A WEEKEND WHEREIN I TURNED 32

Can we deal with a few more photos of people holding a tiny babe? I hope so....'cause here they come!

I am a little bit heartsick thinking about how this time inevitably must come to an end: how Logan will not stay this tiny for long, how my parents will go back to Korea, how Ken will go back to work, and how I will need to send Logan off to daycare to go back to work. These days are a precious time, and I know it, which I guess takes the sting away a little bit? Knowing that this is temporary, that it's gold, that I'm appreciating it as much as I possibly can...

My parents have been here for a few weeks now and they are an absolute Godsend - there is nothing like having a toddler and newborn to fully appreciate extra sets of hands, especially if they are hands that are experienced, familiar, wise and will have good conversation with you over coffee. Both my sisters and their guys came down a few weekend ago, to see my parents, and also for my birthday, and also to meet Logan. We spent the day on Saturday catching up over kebabs and summer salads, and cooing over baby. Some of us worked out in the garage (not me), some of us watched "The Butler" (what I saw of it was really good...that Forest Whitaker!), and we ended the day off with another meal at home, birthday cake and some board games. The next day, we went to Perly's for breakfast and I got my birthday breakfast wish: a large fish board with smoked fish and pickled vegetables - it was huge and I pretty much ate the entire thing myself, washing it down with black coffee. Surrounded by my family, my newborn daughter, and good food...it was exactly how I wanted to be ushered into 32.

Fact: it's really hard to hold a newborn up for photos. They are extremely floppy.

P.S. When my family met Sloane, three years ago! for comparison. What do you think, does Logan look like Sloane?

WHAT I'M READING V. 6 (POST PARTUM EDITION 1)

So the last time I was at home with a newborn and figuring out the whole breastfeeding thing (read: hours and hours of being confined to a chair to nurse around the clock ) I watched a lot of Netflix shows, which was great, but this time around I really wanted to get some reading done, and so far, I'm happy to report that it's happening ! I'm actually getting to read, thanks to the combination of the Kindle App and the Overdrive App on my phone - I keep kicking myself for not having used the Overdrive App earlier... it allows you to sign in with your local library card and then you can check out electronic versions of the book, which you can download directly on to your kindle or phone. I still like reading paper versions better, but it can be cumbersome to hold a book in one hand while trying to nurse with the other, and besides, reading on my phone allows me to read when it's dark.

These are the books i read in the past few weeks after baby:

The Girl On the Train, by Paula Hawkins

I started this on a whim and then couldn't put it down. It took me about a day's worth of nursing sessions to get through this because it's an easy read, moves fast and the anticipation of finding out the answer to the mystery holds you captive.

A Meal with Jesus, by Tim Chester

A friend loaned me this book a while ago and I finally got around to reading it and really loved it. It delved deeper into many of the beliefs i hold about how my faith intersects/interacts with things like hospitality, parties, and eating together.

Tenth of December: Stories, by George Saunders 

The way George Saunders writes and crafts his stories is fascinating to me. I particularly appreciate his most recent collection; his tone and style is of some sort of futuristic fairy tale that he pulls off seamlessly.

White Noise, by Don Delillo 

I read this once before during college, so this is a re-read but it felt like I was reading it for the first time. I kept stopping to marvel at how much he is able to get in without it seeming superfluous and the way he is able to describe the contemporary American condition in a wry and darkly humorous that is both critical and nearly sympathetic.

KEN'S FAMILY MEETS LOGAN

A week after Logan was born, Ken's mom, grandmother and sister came up from Virginia Beach to visit us as new family of four.  Over the years, Ken's family has felt more and more like my own and I think it became more the case as we shared the experience of watching Sloane grow up together in recent years.  Welcoming a new addition is wonderful in that way, it strengthens family ties and binds everyone closer together in the loving of a tiny being.  

Before we met Logan, it was hard to imagine what it would feel like to have two kids - would our love for Sloane need to diminish in order to give some to the second one?  People told me that the love multiplies and that there is a sort of magic in how that happens, and now I see how true that is, and also how humbling it is, to realize that my capacity for love is not dependent on how much I have to give but on the nature of love itself, with its ability to multiply and give without measure or calculation.  

FARMERS MARKET WITH MY GIRLS

Going to the farmer's market is one of my favorite things to do in the summer. The one that we go to gets really crowded so you kind of have to make a resolve, take a big breath and just dive in; understand that there will be a lot of sweating and just commit. This past weekend, with my mom being here, we made it out there (with baby in tow!) and had a great time checking out the goods.  It was extremely hot that day, and I was worried about the baby getting overheated, so it was a quick outing but it felt great to get out and wander about with my mom and daughters for that hour.

My favorite thing to get at the market these days are seasonal fruit and vegetables (peaches! And tomatoes! I couldn't get over the tomatoes), whipped honey from Alfonso, granola from Flower child, and baked goods from Dalkohm. We also like to occasionally treat ourselves to Popsicles from King of Pops or kettle corn from the popcorn guy, because...summer! Sloane also loves going to the market because of aforementioned snacks, but also because it's a dog-lovers world. It seems like all of Richmond's dogs come out to parade around the market, and checking out the different ones (and getting to meet and pet some of them) is Sloane's M.O. 

OUR FIRST WEEK WITH LOGAN

It's been a little over a week (10 days, to be exact) and it's been...pretty blissful, believe it or not.  The bliss mostly comes from being smitten with this new baby, being surrounded by family and having renewed appreciation for Ken and Sloane.  I'm appreciating every drop of newborn smell, savoring the tiny fingers and toes, and noticing how she changes from one day to the next. The first few days back from the hospital consisted of almost no sleep (first night back: 1 total hour of sleep, second night back: 2 total hours of sleep) but once my milk came in, and she started sleeping longer between feedings, we found ourselves in a rhythm that feels doable. I'm sleepy and happy.  

The wild thing is that she reminds me so much of Sloane - from the way she looks to how she nurses and  sleeps - so I feel like I'm getting a chance to do something that I thought was long gone, all over again. 

It's been wonderful to have family here; my sister was here for the weekend and my mom has been here with us since the baby.  Thank goodness for mothers, their wisdom and how just their presence makes life feel easier. 

It's almost as if I didn't realize how big Sloane was until I saw them together. I look back and forth from one to the other and it's still hard to believe - really, that baby becomes that little girl??

It's a good day when we all get to nap.

I resolved to take daily walks around our neighborhood and I find myself looking forward to this time each day. My mom has been walking with me, and sometimes Sloane or Ken, and I love being able to move around and get a little sweaty. The recovery for this one has been much faster than with the first, so I'm already feeling anxious to start working out but I'm reminding myself that I should take it easy....

Sloane is at home with Ken for these weeks (because his work offers great paternity leave) and he's been keeping Sloane busy with an outing every day.  He has been wonderful with her and I know that this time they are spending together is such valuable time for both of them. 

We've been eating more Korean food around here since my mom has been cooking for us. There is also more Korean being spoken around here and I'm hoping Sloane gets influenced even if in small increments. Here is Sloane making kimbap with my mom for lunch one day. 

I'm making sure to also take time to really enjoy Sloane right now. She amazes me constantly with her vocabulary, questions and ideas, and I want to make sure to always let her know how special she is. Her thing this week is choreographing dances that she instructs me through. She has been really into ballerinas recently, and her dedication to these 'ballerina' dances are impressive...and hilarious.

Just as we expected and hoped, Sloane has taken to her role as a big sister extremely well. I'm still watching out for any jealousy issues, but so far, it's all love for baby sister and she seems to understand all the time it takes to care for a newborn.  Sloane asks to hold and take care of the baby every day, talks to her, wants to show her toys, and is eager to help in any way.

After just one week, I already have so many (too many??) photos of these two on my phone. But I mean, come on, look at them! I can't help myself....

The transition into a family of four feels natural - maybe because it felt like we waited so long for her to come ! - but like everyone says, the new addition seems to just give us more reasons to love each other as a family.  I get to see Sloane in a new light as a sister, and to observe Ken again as a new dad, and now as a dad of two girls, which is going to be pretty dang amazing... I can already tell.  

You guys, I'm a mom ...of daughters! I don't think I'll get tired of saying that. I love these girls so much and I'm looking forward to more adventures with the two of them.