SLOANE THESE DAYS, AND HARK THE HERALD

A few days ago Sloane told me a story about what happened at school and ended her story with, "...and that was inappropriate." It took a whole bunch of restraint not to dissolve into giggles at this, and I nodded along seriously. My life feels a little more complete, now that I have heard a three year old pronounce the word, "inappropriate".

Sloane these days is constantly playing pretend.

When I go to pick her up after school, she is a kitty cat, and she meow meow's her hello.  When we get home, she tells me that not only is she a giraffe, but I am a giraffe too, and so is Logan and dad, too. Then she suggests different scenarios that we should act out.

Last Saturday, as soon as she woke up, she did some dancing and singing and then told me the following things: "Hi, what's your name? I am Sloane Lu. I have no parents (sad face), I have no mom and dad! I'm an orphan. And I have no house, I have no bed and no toys. All I have is a sofa....I'm going to get married to a boy. And look! Now I have a baby growing in my stomach. It's a baby boy, and he's kicking."

Then she declared that we will play Snow White - she was Snow White, and i was the evil queen, and after I offered her the poison apple, she fell down with such dramatics that Ken and I were impressed. After her teddy bear (who was her friend and also a doctor) woke her up, she announced that we would now play little mermaid. A pretend play of the little mermaid turned into Ariel (Sloane) and prince Eric (me) going on a picnic and then realizing that they needed to go grocery shopping. And on and on...

It's really fun, but also it can get tiring because her playing pretend all the time means that she wants us to be playing pretend all the time which is hard to do when you're also trying to get things done or when you want your daughter to stop being a zebra and turn back into a human so she can put her toys away. I'm learning so many things- I'm learning how to be be patient, how to communicate instructions and be firm when I need to. And I'm learning how to get down on the ground and play my heart out.

Sloane is three and a half and Logan is six months old, so they are almost exactly three years apart. I would have thought Logan too young to play with Sloane but Sloane has facilitated play with her over the past few months in a way that totally surprises me.

Sloane pretends Logan's foot is a flute or a trumpet and sings into it.

Sloane reads Logan her books - not the actual words of the book, but her own interpretation of it. 

Sloane introduces all of her animals and tells Logan about each of their tendencies.
Sloane feeds Logan pretend food 

Sloane helps give her a bath
Sloane hands Logan a rattle and when Logan bangs it against the table, Sloane bangs along in unison.

It's awesome!

What else is awesome is how Sloane gets really into a song and wants to listen to it a hundred times to learn it and then wants to sing it all the time thereafter. Recently, it has been "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" coming out of the Christmas season. I got some video of her singing it - she actually does know all the words to the song but apparently I caught her in a moment of extra vulnerability. 

WAYS TO RELISH THE DAY TO DAY

A few months ago, I wrote up a list of ways to stay ahead of myself and I am revisiting them now and posting them here as a sort of rallying cry. It has gotten freezing cold the past few weeks, and the plummeting temperatures mean my spirits and resolve take a nosedive as well.  As I read through this list I'm remembering that I wrote this up to remind myself that it's important not just survive but to THRIVE!! Practicing these habits each week help me really relish the day to day.

One of the most helpful things for me these days has been to sit down at the beginning of the week and visualize the days ahead. I look at my calendar and bullet journal to mentally prepare myself for what is coming up and make task lists for each thing. I usually do this on Monday mornings which 1) makes Monday a little less dreadful, and 2) gets me ready and excited for the week. 

Here are some of the other things that I've been practicing, in the spirit of relishing: 

1. Prepare all of our meals for the week: We take Sunday afternoons to do this and have made it a family event with Sloane helping where she can. This is a lifesaver for me during the weekdays, and gives me a few extra minutes to spend with the girls instead of preparing dinner when I get home from work. 

2. Prioritize bedtime: This means valuing bedtime routines and the quality time it allows us to have with the girls, but it also means making sure that we ourselves go to sleep at a reasonable time. 

3. Wake up early: Prioritizing bed time is important to me because I want to wake up early! I've said this before but morning times have become so precious to me - for meditating, for mentally preparing for the day, for writing, for appreciating my family - and I want to maximize it as much as I can. 

4. Come up with a system for doing everyday chores: there are household things that need to get done every day, like washing pump parts, packing our lunches, washing dishes, tidying up, etc. and I have found that the most painless thing to do is to do them them the night before.

5. Write everything down: I assess the upcoming week but I also look ahead and try to plan things weeks and months ahead. This helps me look forward to things and also helps evaluate whether too much is going on. I am also a great lover of lists so I make lists for everything - grocery, books I've read, books I want to read, ideas for events, ideas for trips, things that Sloane says, etc.

6. Reflect: In addition to the above, I have found that writing a blog has been such a great way to keep up the discipline of reflecting. And reflecting inevitably leads to appreciating, experiencing gratitude and feeling full. 

7. Enjoy the errands: There are certain errands that need to get done each week, the main one being grocery shopping, and I realized that a slight change in perspective can make a world of difference. Instead of thinking of it as a chore and a drag, we make it a family outing and it has been something that we all enjoy doing because we get to do it together. 

8. Get in the habit of looking forward to everything: Whenever I start to feel a sense of dread or anxiety about the future, I stop and readjust my focus on the small things. One of the best ways I have found to being content is to look forward to all of the small things that I know will happen each day. So instead of trying to breeze through the week to get to the weekend, only to then dread the next week, I think about how much I'm looking forward to seeing the girls first thing in the morning, to getting into bed with Ken each night, to the quiet of the workday, to that first cup of coffee, to the hot shower, etc. It makes me feel like I am the luckiest person in the world. 

....Now if I could only get a handle on our laundry each week..

AMELIE MANCINI

Amelie Mancini is a French artist and designer living in Brooklyn who does these beautiful prints on bags, pouches, cards and other home goods. I love the desert theme, and the hieroglyphics are awesome too. 

I have my eyes on the pouches because I've found that small or medium pouches are a great solution to losing things in the black hole that is your big bag. They are especially great for organizing all the various things that come with being a mom to a toddler and baby! 

A VISIT TO THE VMFA

While we were dating, Ken and I visited art museums together and through that I was led to believe that Ken really enjoyed going to the museum, and I like to think that it probably contributed to my assessment that Ken would be a good one to marry. Come to find out after marriage, Ken in fact does not enjoy museums as much as I thought. He likes to clarify that he actually loves museums, but that he is the least enthused about art museums, but to his credit he is usually a good sport about it, especially "since it's something to do", as he put it so romantically the other day. 

That day was a day back at the end of December when the day was so spectacularly warm and beautiful, and I felt absolutely like all the cells in my body were begging to be basked in the sun or inspired in some way. I remembered that the VMFA has a great outdoor space, as well as exhibits that I wanted to check out, so we headed over there with both of the girls. 

Let me explain, part of the reason why I like an art museum has nothing to do with the actual art there. Of course that is the main thing, but I also love it for the way it creates hallowed space to hold and display that art. I love the large scale that museums allow art to be, and the reverant way it is exhibited and framed, and how it allows you, asks of you, to stand there to behold it. I believe in art being everywhere, usually prefer it, but when a city has an art museum, you know that it values art enough to designate a physical space. 

As I walk into a museum like VMFA, I instantly feel like I am part of something bigger than myself. There is a hush, a calm, a quieting of all other distractions so that your soul can properly be inspired. You can't help by feel the ghosts of artists past, their passion, and I hear the whisper of, "this is important" rushing through all of the rooms. I feel inspired not just towards art, but towards all of my creative faculties. And then when you bring a kid, you also start feeling tingly with the prospect of showing her these amazing pieces and talking about them with her. I know Ken felt those tingles too.

It was kind of amazing beholding Sloane beholding these large scale pieces.

She said this one was her favorite... Because of how there was a dog and a child riding a small horse in it. 

 

This was an amazing painting (look at that dress!) but I was equally impressed with the frame. Wow.

Ken said this one was his favorite - I think it was a photo of a highway toll at night.

Side note: Sloane and I ran inside to use the bathroom at one point  and while we were walking past the mirrors in there, I had a flashback to a moment when I walked by those very same mirrors, not with Sloane skipping along next to me, but inside my belly.  I actually have a post about it here, when I describe walking around the VMFA very very pregnant.... how wild!

WHAT I'M READING V. 12

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand

A friend recommended it and I was surprised to learn it had been made into a movie, which had gone totally unnoticed by me. The book is a biography of Louis Zamperini, a former Olympic track star who survived a plane crash and spent over two years in Japanese prison camps. The story is heartbreaking and compelling and it made me grieve again for the atrocities of war. It felt like a privilege to learn of his story.

Places I Stopped on the Way Home by Meg Fee

This is a small collection of essays by a blogger that I started following a while ago named Meg Fee. I appreciate how she approaches writing as a craft and I can feel that she loves words and sentences while reading her essays. She recently released this little e-book about her past relationships and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Big Magic: Elizabeth Gilbert

I LOVED this book. I wasn't expecting that, but I picked it up because I liked her TED talk about the creative process and I'm so glad I did. She starts by asking the question of "What is creativity?" And answers with, "The relationship between a human being and the mysteries of inspiration." and explores those mysteries within this book. She asks, "Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?" Because "...the courage to go on that hunt in the first place is what separates a mundane existence from a more enchanted one." It was so encouraging to be told that "living creatively does not necessarily mean pursuing a life that is professionally or exclusively devoted to the arts" but "living a life that is driven more strongly by curiosity than fear." I needed to hear this right when I did.

The Big Short: Inside the Doomsday Machine by Michael Lewis

I'm only a chapter in so far and I'm totally intrigued. Some of the terms and concepts take time to understand, but this subject matter is something I want to know more about, and this book came on my radar again because of the movie that just came out, so I'm going to push through and see what's on the other side of it. 

LOGAN AT 6 MONTHS

This little girl has been a big chubby ball of joy and sleeplessness this past month! She had been doing pretty well with sleeping at night up until this past month, when it was like a switch flipped, and she was doing things like waking up every hour. There probably was a variety of reasons: it started with a cold, she had recently learned to flip over and I would find her trying to do that in her bed, it was the holidays? I don't know, whatever it was, it meant for a really tired mom...

Last week (after a failed first attempt due to holiday events and guests coming through), we hunkered down and attempted sleep training. It went better and better each day, until by the weekend I was getting a big chunk of sleep and she was consistently able to fall back asleep by herself. And then last night happened, wherein she did not want to go back to sleep after 3:30 AM and then passed out at 6 AM? Something like that. Ah well, it's all part of the adventure. Here's to more 'training' this week! For both baby and mama. 

She may be a light sleeper and antsy at night, but during the day, she is chill and relaxed, happy as can be. She smiles easily, loves to be around people, and is agreeable to all sorts of changes and settings. It makes it really easy to completely forget a hard night when those cheeks shine up at you with the happiest of dispositions.

So far she has eaten rice cereal, apples, bananas, pears, avocado, sweet potato, carrots and green beans. I love watching her take food from the spoon like a little baby bird and work it around in her mouth. And like with Sloane, I am excited to introduce her to all the flavors and textures out there.

She has gotten stronger (her grip is surprisingly hard to get out of), likes to sit up, is trying to scoot around and the other day in the bath, she tried with all of her might to stand up in order to reach a baby rubber duck. She has so much lower mass that her attempts were hilarious to witness. She loves baths and it is such a contrast to Sloane, who would rarely crack a smile when she was a baby in the bath. 

Logan has gotten much more relational over the past month, smiling at sloane, wanting to play and engage with her older sister, trying to dance along to our spontaneous dance parties, and blowing raspberries with all her might. It's so exciting!

Also, I like that when I sing to her she looks at me like I am the world's best singer. Same with when I'm dancing around. It is a pretty great ego boost.






This stance right here captures her personality pretty well, I think.

I also snapped photos of these two playing this weekend- I have so many things to say about this! But more on that later, for now, I want to share this moment where Sloane was feeding Logan pretend food and Logan was really into it, probably because she thought she was getting real food. Sloane in turn was enthused that Logan was playing along.

No, but really, where's the food? 

REFLECTING AND RESOLVING

Alright, here it comes, reflections and resolutions ...let's do this.

I'm feeling hopeful already because we've almost made it through this week. It was really cold this week, like REALLY cold, for the first time since winter fell upon us, and it was also the first full week back at work after the holidays. Plus, we were committed to sleep training Logan. All that, and I survived. 2016 is looking pretty good already. 

I used to roll my eyes a little at resolutions but in the past few years i have felt their value in assessing, meditating, celebrating and hoping. Also, it is great fun to look back at them (like mine from last year..!) to make time and progress. 

These past six months, after having my second child, I've been sharply aware of how short life is. I feel it like a huge spotlight upon my life, in a way that puts me into this trance where I'm seeing the past, present and future all at once: I see how temporary my children's stages are, I see how hard it might have been for my parents when I was a kid, but also really fun. I see my parents' marriage right now and how they must remember so much about the past but how they must keep moving forward, I see how our girls will be out of the house much sooner than we think it will happen, I see how our friends and family will grow old and sometimes very sick, and how there will be heartbreak. I see how joyful and perfect certain small moments are. 

Maybe this is the spirit in which I reflect and write my resolutions. As a joyous shout for the past and the future. 

Looking back:

1. In 2015, I turned 32 and with that, my 30's didn't seem like such a big deal anymore. As in, it didn't seem intimidating or "so old"; it just seemed like a place to be. I feel glad for my wizen age.

2. The highlight of the year meeting our second daughter, Logan. The joy I feel about having gotten to know her over the past six months is bottomless. 

3. We had to evacuate to VA beach during my maternity leave because of flooring issues. This was annoying but it also turned into an wonderful 2.5 weeks that I got to spend with my mother-in-law, and now VA beach feels like another home.

4. We have been planning and prepping heathy meals for the past two years but after the second kid, I was resolved to ramp it up even more with preparing and pre-packaging every meal, and that's exactly what we did. It has been a life saver and time giver during the busy work weeks.

5. I wanted to read more this past year, and I did! The Overdrive app and audiobooks helped immensely with this, and I'm a happier girl for it.

6. I've been trying to get a handle on my hair, meaning I want to minimize effort in dealing with it and maximize its potential. I've been playing with baking soda shampoo, vinegar conditioning, no shampoo, silk pillowcases, and other variations. I'm liking the extra time this buys me every morning.

7. There is nothing like adding another baby to the mix to light the fire under you to organize and simplify. I've made several cleanses and organization efforts that I am happy with this past year, and plan to keep this up in the next year. It's not just a one time effort, it is continuous!

8. It has been huge for me to learn this past year that I am totally ok (and maybe even prefer? For the time being) the fact that my job and my hobby can be separate things. It has been extremely encouraging to embrace this.

9. This past year I made a conscious effort to always appreciate the present and I've seen the fruits of that. I can't help but feel in my gut that this awareness is answer to pleas for wisdom.

10. Related to the last point, I feel more practiced and skilled at living one day at a time. Sometimes, this feels like a magic power. Other times, it feels like a life vest. 

Looking ahead: 

1. Simplify and organize even more: I have this Tupperware cabinet that must be conquered.

2. First fruits: My friend mentioned this in a recent conversation and the words stuck with me. This might be the theme for this next year in order to make sure I am prioritizing properly. First fruits means I spend the very first few minutes of my day thanking God and saying prayers, first fruits means I give my kids my full attention when I'm with them, first fruits means I am very kind and loving to my husband whenever I speak to him.

3. Career: I want to be more visible in my job and hope to advance.

4. Write more. Always, write more.

5. Get a piano. I've been dreaming about this for years, and I want to make a real push for it this year. 

6. Keep reading. I am committed to reading as many books as I can in my free time, and this year I'm going to try to read-aloud some big books with Sloane: Alice in the Wonderland and The Jungle Book are in the list. 

7. Snatch 125 pounds. I don't even know if this is doable by the end of this year, considering how little sleep I've been getting and how little I've been able to work out, but I'll put it on here. 

Also, these aren't necessarily goals, but I have to make this mean green machine salad, I mean, how could I not?

I'll leave you here with a photo from this past weekend: look at these two cubs! Logan in a chair! Sloane enraptured! 

And that Christmas tree should probably come down sometime this weekend...

CHRISTMAS DAY

I have a few photos from Christmas morning that I want to throw up here.  That day was quiet, serene and lovely. There was nothing planned except to be with each other, play with presents we had gotten the day before, and read books while snuggling on the couch. It was a day to remember for the pause we were able to experience, and it felt like much needed rest. 

This week I am back at work, and it also happens to be the coldest that it has been since winter fell upon us. I am doing the best I can to stay ahead of the game and grind, but I am desperately feeling like I need a few more days of quiet. I'll grab it here and there while I can, and maybe even get an essay out on reflections and resolutions; that always does a soul good. 

The best Christmas present I got this year was these two interacting much more with each other. Sloane has always been completely smitten with her baby sister, but for the first few months Logan would just look wide-eyed back at Sloane with bewilderment and a hint of terror.  A few months ago, I could see recognition in Logan's eyes when Sloane came at her, and then a little later, a little smile would appear on her face whenever Sloane came around. These days, Logan often breaks into a big grin when Sloane prances up to her in the morning, and Sloane can make Logan laugh and dance with glee.  Sloane knows that Logan has recently taken to the "Itsy Bitsy spider song", so she sings it to her, with all of the motions, every day, and Logan rewards her with a huge smile and gurgle. I've also been surprised at how Sloane comes up with ways to play with the baby considering Logan can't do too much right now: for instance, the other day, while Logan was sitting in her exersaucer, Sloane sat on the couch next to it, her feet dangling onto the saucer, and held a long stick with the bottom of it resting right in front of Logan. Sloane encouraged Logan to hold on to the stick (which Logan can do), and then Sloane belted songs at the top of her lungs - and said they were on a boat? or something, not quite sure, but they both seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely. 

During the past week, I had the thought that being around children is like being around mythical, magical creatures.  If you stop and realize how temporary any given moment is, you realize that they will never again be that way again. The being that is 3 and a half years old, delighted with new animal facts and cuddles on the couch, the being that has that particular expression on her face when listening to a story, is going to disappear soon, forever. The baby with chubby fingers will not be around next year, the fat thigh rolls and the gurgles of laughter will be replaced by a new creature with different abilities, who will also be very fleeting and short-lived. That's my other Christmas gift given to me by my Creator this year - the eyes to behold these two mystical creatures given to me, ever changing, shape-shifting, and giving me deep-seated joy. My responsibility with this gift is to stop and say, "Wow.....amazing! Magical!" often. That's going on my resolution list - to say 'wow' often. 

I feel incredibly rich (and warm) when I hold these two in my arms. 

Yes, Sloane and I have matching pajamas and I have to say, sleeping in a onesie during the winter might be my new jam. It feels so right. 

So here's what I've concluded about making gingerbread houses. It's fun and adorable and all that, but then it just sits there, taunting you with all that candy and gingerbread, and you keep wondering, should I have a nibble? Until it finally gets too old and you have to dump it out.  Next year, I'm going to make a gingerbread house with ingredients and candy that I want to eat, put it together and decorate it with Sloane, enjoy it for a few hours, and then eat it for dessert. 

Sloane had so many opinions about where everything should go on this house: I like to think she gets her strong opinions from her dad and her decorating sense from me. 

I am the luckiest luckiest luckiest. Don't you ever forget that, Christine Lu. 

You guys, have a good first week of 2016. It will all be okay!! All the hope in this little face says so.