SUMMER WISH LIST

from left to right, clockwise: 1, 2, 3, 4

THAT TIME I THREW AWAY A HUGE BATCH OF SALAD

I'm really really not having a bad week. Let's get that out of the way first.

It's just that we are into week two of Operation "While Ken Is Away For Work' and while last week went by without a hitch, this one is feeling a bit more daunting. What do you mean, you ask? Well, for starters, last week, Sloane all of a sudden decided that bed time really was bed time and that she would fall asleep as soon as she hit the crib. It was glorious. 'I think she's gotten it!' I told Ken over the phone. I saw a bright future ahead of us. Also, it was the of the utmost help that I started last week off by going to bed extra extra early for the first couple of days. (It's always the sleep thing, isn't it?)

A few things aside, I'm having a good week filled with things like homemade corn tortillas and a special lemon day with my lady friends (more on this later!), but something is slightly askew. When I described to Ken what I am about to describe here now, he prescribed more sleep, and repeatedly assured me that I would not end up at a mental institute. That's what husbands are for!


You know what I have to do in these days? At least once a day, I empty out all of the things that are in my brain down onto a piece of paper. I write it out - the words, the thoughts, the lists, the to-dos. It's nothing fancy, and it's a lot of scribbles, but it helps. I used to do this back in the day, and we're back to it now, for different reasons, but it works for me, especially because it sometimes really feels like things are going to overflow out of my brain and dribble down the sides of my head.

It's true, I couldn't fall asleep on Sunday night because my brain would not.shut.off. It was running amuck cataloguing all of the things that I had to do for this upcoming week (I want to insert a note here to say, when I say "all the things I had to do", I don't mean it in the ways of "all the things that I have to do that I actually don't want to do", I mean it in the sense of "all the things I want to do and need to do in order to keep my life running both smooth and joyful."  Just so we're clear.) I made it to work on Monday in one piece (why yes, I do feel a huge sense of accomplishment by just making it into work; it's no simple feat.) but later on that day, I found myself in a situation where I totally forgot my phone number. I was leaving a voice message and after the area code, MY MIND WENT COMPLETELY BLANK and grasping for straws, I started saying my very old telephone number because that is what my brain pushed that out of my mouth in a mad panic. Needless to say, that was one of the more embarassing voice messages I've left.  Later on that evening, while preparing Sloane's food for the next day, I forgot to put the steam basket into the pot, leaving the apple slices to just boil in the water instead of being steamed. Up until this point, it was laughable. Then, while I was taking out my contacts, I must have had a moment of blacking/blanking out because I found myself grabbing my bare eyeballs with my fingers trying to take my contact out. Confused, I looked down into the sink and saw that I must have taken my contacts out and then discarded them into the sink. It was at this moment, I had the tiniest of breakdowns.  Nothing too dramatic, just a slight feeling of hysteria and sadness of what-the-heck.

Just so you don't think I'm all mope and despair, this Monday was pretty fantastic. Work was long, but not bad. Sloane was especially plush and snuggly, and she entertained herself with the cabinet door long enough for me to get some things done. Friends came over to have a lemon party and I enjoyed the heck out of that.  I'll have you know, that of the three things that I messed up on or forgot, I remembered and did about 54 things.

I'm writing about the ridiculousness that is the loss of some of my very basic facilities like remembering my phone number and taking out my contacts, because Tuesday's evening felt very much a part of the song that is entitled, "Is Christine going to hold it together?" Granted, the failure of the salad wasn't due to anything of my doing. I had made this gigantic batch of chicken, broccoli slaw, kale, red onion, and dried cranberries topped with an oil and balsamic vinegar dressing (inspired by Shutterbean) that I was going to eat the crap out of, but when I opened up the container of it today, something funky had happened. Strange, because on day one, I muched my way through a super delicious bowl of it, but today, it was a different animal.  It was probably the chicken that had turned, but regardless, the whole thing smelled rancid and it was inedible. Terribly disappointed, I bravely went forth to conquer the next item on my list, which was returning an ill-fitting pair of jeans at that mall which is in the westest of ends, and when we get there, it was raining the fattest raindrops I ever did see. Sloane and I made it there and back, you'll be happy to know, and you'll also be interested to know that I inhaled the waffle fries that I picked up at Chik-fil-a in lightening speed.

If this were a movie, the poignant scene would be the one where right after the woman put the baby to sleep, she finds herself in the bathroom, without toilet paper, without a husband around to get her some toilet paper, listening to the baby struggle crying trying to fall asleep.  Then the end of the movie, if tonight was the end of that movie, you would see the woman in serene calm, baby asleep, and you would see the woman sitting alone, eating juicy grapes, listening to some amorphous and instrumental music, slaying her to-do list, and tap tap tapping a blog post on the laptop's keyboard.

I have to write these things down, because I need to remember, that all of this - the wide-eyed wonder, the strain, the bouts of superwomanhood, the bouts of losingmymind, the satisfaction and peace, the planning and waiting - is the joy and depth that is my life right now.  The joy and depth! Some of it has to do with being a mom, some of it has to do with me just figuring out how to do some of the things I want to do.  A lot of it has to do with finding myself in the balance.  Probably even more has to do with me finding my capacity through a very pervasive kind of grace.

FIRST FRIDAY CHEERS MEANS SUMMER IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER

There are things that make me love this town so hard and I've noticed that usually these feelings come out full force when the weather is turning and summer is announcing her sweet self.  Being outside in the sun's glow with good food, drink and friends is totally my M.O.  Yesterday, we went out to Hardywood Park Brewery's foodtruck court with a friend who was in town and tonight we met some friends at Friday Cheers to hear Shovel and Rope play. The weather whiplashed from warm to windy and cold as the sun set, but boy did it feel good to roam around the grassy knoll on Brown's Island surrounded by other folk who were likewise eager to get their summer on.

Thanks laura for the family photos! 

AMAZING pizza from Grate Pizza food truck: 

Duck confit & smoked gouda-crucifer mash & wild mushroom & crispy potato & blackberry gastrique.  

HOW IT GOES

Some days (like yesterday) I am like wow! look at this! Did I officially cross a gazillion things off my list and win like a boss?

And then I got up this morning, realized I hadn't done the three things on the list that were actually the most important, and barely got baby, all the bags, myself, and breakfast-on-the-go stuffed into the car when I realized again that I forgot to take the milk I had bought into the house the night before, and then I get to work and realized I forgot the truly important thing of all ....... my coffee mug.  Were you counting? That's three - one, two, three - realizations

But so it goes, and I again make a new to-do list for the day, get some diet dr. pepper, thank the heavens for my last minute outfit change out of the black dress that had visible baby food running down it, and end up having a pretty good day anyways!

While K. has been away for work this week, Sloane and I have run errands everyday after work, and it feels a little bit like I will get indigestion because I gulp down my food so fast in order to be able to make it out and back before her bedtime, but it is kind of great taking her around with me because she is in utter awe and observation of all the different places we go (have you ever imagined what a grocery store looks like to a baby? or Target??) and just her eyeballs on everything keeps her occupied and it is all kinds of fun showing her different things. And in that way, jump with me to the grand conclusion here, that sometimes it's twice as hard getting things done with a babe, but it is also ten times more fun.

We stopped by the hat section on our way to get some milk, and Sloane tried on a slew of hats, looking at each one carefully. She is also becoming a really good cart rider. Here she is letting me know she too, is a fan of Target.

A DAY IN THE LIFE

Warning, long post ahead!
But this is a blog about my life, so.

I had the day off of work today, and I resolved to use it as a catch-up, errand-running, baby-lovin' kind of day.  Spoiler alert, I only got about half-way through my to-do list, but it was a grand day nonetheless. I'm going to do this thing here where I detail and document our schedule today and give you a peek into a day in the life of a mama bear and her baby bear.

My day usually starts around 6AM every morning (including weekends...) but Sloane let me sleep until 7:00 AM, bless her soul.

7:00 AM: Good morning Sloane! Nurse baby, play with baby

8:00 AM: Breakfast. Tofu and avocado for baby. Sauteed vegetables and a fried egg for mama.

8:30 AM: Play time

9:00 AM: Nurse baby, baby goes down for a nap

9:30 AM:  Catch up on e-mails and skim headlines with a cup of coffee. I also had a piece of a lemon pie I made last night - I'll tell you more about that later.




10:00 AM: Prepare food for Sloane. I love this Babycook machine.

Also, wash dishes, fold laundry, get diaper bag and self ready to go out.

10:45 AM: Wake Sloane, change diaper, head out!

11:00 AM: Visit a thrift store. I visited Class and Trash for the first time and it kept our eyeballs fully occupied. Sloane was in awe.

12:15 PM: Return home, nurse baby.

12:30 PM: Lunch.  Sweet potato sticks and peas for baby,  chicken sweet potato curry (leftovers from dinner lat night) for mama.

1:30 PM: Clean baby up, playtime in the nursey

2:15PM: Outside time

2:30 PM: Wash dishes while Sloane whined at me from her exersaucer. She has been less and less happy about being confined in there. After I finished the dishes, we went back up to the nursery to play.

3:00 PM: Nurse baby, then baby goes down for her afternoon nap.

3:30 PM: More laundry, cleaning, some work.

5:00 PM: Baby wakes

5:30 PM: Papa comes home!

5:45 PM: Nurse baby.

6:00 PM: Cook dinner.

6:30 PM: Dinner.  Mango and brown rice cereal for baby. Bacon fried rice for mama and papa (inspired by Shutterbean)

7:00 PM: Playtime and night time activities with baby.

8:00 PM: Baby's bedtime.

8:30 PM: A myriad of things, including spending some time with this book that I got in the mail today that I am really excited about. It's about the daily rituals of writers, composers, painters, poets, sculptors, filmmakers, scientists, etc. and "how they create (and avoid creating) their creations."

And there we are!

HUNT.GATHER

There's a part of my brain that buzzes and hums whenever I can get in the mode of creating or being creative. It is fulfilling in of itself, but the buzz also helps to stimulate all of the rest of brain, and helps me to stay engaged in both the lofty and everyday life.  There's many things I love about pursuing the creative life, but one of my favorite things is when it forms or begets community. So obviously when I heard about the newly formed Hunt.Gather retreat for women, I was all 'where do I sign up?'

The beginning of such retreats happened last weekend. It was a two day, three session affair, and it offered classes such as photography, writing, cooking, drawing and knitting.  Its intention is to draw out and form community - Redemption Hill's community, the Richmond community, our community - of ladies who are participants and purveyors of the creative life, and provide a space to retreat, make, and conversate. The preparation was simple - you picked a session or two of your interest, paid just $5 per class, and then showed up. I signed up for a figure drawing class because it had been oh so long since I sketched with a pencil and pad and I was excited for the set aside time to just revel in moving my hand across a page. It was a much needed break from the busy life and it was refreshing - there was humming, buzzing, zoning, relaxing. Our teacher, Michaela, was fun, relaxed, and knowledgeable about guiding the small group through each person's attempts, and her insights and the experience of those few hours reminded me of how enjoyable I find this particular mode of creating.

I know that Megan - the force behind this retreat - is looking to make this a recurring event, possibly the next one to come in the fall, so keep your eye out. If you like their Facebook page, you will probably be alerted when the dates for the next one go up. You can find the Facebook here, see more pictures there, and the blog here.

TWO ARMS TO HOLD AS MUCH AS I NEED

I am zone out queen these days. It's not that I am thinking about nothing; it's that I have so many things to think on that I leave reality for a minute in order to address that other thought and then it's all, 'where DID i put those keys?'  I explain this to my husband by saying that I have more important things to use my brain power for, i.e. making sure I do my best to take care of a baby, and yes it IS unfortunate that I can't remember if I've turned the stove off, but I'm trying, and things seem to be going okay so far, don't they? i know it drives K. sometimes - it drives ME crazy almost all the time, but patience, patience, while I get the hang of this.

I call it the octopus mode. It's a necessary skill that is thrust upon a mother, and if you're a newbie, there's some fumbling around and dropping of balls. But then I think (I hope) what happens is that you start to become better at the juggling and become the sort of octopus that knows how to utilize all eight arms like a champ. Sometimes I really do wish I had about six more arms, but then, would it feel as complete, as filling, and all-encompassing as it does when I hold my baby close and tight with my two arms?

For now, (I tell myself), it's okay that I drop a ball or two, as long as I can use these two arms that I do have to wrap them around my baby each night.

COLOR ME RAD

My sis-in-law and her bf came up to RVA this past weekend so that we could all run a 5K together wherein we donned white shirts to get pumped and colorbombed.  It was so much fun - for people watching, feeling like a part of a big community, being splattered with colors, and getting some exercise on a crispy Saturday morning.  It was totally my kind of party/exercise.

All photos taken with a Kodak disposable camera.