s to the max, and it crossed my mind that being a mother right now along with everything else really makes me feel like I am living these early 30s to the fullest. By the fullest I don't just mean that the days are full - they are that- but that regular and mundane things feel plump with purpose.

With that, some scenes from our every day life these days. Plump!

This is from the last few days of fall weather we had, when we were spending as much time as we could outdoors. Here son was trying to get us all to play hide and go seek, Logan was a half-hearted participant.  

This was from when Laura and I threw Meghan a baby shower for baby Silas, who arrived a couple of weeks ago!  That backdrop is a plastic tablecloth I found from Michael's and I got the idea for white clouds out of balloons from The House that Lars Built.

My friend Martha had some little ladies over for a viewing of the Nutcracker, which was preceded by teatime. All the girls wore tutus and you better believe there was passionate dancing afterwards

This photo represents Logan so well these days - a tiny person with a giant shadow. 

Sloane with a Costco bear (that we will never bring home) and Sloane showing Ken how high she can jump to turn the lights on. 

Sloane and I love singing the little drummer boy (often called the little drummer girl in our house) in the car everyday. Logan tries to join in with the rum pum pum pums.

My MIL came into town last weekend and we had a lovely and relaxing weekend, some of which involved visiting this huge tree at the mall. It was magical.

The other weekend I went to a cookie making and decorating party and there were so many cookies made and consumed and decorated.

Bundled up and on our way to get some breakfast.

The coziest little babe. Someday I will find myself this exact outfit in my size.

Remember my gingerbread house? Sloane took a picture of me pretending to eat it. I like looking at this picture and imagining that the house is life-sized and I am a candy-loving giant.



She loves carrying her lunchbox all by herself, even though it is almost half her size. On the left is before daycare, on the right is after we got home.

I posted about this on instagram the other day - Sloane came home and put together a cat outfit by herself consisting of "soft things" and including cat ears and a tail made out of blanket.  Also, Logan's face in this photo is very indicative of her personality right now.

Sloane imitating me on the left, about to get surprised by Ken on the right. 

The tiniest pigtails you ever did see. 

Sloane drinking tea and listening to a reading of "The Composer is Dead" which is a great book introducing all the instruments of the orchestra.

I get together with this group of ladies around Thanksgiving for a potluck but this year we missed the Thanksgiving mark and made it a Christmas gathering instead - I think this was year 6!

My friend Anya had a sip and sing at her house last week to drink White Russians and sing Christmas songs around a piano. It was cozy-making and spirit-rousing.

WRITING DOWN THE BONES

As busy as I am these days as a mother of young children, the past couple of years of motherhood has been characterized by the revelation that I can be creative as a mother. While playing with my kids, in the way motherhood informs that creativity but also in the way it requires that I am disciplined about it. Here is some inspiration, but you have a lot less time so if you want it, figure it out! Make it happen! It's the challenge of turning the details of everyday life into a creative expression and it's also the challenge of finding time to do it. I like challenges.

I'm trying! to find a rhythm. Some weeks or even months I find it, and I'm abuzz, and then outside circumstances (like the winter!) comes around and I have to adjust.

A few weeks ago I took a little time to adjust and reset.  It was only one afternoon - I took off work and the girls were still at daycare - but it just for me and I felt rich in possibilities. I devoted the time solely to reading and writing and prohibited myself from doing chores or anything else that might distract (That's what the picture is from up there). I didn't get too much done in those four hours but it felt like a vacation nevertheless, and it was well worth it for the reminder that sometimes I need to be creative for creative sake. 

I had just started reading Natalie Goldberg's 'Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within' and the book helped me renew my resolve for practicing good writing habits (she teaches a lot of writing workshops and I found her her insight and advice very useful). It helps that I was ready to implement a strategy. There is a part in the beginning about writing tools and how it is important to figure out which work for you. She shares that her favorites are a cheap notebook and nice pen. I'm pretty sure mine is usually in front of a laptop with a blank Microsoft Word document open, but I was compelled by the idea of starting with a simple notebok and pen. That is how I used to journal back in high school and college (and have boxes and boxes of notebooks to prove it) and she points out that the benefit of this method is that there is no pressure to write something grand. The pages invite you to write down anything at all, and you accomplish what is most important about writing - the actual writing down of the words. The laptop may work best when I have inspiration and something concrete to expand upon, but for daily habits, I need to be getting something down each day, regardless of what it is. It's the practice of it, the discpline, that I want to cultivate. In this spirit, I went out and bought a couple of $1 notebooks, 90 sheets, college-ruled and made a commitment to write in it everyday for at least 15 minutes and chart my progress in an attempt to grow a habit. The effort requires pouring out first thoughts, silencing the editor, and including a lot of detail ("Not the why, but the what" - Hemmingway). I've missed some days here and there but for the most part I have been keeping it up!

Something else that I am munching on: Goldberg says that writers live twice. This sounds like super power, as well as a crazy impulse - both of which I appreciate. I recently discovered that I am a 7 on the Enneagram and as someone who loves the pursuit of adventures and revels in the experiences, being able to live those twice - first as I experience it and then again as I write about it - is a perspective I do see as a super power. I have less regrets and there is less moaning about the meaning of life because I am reliving small details over again as I write about them. This makes me grateful for the way my feet feel upon the earth that particular day. This also appeals to me as a mother of young kids. I am always trying to hold on just a little bit longer to those precious and temporary moments.

I take this next sentiment to heart and it reminds me of why I keep trying even when things get busy:
"A writer's job is to make the ordinary come alive, to awaken ourselves to the specialness of simply being."

WHAT I'M READING V. 19

A Walk In The Woods by Bill Bryson

I will pretty much read anything this man writes; he is my favorite travel writer. For this book, he attempted to walk the Appalachian Trail, and describes in detail what it was like to plan for it and then actually attempt it. It was unexpectedly hilarious and also extremely informative about trail's history and surrounding ecology.

Radio Player One by Ernest Kline

I heard this book recommended on this podcast (which is so fun to listen to but I have to pace myself because my book list now is already miles long) and had put it on my Overdrive waitlist ages ago, forgot about it and was happily surprised to discover when it did come in a couple of weeks ago. The story takes place in the year 2044 and the story starts when James Halliday, the creator of Oasis - the virtual reality world they inhabit- dies without an heir but with an elaborate challenge of finding an egg. Whoever finds the egg is the winner and the heir of his huge fortune. It is a fun construct and I enjoyed reading it but it reads like a movie which has its obvious perks and failings. It turns out the book is going to be made into a movie (Steven Spielberg is attached) and the author started off as a screenwriter, which is probably why the book felt as it did.

All Things Cease to Appear by Elizabeth Brundage

A friend recommended this one and I'm glad she did, it's an eery mystery about a murder, a marriage, a farm, and two different families. Besides the intrigue of mystery, the book is written well so I'm happily feeling the creeps while I read this one.

Road Back To You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile

You guys...Enneagrams, I'm into it.  After years of ignoring it, I finally gave in and now I'm in deep. I listened to an episode of the Liturgist Podcast (recommended to me also by Lisa!) with Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile which does a great job of introducing the concept, the nine different personality types, and explaining the purpose of it. Ian and Suzanne have their own podcast called Road Back to You, and this here is their book with the same name. There are many reasons why the Enneagram (an ancient personality type system) is appealing to me: I like how it acknowledges the fluidity of personality, how it recognizes that personalities can go to a place of stress or strength, and I really like how it focuses on the motivation behind our action. It makes you think about how you are wired and what truly drives you. I've always known certain things about myself, but it was eye-opening to realize that other people in my personality type (a 7) are motivated by similar things. It is also a good tool for relationships because you can learn about what motivates others who are different from you. This book does a great job of further explaining things that were previously sketched out about each personality type, and it is a l fast read.

The book ends with John O'Donohue's Blessing for Solitude, which I'll include below. I dare you to read it imagining that someone is saying this blessing over you (or even say it aloud in front of a mirror!). It is powerful:

"May you recognize in your life the presence, power, and light of your soul. 

May you realize that you are never alone, that your soul in its brightness and belonging connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe. 

May you have respect for your individuality and difference. 

May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique, that you have a special destiny here, that behind the facade of your life there is something beautiful and eternal happening. 

May you learn to see your self with the same delight, pride, and expectation with which God sees you in every moment."

MY GROWN UP GINGERBREAD HOUSE

Speaking of gingerbread houses, I made one this past weekend too. A friend connected me with this really lovely and talented lady who hosts these gingerbread house decorating parties in her home, and I got to participate this year. She makes these houses from scratch and they looked so beautiful even before any of us got started. 

After just having built one with Sloane, having an afternoon to myself with friends where our only responsibility was to decorate our very own gingerbread house, felt luxurious. 

The house is a little wonky and there things I would have differently in hindsight but I love it so much. I think it looks cozy, like a house I would want to live in, and I also love it because it represents me having dedicated three hours to working with my hands and practicing creativity with no stakes or expectations (and eating a ton of candy while at work!). You know this if you've practiced something similar recently, it is a sort of therapy.

While I was making this, I was excited about bringing it home to show Sloane. I knew she would appreciate it immensely- she did!

I made that fence out of peppermint sticks specifically because they are Sloane's favorite right now. The fence conveniently started falling after I brought it home, so Sloan and I have been sneaking peppermint fences off of the gingerbread property to nibble on. 

SLOANE'S GINGERBREAD HOUSE

My mother-in-law was here this past weekend and we all basked in her soothing presence. Ken and I got out to a party one night, the girls got to spend time with their grandma, I checked off everything on my immense to-do list, and we even made a little gingerbread house with Sloane. At the end of the weekend, I was reeling a little from the hustle (there were three parties to attend, all grown up ones!) but it was all utterly enjoyable and satisfying that I almost forgot it was cold outside, and that's saying something.

I was telling my sisters about the gingerbread house and they reminded me of the ones we used to make with graham crackers. I have fond memories of them - they were very rustic and required a lot of imagination, and maybe one day I'll do one of those with Sloane - but these days I feel great affinity for these pre-made gingerbread houses that make it easy for a busy mom with young kids to get in on the fun. I originally hadn't planned on getting one this year but this one from Trader Joe's was affordable, simple, and adorable that I couldn't resist.

We were all pretty impressed by these little people who came with the gingerbread house.

Sloane said this one was her. 

This made me remember the first gingerbread house she made a couple of years ago when she was two! She's had that concentration mode since she was a baby. 

Logan woke up from her nap halfway through our construction and joined in as a spectator.

Rusty, too.

Note the strategic placement of the dog.

Sloane's happy face!

ST. NICHOLAS DAY

Happy St. Nicholas Day! 

Some may not agree, but even before I had kids I knew I wasn't going to tell my kids that Santa Claus was a real person. I love magic as much as anyone else, maybe more! but there is something strange that happens with Santa in our commercialized culture where it goes from being a fun and magical thing to a frenzied obsession with presents and inevitable set up for disappointment that makes it all unnecessarily stressful. Sloane knows about Santa and she thinks of him like she does all the different characters in storybooks or tv shows - she thinks it's wonderful and fun. We love stories with Santa but my main objective is to avoid making Christmas all about Santa and his presents. It's a fun part of Christmas, just like putting up the tree, making gingerbread houses and cookies; but I don't want her thinking it's Santa that gives her all the things. She knows what it is to pretend and imagine and she loves doing so, without expectation and with a child like wonder.  There is plenty of magic that we embrace everywhere else, all throughout the year, I don't think my kids are missing out. 

Along with Santa, I also told her about St. Nicholas. Last year, I found that in my attempt to explain Santa Claus, it made most sense to start with St. Nicholas, and that evolved into getting together with friends and their kids to learn about him and include this in the celebration of the season. St. Nicholas was a 4th century Christian saint who is known for his legendary habit of secret gift-giving (he's the original Santa!), and now for the second year in a row, we celebrated his day by gathering with friends to exchange books, eat cookies, and then discover clementines and peppermints in our shoes when we leave. 

Sloane remembered this event from last year and was very excited about it all. She said afterwards that her favorite part was the reading of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". It was so sweet watching her uncover peppermints and clementines in her boots! 

The attire for this event was pajamas and we enthusiastically embraced the dress code. Sloane and I have matching winter pajamas from last year and when we both put them on and looked at each other, we were overcome by a giddiness that we expressed by prancing around the room and shouting with glee. Sloane insisted we match our coat and boots as well and I was happy to oblige. You can see our outfits here, and Ken and Logan's attire here. 

I forgot the big camera so these are from my phone and mostly grainy, but you get the idea.

Here is a post of our celebration from last year, and also the video here.