WHAT I'M READING V.8

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on .... by Cheryl Strayed

I picked this one up because I really enjoyed her recent novel, "Wild" but I'm not loving it like I thought I might. This is the only book out of these four that I haven't finished yet and it's partly because it feels like a vehicle to dispense cliche advice. Some of the advice is great and there are poignant moments, usually when she is sharing something from her own experience, but I'm having a hard time connecting in a way that would make me want to get through all of it. I want my advice column to be straight up advice and I want my memoirs to be descriptive and poignant - together, it doesn't do it for me here.

Astonish Me by Maggie Shipstead

This is a novel about a ballerina turned mother, and it takes you into the world of ballet in a way that is voyueristic and relatable. It's a good book and recently I always appreciate a book about a mother trying to reconcile herself with her creative life, but it left my brain as soon as I was done with it.

I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron

I hadn't read anything by Nora Ephron before "I Feel Bad About My Neck", but after that read, I was intrigued and impressed enough to keep reading more. I gotta admit that part of my interest in these essays have to do with the fact that I wouldn't mind being a successful writer living in Manhattan when I'm older. I wouldn't mind that at all.

Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon

This is one of those books that I have been meaning to read for a while and loved it when I finally did. It's just a list of helpful sayings and advice about how to approach your creative process. Some things that I took away from it: collect things you love, surround yourself with people you aspire to, steal from severa of your heroes and transform it, and have a strong work ethic (schedule and log)!

LOGAN AT 2 MONTHS

She's two months now and I would like you all to just take a moment to behold this potato of deliciousness. I spend hours each day looking at her (her favorite position is on my lap, facing me, with my legs propped up behind her) and most of the time I'm giggling at her because all of her things are so round! Round eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks....and her face and head are getting rounder, although, until recently, Ken and I observed it was more like a rectangular block.  I do love me a chub baby; I spend a lot of time nibbling on them. And I mean, that poof of hair! 

This one started smiling early, earlier and more often than I remember Sloane doing at this age, and I already get the sense that she might be more of an extrovert than Sloane is. I remember Sloane would look at you with these ultra black and deep eyes and it was like she was staring into your soul. With Logan, it's more of a friendly 'hey how are you!'

 I spent the first six weeks of Logan's life nursing on a need basis, teaching her about nursing and sleeping and watching her so that I could get to know her and her cues. At about 7 weeks I could tell she was ready, so I started keeping track of all the feedings and naps and implementing the babywise method, which is what I did with Sloane with great success and it seems to be working well with Logan, too.

She's a good eater, chunked up fast and she seems to have an easy going personality, similar to when Sloane was a baby, but she needs more help falling asleep.  Sloane caught on with the whole napping thing real early and would just sleep when it was time to sleep.  But the pacifier works for Logan, so we've been using that to teach her how to fall asleep by herself.  She actually has no problem falling asleep when we are out and about, so I find myself enjoying running errands around her nap times.  Both of them have been easy babies to cart around and travel with, thank the Lord.  

Right now I'm working on getting used to pumping, helping Logan used to taking the bottle (which she is doing much better with than Sloane did), and staying awake enough during her middle of the night feedings to make sure she gets a full feeding. I'm nervous about what all of this is going to look like when I go back to work, but I've done it before I can do it again....is what I'm telling myself.

Okay and because I'm obnoxious and I can't stop with these....

What she looks like up close (a month ago),

what she looks like in a hat (two weeks ago),

....and what she might look like if she had a mohawk (this past week).

And lastly,

You're welcome.

WHAT SLOANE SAID.....IN AUGUST

One day last week, I had one of those days where my thumbs got tired from typing out all the ranting texts that I sent to Ken throughout the day - about how frustrated I was about our first floor being a cavernous space, about how tired I was, about how rude the contractors who were tramping through our house were, about my feelings regarding going back to work, etc.  It was a rough day.  I knew that a day like this could mean that I was shriveled and self-absorbed in a way that might result in me being distracted and impatient, so I made a conscious decision to clear a whole hour of time that I could spend with Sloane.

We played music on her toy record player while she danced on whirled around, we read stories galore, we told each other stories, and we had discussions about her stuffed animals.  It felt wonderful to be able to focus like that without any other distractions, and I was once again reminded that quality time is the best thing that I could give her right now.  Of course the problem is that there is never enough time - there are always chores to do, errands to run, places to come and go from, and now with a new baby it's busier than ever - but being eye level with my little girl and letting her know that I value her by giving her some of my time each day, has become even more important to me.

.....because Sloane is now three and she is a wonder to behold. She delights me and exhausts me. In my opinion she is the most adorable and brilliant specimen ever, but her age and development right now also means that she demands a lot of energy and attention.  

This one skipped the terrible two's altogether and boy I was glad about that, but also a tiny bit concerned, because I'm pretty sure all kids need to go through a boundary pushing, opinion making, foot stomping sort of phase so that they can hear, "no I'm the adult, yes you do need to obey me, yes you may make some decisions on your own, yes I will love you no matter what, no you cannot do that, yes I forgive you" over and over again.   

And now I know, with her in this "threenager" stage, it's also incredibly necessary for character building on the part of the parent, because there are moments when I swear I have come to the very last rung of my patience, but then, because there needs to be more, somehow, I can squeeze out more patience. I'm discovering that if I hold on, take a deep breath and look to the skies for help, my well of patience can be bottomless.  I'm practicing the art of doing just that. 

Also, is Walter the plant going to survive?? It doesn't look promising, but I'm doing my best.  The first thing that I see in these photos is that big brown spot on one of the leaves...which wasn't there before I left for Virginia Beach....Poor Walter, all of us were traumatized.  

Some of the things she said and did in the last month that I made note of: 

Regarding Logan: 

- "Mom, I wuv Logan so so much."

- "Logan is so cute!"

- Whenever Logan cries, "Aww, it's okay Logan. I'll pat you."
- "Oh Logan!" she'll say while she gives her a big hug. 

- "When baby sister gets bigger I'm going to teach her things."

- One night a few weeks ago, "Papa go hold baby sister so that mom can come cuddle with me..."

- "Why are you crying Logan? I'm Sloane, that's mama, that's papa, and we all love you so much!"

- "Logan, it's okay, we are here! We are your family!"

- To Ken's uncle about Logan, "She only eats boobs!"
- She is always patient while I nurse, which I am so thankful for, and often she'll say, "Mom, after Logan eats your boobs, can you come play with me?"

How she is like a toddler: 

- I love the way she talks right now. It makes me sad to know she won't always talk like this so I'm soaking it all up! Her "l" and "r"s are "w"s, as in: swoan, wion, wips (lips! probably one of my favorites), fwendly, wan (ran), etc. Also, it's fascinating how she puts words together, like she will say "felled" to mean "fall" in the past tense - which totally makes sense, seeing as most of our past tense words has "ed" at end of it!  
- She will ask permission for something and if it's something that she thought I might say no to but I say yes, she will ask me one more time to make sure that she heard right. "Yes???....Yay!" 

- I also find it hilarious that sometimes, after she asks Ken for something and he says yes, she will turn around and ask me the same thing, to make sure it's actually really ok. 

How she is like a grown up: 

- After I told her I was tired, "OH mom!...it's okay. You can take your glasses off and go back to sleep..", as she takes my glasses off for me and places them on my nightstand table.
- "Mom, you are a good teacher", as she strokes my hair.
- "So mom, how ARE you?"

- Out of the blue one day: "Why did God make iPads?"
- "Oh mom," she said with a fond and (very grown up) look over her shoulder, "I love you."

Her love of stories, song, and dance: 

- She has told a series of stories where the big bad wolf comes and eats the nice horse or cat, and the story ends with the horse or cat (who somehow comes back to life?) converting the wolf to a nice wolf and saying, "Please don't eat me ever again."

- Her song and dance numbers are amazing. Amazing in the sense that they are hilarious, and so imaginative, and rendered with such serious passion.
- Her imagination is incredibly fun and I love being a part of it. She's a kitty cat, she's a dinosaur, she's a baby, she's back to Sloane, etc.
- She is currently consumed with the movie, "Aristocats" about cats in Paris. We have listened to the soundtrack (which is all of five songs) over and over again, and she can sing along to each of the songs in a way that still amazes me. 
- I love watching her dance, especially when she throws herself into them with abandon. 
- Whenever she is upset or cranky, telling her a story will always put her in a better mood.

And here we have Sloane holding two imaginary kittens.  This was a day where she declared that she had 5 kitten and 5 puppies following her around everywhere. I posted about it here - believe you me, it takes a lot longer to get everyone out of the house when you have 10 imaginary pets to take care of.  

This is her talking to all of them together.  They are apparently lined up against the wall, and I believe she was telling them that they need to be good kittens and puppies.  

ANOTHER DAY AT THE BEACH

This particular morning at the beach, we walked out on the sand to behold the water and it was all so calm and still and beautiful that it felt like we had walked into a painting. Sloane is starting to get (and love) the concept of waves and how fun they can be, and she is a huge fan of the sand, so visits to the beach are just getting better and better for all of us. We feel pretty darn lucky that we were able to go so often this summer when we didn't think we would make it at all! The Lu's love us some beach, even little Logan, who has been on the beach three times now in her short 7 week life. 

So we are back at home now, and don't ask me too many questions about this because I might go into a rant but I'm trying to stay positive and not dwell on the fact that we are still not settled in - the floors are done but the first floor is still a mess, the furniture is still not moved in, and we are eating our meals haphazardly in Sloane's room or standing up next to the kitchen - and it's absolutely irritating in so many ways but we are going with it because what else can you do? And trying to make upstairs living as fun and bearable as we can ("look Sloane, breakfast in your room!" "Heyy an indoor picnic), but oh boy am I ready to get back into the swing of things...especially because I'm a teensy bit anxious about getting back to work.  

As I was driving to my crossfit box last night (and blasting Kelly Clarkson's Catch My Breath) I thought about this new upcoming chapter in my life of having to now balance two kids with all the other grown up obligations of a job, career, pursuing an inner life, relationship with my husband and friends and paying my bills and so on....and I couldn't help wish I could compartmentalize things a little more, like, could I have two sets of my 20's? One where I have all the kids and get them past age five, and another where I have time to get some experience in my work and find a job that works for me? No? I have to do it all in one go? Alright, here is me sucking it up. I can do it because I have to, but also, I can't help realize that one area informs the other in a way that results in necessary growing pains, which results in character building and maturity and all that jazz, so here is me finding peace in that...at least, trying to. 

Speaking of crossfit, I went back for my first workout since the baby this past Monday and it was quite the thrill. I couldn't wipe the big grin off my face when I walked out, it felt so dang good to be working out again...but then the next morning and the day after that, I really paid for it with sore muscles. I looked absolutely ridiculous trying to walk, it was that bad, but I didnt mind all too much because it just means I'm back in the game!

Now for some photos of a serene morning at the beach. It's inevitable how after a morning this, you start thinking of ways that you can and probably should live near the ocean. 

VIRGINIA BEACH AQUARIUM

I've been trying to write this post for DAYS now and here's hoping that today is the day I finally get 'er done. We got back home Sunday night from the beach and we are a little pooped, reeling from a great time in Virginia Beach, frustrated by our first floor still not being back to normal, and trying to get back in the swing of things nevertheless. 

And besides, I have pictures to share! Things to say! Declarations to make! So let's get to it. One of the things we did last week was visit Virginia Beach's aquarium. Sloane and I had been watching Planet Earth earlier this summer, and had hopes that we would be able to see some of the animals we learned about, so it was thrilling to walk up to the building and immediately see these beautiful seals swimming by us in a tank and jumping out to get fed. 

And then we walked inside and saw....dinosaurs?!  They were having a dinosaur exhibit with these huge robot-like dinosaurs that moved and made rawr-ing noises, which even I had to admit was a little scary. Sloane recently had shown interest in dinosaurs and had picked out a T-Rex toy at Target the other day, so she was really excited...until she realized she was actually scared, and then she was not so excited.

On the way out of the dinosaur exhibit, she spotted this sticker of a smaller dinosaur (Velociraptor?*) and exclaimed that it was probably a friendly dinosaur because it was smaller and similar in size to her T-Rex toy dinosaur. Here she is having them meet each other.

*As we were walking through the exhibit, I pointed out each dinosaur and to my surprise each of their names came to me all of a sudden, as if out of the ether. I haven't said the word, "Stegosaurus" in who knows how many years but there it came, out of my mouth.  I didn't know what this one was called, so I had to look it up, but I do remember these from the movie, Jurassic Park. When I think about,  probably the only reason why I know the names of dinosaurs is because of that movie, and also The Land Before Time, which I remember to be really good. I don't remember what happens in that one anymore, but I remember watching it a whole bunch of times, and I can't wait to watch it someday with Sloane.

Note: T-Rex nibbling on my mother-in-law 's neck.  It's a friendly dinosaur, but it still gets hungry now and then.

There were people swimming around in the big tank and Sloane was primarily concerned with why on earth there was a person in there.

That's her telling me that if you touch the sting rays they might sting you. 

And this is her explaining to grandma that if you touch the sting rays, they might sting you. The way she explains things to you as if she is telling you the most important thing ever, using her hands, and her eyes big and round, is so excellent. 

And these sea turtles were probably our favorite thing there. They were huge, majestic and beautiful. And as Sloane pointed out, "They're flying!!!"

We did it! We love you! Goodbye! 

SLOANE AND LOGAN

I would probably be saying this about boys if I had sons, but I have two stinkin' cute daughters so I gotta say, I love having daughters.

There was a time when I was pregnant with Sloane that I thought I was having a boy and was a little disappointed when we found out we were having a girl (I wanted a boy first, and then a girl), but that lasted for all of two minutes and now it's hard to imagine it any other way.

I like shopping in the girl's section, I like doing Sloane's hair, I love teaching her about the kind of beauty that is found in strength and intelligence. I feel lucky to be able to share my experiences - joys and struggles - as a woman with my daughters. 

And for me, one of the best things about being a girl was the relationship that I was able to have with my sisters. I don't know who I'd be without my sisters; I'm of the opinion that a lot of what is good about me came from the sisterhood I grew up with. 

So when we found out we were having another girl, I was thrilled to be able to give Sloane a sister.

I can't determine what kind of relationship they'll have, but I pray for them the kind of sisterhood and bond that will encourage and raise each other up, that they will be a refuge for each other, and that they will learn how to appreciate being women, together.

And it has to be said -  what will help immensely in how these girls learn to love themselves and each other is this awesome dad of theirs, who loves their mom so well and treasures each of them with all his heart.  

Currently:

My heartbeat around the infant is:

Protect, nurse, nurture, feed, inhale, enjoy, kiss, smooch, squeeze, inhale some more... 

My pulse around the toddler is:

Regard, converse, be amazed, inhale, caress, trace, hold, discipline, embrace, encourage...

With both of them I'm trying to memorize their little bodies, movements, expression, sounds and words. Together and separately, they are my little miracles.

VISITING MOCA

As a new mother of two, I've been learning some important things.

Such as, backpacks are the best thing to use as a 'diaper' bag. With Sloane, I didn't even do a diaper bag, I just threw a few diapers and wipes in my purse. But now with a toddler and infant, I feel the need to be extra prepared. My bag now includes the usual diapers and wipes, but also an extra change (or two) of clothes for both kids, plastic bags, snacks, water, sunblock, bug spray, both my and Sloane's sunglasses, and then my wallet, keys and phone. I have found the perfect bag for this is the Everlane backpack - it is my favorite thing to carry these days.

Also, preferably always have an extra set of hands helping you, but if that isn't available, go out anyways. The baby loves sleeping on the go and the toddler loves adventure.

Also, having a pad and pencil or crayons on hand at any given moment is good way to kill time, distract and inspire. 

Also, take photos. They really help contribute to the sense of accomplishment from a day that flies by filled with activities and to-do lists. 

Coffee, is of course, an absolute must. 

So we went to go visit Museum of Contemporary Art here the other day....and walked in to learn that their exhibits were closed...womp womp. We made the most of it and whipped out the sketch pads and crayons I had packed up in my preparedness backpack and went in search of inspiration. They had this Chihuly glass sculpture up, so we plopped ourselves down in front of it and went to work. 

That face! And note the "cell phone" that is never too far away - she talks on it to friends and family and also imaginary friends. She also looks at pretend photos on it...

After we did several interpretations of what we saw in the glass sculpture, we went off to explore some more. There were a couple of smaller exhibits to the side that we wandered through, and I got so excited to contemplate art with her: "Look Sloane! Ooh Sloane, look at that! Hey do you see that there?"

After a while, Sloane looked at me and said, "Moom, you don't have to tell me to look every time. I can look by myself!"

Sloane, the teenager. 

We ended our trip by settling ourselves in the lobby area where they had trees growing inside pots, which were lined up in rows and covered in little lights. Sloane did several renditions of these trees on her sketchpad with my mother in law while I nursed Logan...that's a major perk of museums, there are plenty of benches to settle down on and even nursing feels easy because there aren't usually a ton of people. I think it's safe to say we left inspired and I can't wait to take her to some more art museums now that she can "look by herself"..!

OUR MORNING AT THE BEACH

There is this thing happening with our floors at home and it's become a giant ordeal and pain in the behind and there isn't a single thing I can do about it except wait, and try not to be dramatic about all the delays, and try to focus on the positives even though I have been driven out of my home with two kids and I haven't seen Ken all week, and I miss my bed and I've had to put all my nesting instincts on hold, blah blah blah. 

Because there are these positives, like being Virginia beach during the weekday is kind of nice (we had a snow cone on a Monday night!) and all the extra time we get to spend with my in-laws (thank God Ken's family is wonderful)...and each time Ken's grandma comes over to coo and talk to Logan in Chinese and Logan smiles and coos back at her, it's kind of amazing. 

Plus, we didn't think we were going to make it to the beach this year, especially with the newborn, but with all the extra time down here and the extra hands, we thought, why not? Ken came down last weekend and we made it happen. I was a little nervous about being out there with the baby being so little but we rolled the stroller out on the beach, rented some shade, and kept our stay to a couple of hours and it was fine.

Ken and I kept high-fiving each other - "we're doing it!" ...."we made it!"....."we did it!" You could say we were pleasantly surprised. Logan got a nursing session on the beach ( I did it!), Ken caught some waves and Sloane got to play with her bucket and shovel - she had been talking about it for weeks - so we were all pretty proud of ourselves. Beach trip as a family of four, check!