SLOANE AT 16 MONTHS

Once in a while, I introduce a new book to the usual rotation of books, and the other night I showed her "Where the Wild Things Are."

"Wow" she said as she stroked the cover and fingered the gold Newberry medallion on the cover.

She picked it up and brought it to me. She snuggled up next to me and we opened the book together.

She sat still, in rapt attention as I read each page.  Her eyes flickered over the page, taking in every detail. I looked down to see her her hands clasped together, one hand over the other.  When the last page was turned, she asked for it again.  We started over, and her head leaned back on my arm, heavy and sleepy.  I could see her eyes droop and she rubbed them, trying to keep them open.  I laughed and closed the book.  "Time for bed, baby."  She agreed by coming into my arms as I stood up and turned her head into my neck.  She let her arms drop and she found my hand and sleepily stroked it as I swayed, singing her a made-up song about loving her till the end of all days. After a few minutes, I layed her down in her crib and she was instantly asleep.  "I love you and I'll miss you until the morning", I said, and tiptoed out.

These days, she takes my hand when we walk.  Finally! When she first learned to walk, she was insistent that she do it herself, and would leave me hanging constantly, but now she is always reaching up to take my hand.  This looks like her grasping onto my finger with her whole hand, and it is the best feeling. She also pulls and pushes my legs to direct me, tries to roll me out of bed (when i don't wake up fast enough), pulls on my shirt, and motions at me to come, which looks like an outstretched hand that closes and opens a few times.

She must have a more concrete sense of her family; when we are having a moment pointing out our noses, she points to her nose and says 'nohs', she points to me nose and says, 'nohs', and then immediately points to the air and says 'papa', for papa to materialize so that she can point out his 'nohs'. If he's upstairs, I yell up to him to quickly come downstairs… sloane has to point out his nose!  And he obliges.

"You are so fun to play with right now!!" I overheard Ken exclaim to her earlier.  She jumps, she dances, wants to play hide and seek, and pretends her stuffed animals are babies and does things like pretend to feed them a bottle, put them in the swing, and tries to put socks on them.  Tonight, we spent a good ten minutes, holding our arms out in a pretend basketball hoop, while she threw a ball in the space between our arms, making "hoops" and celebrating with the most joyful of laughs and hops after each one. Ken and I were smiling and laughing with her so hard, our faces are still recovering.

She learns so quickly.  Everything we do, she is watching like a hawk. She will usually try to imitate what we are doing, which means she quickly learns how to do things like put her shoes and jacket away, tell Rusty, 'no', throw trash in the trash can, put ornaments on a tree, wash her hands, pose for pictures…and on and on. It does not cease to amaze me.

There are days when we come home and she is a little angel.  Then there are some days where no matter what I do, she is cranky and clingy and erupts into tears and tantrums. Through both kinds of days, I am learning how to be a mom.

Every month is its own little monument, but this month, something really special is happening with regards to her language development.  She is really understanding that words are a way to communicate and she is trying to employ the words she does know. I can almost see all the connections that she is making in her brain to get to a new realization each and every day and I am slack jawed.  I will say, "Sloane, can you say ____?" and run through a list of words that she can say, and then try out new words that she's never heard before and she will try to repeat them after me.  She still can't get a bunch of sounds right, but she tries. Most recently, she's always declaring things to be "haht!" (hot) or "col" (cold) - food, running water, outside temperature, etc.

She loves the nursery rhymes that she has been learning and will try to sing along with them. She doesn't get a single word out, but she is humming and mumbling along, clearly enjoying herself.  These days when we get in the car, she asks for these songs. I end up singing a lot of them and if I pause too long in between, she yells out, "moh!!" (more!)

I've never had a new human being to which I had to introduce the world, and it my favorite obsession right now.  One time I thought, this is what Anne Sullivan must have felt like when she was figuring out how to get through to Helen Keller, and another time I thought, this might be how I would explain things to someone who time travelled from a thousand years ago the present. Hey! these are terrible analogies, but I'm trying to get to how amazing and perspective-altering this all is. I am learning so much.

And lastly, I thought I'd include here some photos of our first 'baby', the ever-anxious Rusty, who is taking on the role of a little brother to Sloane, a brother whom she both loves full-hearted and can pet and hug forever, but also finds annoying when he gets in the way. "Goh!" she says to him, pointing to the bathroom, her little face furrowed, when he is being barking loudly, jumping and knocking her over.  The next moment, she is all hugs and kisses. "Eah" (ear) she says, fondling his soft pointy ears.

HAPPY SAVORING TO YOU, TOO

You guys, the holidays are in full swing and this year I am ALL IN.  Usually my eyes are too busy rolling to the ceiling at the commercialization and chaos of this month, which gets in my way of fully engaging until a little too late in the game and then I'm glum about it having gone by too fast, but this year, I'm soaking it in. I'm loving every Christmas song on the radio, every Christmas tree and candy cane I see, and all the hoopla and corny traditions. I even considered taking Sloane to visit Santa…buuut I'm coming up on the side of no; from her perspective I can see why it would be terrifying to be thrust into the lap of a large bushy white-bearded stranger in a red suit and have to sit there for photos.

to say the next few weeks is going to be busy is an understatement, but most of the planned events are for holiday-related things and I am excited, especially about being able to spend time with family.

but also, full disclosure, i'm finding myself slipping into bouts of crankiness.  It is undoubtedly a combination of s.a.d. and lack of sleep, but who has time for sleep?!?  I need to get a hold of myself.  More importantly, along with keeping up with the holiday spirit, I want to savor what is actually really worth savoring. I am trying to read along with John Piper's "Good News of Great Joy: Daily Readings for Advent" and you may want to go check it out if that is something that tickles your goat. You can get the whole thing in PDF for free. You know what I would like to do this Christmas?  Practice experiencing what I was really made for - seeing and savoring true glory.

so that's what you'll find me doing over the next few weeks, savoring.

these are a few photos from our Saturday morning this past weekend, when our little family trekked out to our nearby Walmart to wrangle in a Christmas tree. We hit some road bumps along the way, but I'll tell you about that later. For now,  some links from around the web that I really appreciate, they are good and meaty.  To illustrate spectrum of my life right now, I'd like to point out that after appreciating all of these things during the day, I later sang "bah bah black sheep" ten times in a row, per Sloane's request.

"Invisible Child: Dasani's Homeless Life": a remarkable piece of journalism about homeless children in New York City.

"Unconditional Love": this week's episode of This American Life

"Planet Money Makes A T-Shirt": another really great piece of investigative journalism

"Office Hours With George Saunders": I just really like this guy and I like his stories and I like what he has to say about writing

A WEEK OF WEEKNIGHT DINNERS

Last week we said, let's see what a week of just protein and vegetable dinners look like! and it looked something like this:

cranberry chicken, balsamic shredded brussels sprouts, root beer glazed carrots

sautéed kale and butternut squash, pan-fried pork chops with ginger scallion sauce & siracha 

baked tilapia with lemon and parsley, sweet potato rounds, mushrooms sautéed in truffle oil

marinated beef stew cubes, roasted broccoli, garlic mashed potatoes 

roasted green pepper, cherry tomatoes, red onion and sausage on top of cauliflower 'rice'


full disclosure: so many trade joe joe's were also consumed this week.

MUSINGS AND A VIDEO

One reason this past year and a half feels like several lifetimes is because I've undertaken many things that I used to think were not in my wheelhouse and had to adjust at a rapid clip to all the changes that kept popping up along the way.

There were many points where I remember thinking, 'I don't know if I can possibly ________' - insert new and difficult thing here, i.e. Birth a baby, breastfeed for a year, go to work and leave baby at daycare, pump in the middle of a workday, feed baby solids on top of milk, pack baby's lunch everyday, cook all of us dinner after getting home from a work day, incorporate exercise into the busy routine...' - and I am finding time and time again, that in fact.... I can! Not because I'm anything special but because first of all, you just gotta do it, but more meaningfully, I got in me what you all have - a human spirit that is designed for resiliency and adaptability. Every shift and curve of the landscape is uncomfortable and daunting at first, and sometimes it is just really really hard, but once you push through and march on, the unusual turns into everyday life and then somehow, it becomes the norm. 

So here's the thing, I've always wished I was a genius at something. You know, to be the kind of person who is a savant at just one thing, be it math, playing the piano, impersonations, what have you. But I'm not. I can do many things, and some of those things well, but I've always felt kind of middling at everything.  

But I'm learning more about myself in a I'm learning to love myself kind of a way, and I've concluded that my brand of genius is the ability to adapt. Everyone can do it, but I'm saying I'm particularly keen.... in a new situation or setting, the propensity to problem solve and adapt seems to run thick in my bones. That is not to say I won't struggle and flail and complain in the process, I do. But the nice is is that once I've gained perspective, I will call it all refining fire.

 My other super power is reading fast…I'll take it.

The superpower of adaptability doesn't seem like it does much for anything, I mean, it can be helpful in social situations and I'm really good at traveling, but so what? BUT it turns out, adaptability is crucial when it comes to being mom.  And for that, boy, am I glad. It's almost like there is a perfect design to it or something....!

Along with having a discussion about superpowers, what I'm saying here is that there is a design to all of us. We are capable of so much than we think we are. You are capable of doing much more than you think you can… and that includes, hoping, and holding on, getting through the day to day, and then hoping some more.   

Not so much related but the whipped cream on the top of some pie - a video of Sloane's visit to the Natural History Museum for the first time ever:

THANKSGIVING 2013 PART 2

Sloane started saying 'no' this past weekend and I know I won't feel this way for long but it is the cutest thing right now. She usually says it with a 'y' between the two letters, so what comes out is a squeaky 'NYOOOOO', said with such indignation and the firmest of insistence. I have to keep from dissolving into a fit of giggles because it is so darn cute. It's mostly funny because it doesn't seem like someone her size should be saying no with so much conviction and zest, but there she is.  Sometimes I'll make a learning moment but saying, 'Sloane can you say 'yes' instead?' And she will readily comply with a 'ISSS' and an enthusiastic nod of the head.

You see the table up there ? That's what happens every Thanksgiving at Ken's moms house and it is a tradition I am a fan of. I mean, who wouldn't be? She sets the table for a hot pot meal, which is similar to shabu shabu or fondue in that there is a pot of boiling broth in the middle of the table and lots of meats and vegetables that each person can put into the pot to cook. It was all so delicious; Sloane also approves.

Sloane loves visiting with her grandma and great grandma and it makes my heart glad to see all the love between them. 

In other news, she participates happily in the hip hip hoorays, which is what I shout out whenever I'm taking a photo of her these days to get that big sweet smile on her face.

THANKSGIVING 2013

On Thanksgiving morning, I inadvertently put Sloane in this shirt and when my sister saw her she immediately pointed out that I had dressed her as a pilgrim and that's how I saw her for the rest of the day - a baby pilgrim amongst us, to remind us of a tradition of thanks.   I was so happy and excited to have my sister Eunice and her husband Val spend Thanksgiving Day with us; it was a laid back day filled with cooking and eating (which we later ramped up into a hectic day of pre-black Friday shopping.)

The baby pilgrim starting with an early breakfast

The adult breakfast happened a little later, in front of the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Day Parade

While I cooked, Eunice baked us our delicious cake, which I wish I had some more of right now as I type...

Our Thanksgiving meal consisted of grilled ribeye steaks (we all vetoed the turkey this year), turnips gratin, acorn squash wedges, green bean casserole, corn pudding, and gourgeres.

Sloane had eaten earlier, so she feasted on an apple while we ate.

After dinner, we relaxed with some reading.

And a walk around the neighborhood...

Dessert time!  This was a root beer float cake with chocolate expresso frosting and I could have eaten this entire thing. 

We topped it all off with a game of Dominion and Val won both games, although Sloane might have been a close contender.