WE CELEBRATE CAROLINE

You know that type of friend who you could call at any time to help get you out of an embarrassing or awful situation and know that she will have your back? 

My friend Caroline is that type of friend;  she has this laid back but super caring nature about her that is irresistable.  I have known her since high school and she has always been free-spirited, really smart, hard-working, creative, funny, adventurous and caring, and in recent years I've been able to see how all that plays out in her relationship with this great guy that she is about to marry in a few weeks..!!

 

That's the benefit of knowing someone for a while, there is great comfort in knowing that the other person has seen you through a bunch of changes already and will accept you no matter what. We've been awkward together in high school, passed notes in class, held on to each other when a good and true friend really mattered back in those high school days, ate our body weight in twizzlers, sang a lot of songs side by side (even in a couple of musicals), drove too fast, and reassured each other when we were feeling the crummiest. When we reunited back in Richmond, we explored the city together, became the kind of young adults that meet at wine bars and talk about how stressful it was to grow up, and then eventually meet each other's husbands to be and had meaningful talks about serious relationships and buying houses and having babies. 

I am so happy for her and really excited about the wedding, and we decided to work out some of this excitement by getting some of the girls together for a sort of friends of the bride hangout....in a spa! Where else? To be honest original plans were for a big day of vineyard touring and wine tasting, but turns out three (THREE!) of the ladies are pregnant so..... to the spa it was! 

We celebrated at Scents of Serenity Organic Spa which was a great space to relax and get pampered. It felt like too short of a time but all the more reason to do it again.  These photos of us are after our respective massages, wraps and facials so if we are looking extra glowy and relaxed, that's why. 

We love you Caroline!

KEN'S BIRTHDAY WEEKEND AND SO FORTH

Oh hey Monday, so we're doing this again?

On the way to daycare this morning, Sloane said, "Today is Monday?" And when I confirmed, she wailed, "I don't want it to be Monday, I want it to be Tuesday!" Which I thought was hilarious. She only has a vague sense of the day of the week and I don't think she meant the dig against Monday like I took it, but it was funny nonetheless. 

It was Ken's birthday earlier this month, and I wanted to take up a post jotting down moments from that weekend because we do love birthdays around here. And! we are more fond of weekends than ever before- with Ken traveling during the weekdays, the  weekends feel extra precious.

I love my Crossfit gym, Crossfit Bezel, and I am so glad I have the encouragement from my coach, husband and the other members there to keep moving and being active during my pregnancy. The coaches there are great about modifying everything for the pregnancy to make sure it is all safe and moderating me during my workouts so I feel well taken care of. Yes, it's frustrating at times because I can't do as much or push as hard as I normally would, but for the sake of the baby, my job is to keep healthy, strong and safe, so I'll take what I can get. My workouts have been sporadic lately due to Ken's traveling and my bouts of sickness, but this here is the Friday and Saturday of knocking out workout 15.3 of the Crossfit Games Open workout.

After the workout on Saturday morning, we went over to Union Market because I had a hankering after their sandwiches, which are so good. We shared sandwiches, soup and salad and talked - like we always do - about how all these great places opened up in Church Hill after we moved away and how we missed our window to walk to great bakeries and restaurants on a whim like we always wanted to.

Ken's mom and Ken's cousin, Karen had come up to visit that Thursday before and I'm so glad that they did. I love seeing how happy Sloane gets to see her relatives! Pancakes at Moore Street Cafe is always a treat, and then a photo of Sloane helping me make some fruit salad earlier on that week. We both love fruit and secretly I'm glad I'm the grown up in these situations where I have to restrict how much fruit Sloane eats but then I get to eat as much as I want!


On Saturday, Ken got a massage for his birthday and Sloane and I were going to do some shopping while he got his massage but she fell asleep so I spent some time in the car reading while she slept and then she woke up and gave me sparkly eyes.

For dinner we went to Bonefish Grill where Sloane occupied herself with the crayons and coloring book they gave her,  Ken treated himself to a couple of cocktails and I tried to not feel too jealous of those cocktails as I sipped on my water. I've surprisingly been okay with the no alcohol thing so far this pregnancy (I'm looking at it like its a detox period) but I do miss the occasional wine or cocktail now and then....


And then this was the week after the birthday weekend.  Ken had left for the week on Sunday and I was feeling extra bummed about it.  Emotionally, but also this is when my body started breaking down and by Monday, I was feeling pretty low.  When I picked Sloane up from daycare that day, I told her I wasn't feeling well and she said that she would take care of me (while doing the motion of rocking a baby) and proceeded to be the sweetest little darling girl ever. This is her telling me some story about kitty cat. "You feel better mom?" She would ask occasionally.

I really love this bubble bath from Deep Steep. It smells like grapefruit and bergamot, I love the amount of bubbles it makes and it is made with all natural things so I feel good about soaking in it.  And yes I took so many baths last week.

Thank goodness for my mother-in-law who swooped in on Wed night and basically saved me. Really, I felt rescued and saved by this move. I still had to work as much as I could but it was a huge relief to know that Sloane was in good hands. 

Sloane, of course, loved every minute of it.

 Finally, Friday night...all together again! Unfortunately, not for long. Ken headed out again Sunday night after what felt like an incredibly short weekend, but we got do be together on Sunday for a much needed relaxing day. 

And this week my goal is to take it easy: tone down the to-do lists, try to stay positive about my work, enjoy being with Sloane, and get through the day, one day at a time....I got this! 

PREGNANCY #2: 6 MONTHS

For the first few months of this pregnancy, Ken and I kept turning to each other and saying, "Wow this is just all going by so fast!" But now that it's month six, I'm not feeling like it's going all that fast anymore, and four more months seems like a long time to have to wait before meeting this baby. Unlike the first pregnancy, I already feel like I know this baby and love her so much. The first time I had no idea what to expect; this time I know how much my heart will swell and swoon. The baby is moving around all the time in here and I am in love with each little sign of life that I feel.

* * *

Anyone notice that I was missing in action from the blog this week? (Hi mom, hi dad!) There were things I wanted to say, pictures I wanted to post, but I just couldn't get around to it because this horrible sickness came and took over my body and I've been rendered helpless for most of this week. These photos were taken on Sunday, when I was merely feeling my throat tickle that warning sign, and before Ken had to fly away for work again.

Let me just say here, for the record, if it's not obvious already, that being sick while working a full-time job and taking care of a toddler, as a single parent, while 6 months pregnant...is.the.worst?  I'm sure there are things that are even worse, like being sick while working, while handling two kids as a single parent, with another one on the way (omygod omygod).  But it's all relative and this week felt pretty darn bad.  The more I experience moments like this, the more I feel like there absolutely needs to be a get out of jail free card for moms who get sick.  The juggling act that is characteristic of the mom gig gets a tad bit crazier when sickness hits - I have to get sleep and focus on getting better, but I can't miss work and fall behind, much less lose those PTO hours I so badly need to save up for maternity leave, and Sloane needs my full attention, and what about making our meals and not letting the house become a complete mess? The thing I learned this week is that - none of those things wins.  All of those categories suffer a little bit: I can't get the full rest I need, I can't drug up like I normally would because of the pregnancy,  I'm going to have to miss out on some work and fall behind (both of my jobs...), Sloane is not going to get as much attention, and the house will fall into disarray.

On Wednesday I hit sort of breaking point. I have never in my life been so congested and groggy. Let me paint you the picture - it was difficult to move my head because the whole thing was so stuffed up that it was painful, I couldn't breathe properly out of my mouth because my throat hurt so bad and I definitely couldn't breathe out of my nose, I was getting these feelings of panic from feeling so closed in my head, and then I found out I had a fever and I started getting paranoid about whether it was affecting the baby, I couldn't sleep, my midwife wasn't calling me back..... I had to finish up something at work and needed to pick up Sloane and get her fed and to bed, but I couldn't even imagine driving..... it was all hanging by an extremely thin thread.  My husband - poor thing was getting this all relayed to him through text - decided we needed to call in reinforcements and asked my mother-in-law if she could help, and God bless her, she drove up here that night.  The fact that I've survived and am here typing this all out to you now is largely due to her presence here last night and today. See, mothers!

Here's the thing about mothers, and the thing that I know now because I am a mother. As a mother, there is this grit that grows in you, and that is the grit of "just do it anyways." My mom knows this, from raising three kids in difficult circumstances, my mother in law knows this from her own set of difficult circumstances.... all mothers know this.  No matter how hard, no matter how crazy it gets, you just go through it because....YOU HAVE TO.  It's not the most romantic super power in the world, but I'll take it, because it's a survival gene like no other.  I sure do fantasize about being able to stop time so that I could just get some sleep, but until I get that ability, my daughter needs me, this baby growing inside needs me, and those are pretty darn great incentives towards making it through the day.

You guys, I really really hope I am on the mend. I mean, just the fact that I can type out this much is saying something, even though I am writing through a chest rattling cough, lingering congestion and sore throat. I'm so frustrated that it is taking my body so long to beat this thing and I keep getting discouraged about being at a mere 50% when I need to be at 150%, so say some prayers for me will you?

It amazes me, that through all the sickness and stress, that this baby keeps chugging along, growing inside me. And all in all, that's why I'm documenting these photos - not because a pregnant belly is anything new - but because I regard this belly for what it is, a mind-blowing miracle.

I'm going to put this rambling post to an end, but to end I want to share with you this sweet moment I had last week which made me more excited than ever to be a mother of two:  Sloane fell down hard and I went to comfort her. We were sitting on the floor, her in my lap and she was crying, and all of a sudden I felt the baby kicking like crazy. I wondered aloud if the baby was moving and kicking around in response to hearing Sloane cry, and I told Sloane to put her hand on my belly to feel the baby move.  So there we were, my first baby in my lap, her small hand on my belly feeling my second baby move around, and it kind of blew my mind.  Sloane felt her too -the baby was kicking so hard that you could see and feel the movements with a hand on the belly. Sloane dried her tears, smiled up at me, and we sat there for a few minutes, all of us just holding each other.

I know my eyes are closed here, but let's pretend that it's closed in a moment bliss, shall we? 

And Sloane has her hand on her stomach like that because she's apparently feeling her baby bump, too. 

(prengancy #2 at 3 months, 4 months, 5 months) 

KEN TURNS 32

When Ken really loves something, he is all in. 

This is almost always awesome, until it isn't. Like let's say, if it turns into an obsession and he fixates and can't focus on anything else. But usually it's awesome, and something to be marveled at. 

Maybe because of the force behind it, his passion almost always means that he has this ability to turn what he loves into a super skill. 

I saw him do that with coaching volleyball.

I see him do that with Crossfit.

And I see him doing that now with being a husband and a father. Because he loves being a husband and father, and because he loves us so much, I see his abilities and love for us growing into a sort of super power.  Does being a good listener, being patient, being responsible, contributing around the house, willing to change, showing affection, showing humility, spending quality time, and being a hard worker make you some sort of super hero?

I would say so. 

Happy Birthday Ken, you are my anchor, and I love you!

SPRING IS A COMING 'ROUND THE CORNER

Sometimes I wonder, what would I do if I didn't do this blog thing ? Like, what would I do with all these photos I take and words I have floating around in my mind? I'm pretty sure writing things down and snapping photos is what I would do anyways - blog or no blog. I started heavily journaling when I was in the 9th grade and I have boxes and boxes of notebooks from all those years. I went back through them a few years ago and got embarrassed reading some of them, I ended up getting rid of the really bad ones - no one needs to see that. 

I hope that's not the case with this blog. Without it, I probably would have a more boxes of journals and I would probably get my scrapbooking game on, hard core.... which would result in more boxes. Which by the way, is something I do want to do, scrapbooking, print some photo books, you know, have some of the tangible. But for now, for the convenience of being able to upload some photos and jot down my thoughts on a device that I carry around with me all the time, for posterity and reflection and attentiveness, here I am, checking in again. 

We had ourselves a pretty dang good weekend this past weekend.  Not because we did anything out of the ordinary, but because we did the most ordinary of things, with the new warmth of a peeping spring streaming in between our fingers and an acute appreciation for each other, our little family of three.  

On Friday I had a doctors appointment that Ken and Sloane came along to and Sloane got to hear the baby's heartbeat! She was awed, but she still maintains that she also has a baby in her own belly and that it has a heartbeat too.. I hope she's not too let down when a baby only comes out of me and not her.

Afterwards, we got pie (three kinds!), then spent some time at the gym in the evening.

I ran a ton of errands Saturday morning, followed by a hibachi family lunch and then: napping (Sloane), spring cleaning (me), haircut (Ken), furniture assembling, reading and baths. 

I've been meaning to try Trader Joe's cold brew concentrate for a while now and after the purchase this past weekend I'm happy to report that it is pretty good and it has made my life a little easier. I've been mixing a little of it with almond milk each morning and it is delicious! Also, on Sunday we went back to a new takeout Korean place that just opened and thank goodness for that place because sometimes I have a craving for kimbap that usually goes by unaddressed. 

This is my entourage after church on Sunday.  It was brilliant outside, BRILLIANT - windy but sunny, especially compared to what February traumatized us with, and we watched Sloane have a blast on the playground. It made me have one of those, ah this is life, moments. 

So I'm not a skateboarder, but I can do the basic thing of getting around on it, and more importantly I think it's a great way to teach balance and the feeling of having to be keenly aware of your body. We got a little one for Sloane so that she could play around with it and we got to spend some time outside rolling around on it - she was eager to learn and we can't wait for more time outdoors!

After Ken left to go catch his flight, Sloane and I wandered out with the agenda of getting this house some plants. I don't have the best track record for keeping plants alive but the glorious weather got me feeling motivated and hopeful again, and we brought home two additions to our family: 'Mama plant' and 'baby plant', according to Sloane. I've been saying hello to them every morning and making sure they know they are loved and appreciated (yes, along with some water); I'm contemplating naming them. Stay alive, plants!

You guys, is this week the faint light at the end of the tunnel or what? This past week has been terribly busy but much of the anxiety is tempered by the fact that the weather is finally letting up. Spring, here we come!

WHAT I'M READING V.2

Happy Monday! Yes, I said happy...

Even though I had to wake up extra early to get into work an hour earlier this morning, and even though it was so dark when we were eating breakfast, and even though Ken left for the week yesterday, I'm trying to stay positive and I am resolved to enjoy the wave of spring that seems to be crashing over this upcoming week.  You with me?

Sloane and I listened to this album while we were eating breakfast and it brought back all sorts of memories from college during the days when I listened to it all the time; it made me feel that much more ready to take on the day. Would I rather be holed up somewhere today finishing these books? For sure, but I'm a grownup! And I'm going to first slay this Monday and then hopefully squeeze in some reading time later on tonight. 

So let's do another rendition of What I'm Reading, shall we?  (The first installment here): 

Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith by Barbara Brown Taylor

After finishing An Altar in the World, I immediately got another one of Barbara Taylor's books. Reading through her books sets a tone of awareness and being reflective in my day that I'm enjoying. This book is divided into sections of 'Finding,' 'Losing,' and 'Keeping' and explores her perspective as a clergy member for many years. 

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling 

I'm on a let's-read-memoirs-by-female-comedians kick apparently and picked this one up when I saw it on sale at Target the other day. It's a really quick read and I actually started and finished it this past Saturday - fun and breezy. 

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I've been seeing Harper Lee's name all over the news lately, and thought I would pick this up again. As I went through it, there was so much I didn't remember....this book is SO GOOD.


The Knife Thrower by Steven Millhauser

My sister got me this book of short stories a while ago and I never got to finish it. I found it in my bookshelf the other day and was delighted to find I had a few unread stories in it. 

A QUIET SUNDAY

So this happened.  

This past Saturday, Ken went down to VA beach for the night to return the next day and decided to take Sloane with him at the last moment. I couldn't go because I had some things to do up here, and it was the first time that I had been left without husband AND baby since Sloane's been born.  There were a few notable things, but the most newsworthy is that I went to bed at 11:00PM Saturday night....and then woke up at 10:45AM..!!!! Folks, that's almost 12 hours, if you want the count.  I was stunned, to say the least. Yes, I'm being dramatic, but truly I cannot remember the last time this happened. It has been at least 2 and a half years, because that's how old Sloane is, and most likely more than that because pregnancy doesn't allow for the best kind of sleep.  I felt refreshed, I felt like a new woman, it felt like what it might feel like to see the northern lights. Yeah, dramatic. 

Anyways, I thought such an occasion warranted a celebration.  I never eat in bed (it's a thing I have with my beds; it's a sacred place!) but I broke that rule because it was just me, and hey I felt like I wanted to stay in bed juusssst a tad longer.  I made myself of a tray: a bowl of yogurt, granola and lots of fruit, coconut pancakes with maple syrup, and Irish black tea, and came back into bed. I enjoyed the heck out of that breakfast while reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" (I'm re-reading this book and it's been amazing). 

The day continued with more small victories - I folded ALL the laundry we had piling up (count 'em, one, two, three, four....loads) while Fantasia played in the background (On Netflix now!), worked on an article I had been putting off while listening to "The Book of Love" covers on Spotify, stepped out to grab some food from the new Korean spot that opened up in Jackson Ward, and then welcomed back my family with open arms when they returned back home that evening. 

Even with the chores and work I got done that day, it felt like a true day of rest. My soul needed to be nursed with a little dose of solitude and that's exactly what I got.  The rarity of these days had me appreciating the luxury, and the benefits always are that I feel a little more whole and a little better off to be able to love and serve my family. 

I'm trying to be intentional about rest these days. I know that with the second baby, there will be even less opportunity for it, and our weekday schedule has the makings of wearing us all down with Ken traveling a lot and me holding down the fort with Sloane at home. But we are getting through it, and I feel more closer to my family and excited about what is to come, than ever.  

To be honest, I only felt a smidge better about Monday coming around again, but truly all things do pass, and just like that another week gone...and hey! it's the weekend again. Let's do a quick summary, shall we? with some links? This past week:

- Ken had to travel up and down to northern Virginia for work, twice 

- We had an amazing day that smelled and felt like spring 

- NPR music released Austin 100  (so much good music!)

- I started sweating this lipstick 

- I made green juice or green smoothie everyday - still can't get enough!

- We watched the first episode of House of Cards

- I did some more daydreaming about this dessert

- It got cold and SNOWED again 

Regardless of the snow, my spirits are high because I spy some weather in the low 60's next week. And if you didn't know - daylight savings is this weekend, which means we lose an hour but also, more daylight! So set you clocks, plan accordingly, get some spring cleaning done, maybe a few hours of solitude, maybe a few hours of being with your family and enjoy your weekend! 

WHAT SLOANE SAID.....IN FEBRUARY

Feb 5

"What are you doing mommy deer?" (as in the animal, the deer)

"I'm driving...what are you doing, baby deer?"

"Oh, I'm just watching the stars and moon in the sky"
After a few moments of gazing out the window, "Hey mom, the stars are going 'twinkie twinkie'!!"

Feb 8

"What you feel mom?" (For how do you feel?) 

Feb 9

While Sloane and her stuffed sheep are waiting for their breakfast:

"Mom, ba sheep is just a little bit sad"

"Why?"

"Because she is hungry."
"Food is almost ready!" 

She pats the sheep reassuringly and I hear her whisper to the sheep, "its okay.."

Feb 10

"Sloane, do you want to say hello to the baby?" 

"Yes," she smiled, and says "hi!" to my belly.

And then, "Mommy, do you want to say hi to my baby?" patting her own belly. 

After I say hello, she says, "My baby is moving! It's drinking milk"

Feb 11

I love the way she says her name right now: "Swoane"

Feb 12

She was being especially whiny this morning, and I said Sloane, you are not obeying mom.  She started crying and said, "I'm sorry." And then she says, " I want to tell daddy... I want to tell daddy that I didn't obey." 

Feb 13

The subject of babies came up and I said, "Your sister is in mom's belly and she's growing and growing." And she said, "No mommy my sister is in MY belly!" And then she went on to tell this detailed story about how after her baby sister came out of her belly she drove her to the playground and then they were having a good time and then all these animals started coming over - kitty cats, doggies, lions, rabbits.. And all of them were soft.  And the baby sister wasn't afraid of the lion. 

Feb 14

"Mom, I hugged puppy and my heart melted! 

....And then my heart came back"

Feb 15

While observing the bird poop on the window, "Mom, the bird poop is still there! Don't eat it, it's yucky."
A few minutes later I hear her say to herself, "Birds don't have toilets."

Feb 16
Out of the blue:

"Mom I'm pretty." And then, "I'm not scared of dinosaurs!"

Feb 18
"Mom those pants are comter-ful! (comfortable)"

Feb 20 

I peeked into her room one morning when I hadn't heard from her and found her standing up next to her bed, gazing up at the wall of her art work and studying each one carefully.  

Feb 21

As we pull out of the driveway, "Be careful mom....Watch out for the car !"

Feb 22

The way she says "hello" on her pretend phone just kills me everytime: "Heddo?"

Feb 24

"Mom, June is my friend. I love her. June cried today. And I said, it's okay june."

"Oh honey that was nice. What about you, did you cry today?"

"No", she sys quickly, "I'm a big girl."

But a few moments later,

"Mom I cried last week."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted mommy and daddy.."

Feb 26

During bedtime, we sang "Silent Night" together and she interrupted every few minutes to ask, "Mom what's holy?....What's tender mean?.....What's peace mean?"

SOUPER BOWL II

February is FINALLY over (the coldest February since forever, did you hear?) and we waved it buh-bye with a soup party, lovingly dubbed the souper bowl, for the second year in a row. It was such a lovely time with a bunch of lovely ladies, soups, bread and cheese with fruit and one of the best desserts I've ever met. 

Mignon brought the dessert: a vanilla beam semifreddo and orange sorbet terraine. Holy cow.

I feel full, cheered and ready to tackle on a few more weeks of winter.

P. S. Souper Bowl I from last year