wknd in phlly

A great weekend in Philly this past weekend visiting sister and paul: charter school apartment, monty, farmer's market, philly cheesesteaks, magic gardens, italian market, shopping on south street, run-in with eugene, hot spiked cider, sushi in downtown philly, troy and the protector, the new aerobed, the worst pho ever, franz nicolay, younglove's!

mental health

I am in some sort of pit. It may be a spiritual attack or a long bout of disappointment or readjustment, but some days I am so discouraged I can hardly stand it. It comes in waves, so its not as though I am wading through a swamp all of the time, and at times I am quite happy and very much at peace. But there seems to be a wider separation between the things that I know to be true and the things that I feel to be true. I am usually more of a knower than a feeler, so it is almost horrifying to observe how much my emotions are running amuck these days.

So it is with a lot of interest that I looked into this post from John Piper's blog where he posts 10 resolutions by his professor, Clyde Kilby, who advocated an attitude of wonder, rather than excessive self-analysis to mend mental health. And here they are:

1. At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me.

2. Instead of the accustomed idea of a mindless and endless evolutionary change to which we can neither add nor subtract, I shall suppose the universe guided by an Intelligence which, as Aristotle said of Greek drama, requires a beginning, a middle, and an end. I think this will save me from the cynicism expressed by Bertrand Russell before his death when he said: "There is darkness without, and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendor, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing."

3. I shall not fall into the falsehood that this day, or any day, is merely another ambiguous and plodding twenty-four hours, but rather a unique event, filled, if I so wish, with worthy potentialities. I shall not be fool enough to suppose that trouble and pain are wholly evil parentheses in my existence, but just as likely ladders to be climbed toward moral and spiritual manhood.

4. I shall not turn my life into a thin, straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.

6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their "divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic" existence.

7. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the "child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder."

8. I shall follow Darwin's advice and turn frequently to imaginative things such as good literature and good music, preferably, as Lewis suggests, an old book and timeless music.

9. I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, "fulfill the moment as the moment." I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is now.

10. Even if I turn out to be wrong, I shall bet my life on the assumption that this world is not idiotic, neither run by an absentee landlord, but that today, this very day, some stroke is being added to the cosmic canvas that in due course I shall understand with joy as a stroke made by the architect who calls himself Alpha and Omega.

limbo

Painted sometime in 2007, probably in NJ. Watercolor.

sight

source

Someday, you will see that your fears were a hologram.

It would be terrible to live in a hologram world and tell yourself it is reality. The better option is to see the hologram for what it is, a hologram. Artists will paint pictures about it, musicians will sing about it, and writers will weave a story around it, to make clear the distinction between reality and non-reality. Therein, the attraction.

...

If we are really this fragile, let us break! And then there will be something new again.

Pencil v. Camera

glorious! his own version of adding to the photo, via pencil sketch






by Ben Hein
http://www.benheine.com/

lovers who uncover

Today, Virginia was for wine-lovers, apple-lovers and fall-lovers! A trip to the west with friends to gather apples was the best way to spend an October day.









Carter Mountain, Jefferson Vineyard, Carytown Burgers

first fridays spotlight- josh george

Got to see some amazing stuff this past Friday at Ghostprint gallery by Josh George. I love the innovative use of materials, the paint, and the grittiness. He mixes in cloths, bits of paper and wallpaper, patterned fabrics and other assorted materials with his paint to get a dramatic and memorable effect.
















inspired!

rainy slant

If I was president I would try to declare all rainy days a holiday. Rainy days are not for running errands or being busy. Rainy days are for cocooning, which is why its not so bad when you get moments like this:



or this:

books

Ever since I loosed the bondages of studying around the clock, I’ve had more time to do more pleasure reading, and I’ve indulged accordingly. Here is some of what I’ve read and been reading these days. Getting into some of these great reads make me wish I had the daytime job of being paid to read through a mega-bookstore.

***

Lit: A Memoir – Mary Karr

I picked up this book at the airport bookstore to keep me occupied while waiting for a delayed flight, and I ate it all up in one gulp. It’s one of them books that get you engrossed enough that you don’t realize any time has passed: perfect for filling up waiting time. The author is a writer and poet, and details her journey into alcoholism and back. It’s a good book because she writes well and bares all – a great combination for a successful memoir.

The Hunger Games series: The Hunger Games; Catching Fire; Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins

My new sister-in-law got me the first two books to this series and I ran through them as fast as I could because I could hardly wait to find out what was happening on the next page. It’s a young-adult science-fiction series and it has all the elements of a compelling story. Compelling because the characters are relatable, and the story weaves itself through issues like freedom and humanity. It takes place in the future, on the continent of North America, assumedly after the country of America has self-destructed. There is a Capitol that rules over thirteen districts, each of which are responsible for producing and working a particular resource, i.e. agriculture, coal, etc. The story starts with a girl named Katniss who lives in District 12 and is trying to help her family survive through poverty that resulted from the tyrannical rule of the Capitol. From her we learn that 74 years ago, the districts had all rebelled against the Capitol and when the Capitol won, they set up an annual event called the Hunger Games, as a reminder that the Capitol was always in control. The Hunger Games require each district to send two tributes to fight in an arena to their death, with the last one standing being crowned the victor. Katniss volunteers instead of her sister to become a tribute, and the story begins from there.

Beach Trip – Cathy Holton

This is our month’s book club reading and I got excited about it because it’s about a reunion among friends that occur in Outer Banks, NC. Anything to hold on to a little bit of summer.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years – Donald Miller

I had resolved to write more, and when I saw that the sub-title to this book was, ‘What I learned while editing my life’, I was interested. Donald Miller writes in a honed-down, thoughtful and self-deprecating tone, which is wildly successful in holding your interest. It’s one of those books that I need to go through with a pen or pencil so that I can underline and write notes in the margins. More than love, I so appreciate his books (ref: Blue Like Jazz). I’ve been feeling kind of confused and discouraged at the strange transition phase I find myself in, so personally, this was a read that I needed. Reading this was like having a conversation with a friend who got me, who understood what I might be going through, and who encouraged me to keep going. I feel resolved to live (and write) a great story.

The Faith of a Writer – Joyce Carol Oates

With the resolve to write more, I found some books that will help me with the pursuit, growth, and motivation to write every day. I corralled together some great books on the subject of writing – more of which I will write about here later – and this one was a great way to start. Oates shares her experience, and offers sound and practical advice about becoming a disciplined writer. Cheese alert: with reads like this, I can whole-heartedly say that books are friends.

***

Reading great books and stories make me not only want to write more, but it makes me want to live good stories to tell about. Keep moving, keep thinking.

tea party

'cause sometimes, tea needs to be drunk while wearing pretty dresses and eating an exorbitant amount of pastries.

mission, difficult:

Thinking big, loud, and creative
while
staying rooted, centered, and peaceful.




think big, root deep.

shoutout from the iphone

I am not one to get super nerdy and excited about phones, but that was before I got the iphone last week and boy am i impressed! I won't harp, but just wanted to share some neat pictures of my day-to-day, taken with one of its apps. Other mentionables: google voice search and red scan to pick up the nearest cheapest so-and-so.

view from the downstairs bathroom

living room drama

view from my workplace

across the street from our house

the new wine bar in town - secco!

where i wait after work

how i take my lunch breaks

married life

married life ...is good. But if you'd asked me a few days ago, I would've said, 'hard'. Only because once we got married, it was back to the grind all too soon. Yes, everything that was good about us before the wedding carried over, but I had really needed some adjustment time. Adjustment time meaning a huge chunk of down time, just me and the new husband. My psyche needed convincing that I could handle the upgrade.

This past weekend was the first weekend that we were able to have some R & R to ourselves since the beginning of April. Because since that month, K. got a new job, I graduated law school, we both moved, I started studying for the bar, took the bar, planned a wedding, attended a funeral, was in a wedding, got my wisdom teeth taken out, had house guests, got married, ... to mention a few things.

When we got back from the wedding, I realized how much the four months of non-stop activity and life-altering events without some refocus time + K's new double-loaded schedule + me trying to figure out what to do post-graduating, had me worked up and wound up, all by myself. It was wholly exhausting.

So this weekend, we attempted to restore. And yes, there was some sickness that caught up with us in the latter part of the weekend, and maybe we didn't get to do all that we had planned to, but it was good, really good. My physical body and my warbling psyche feels tiny bit more rested and reassured, and I am grateful.

I can already tell that this married thing is going to mean an abundance of life lessons and inward searching sagas. Perhaps some people think the point of marriage is to be happy, but I will loudly disagree. The point of marriage seems to be to become the best version of yourself, more like the person you are meant to be and created to be. Since this process of becoming yourself is almost impossible to accomplish by yourself, its good to have someone who is going legally promise to stick by you, love you, and keep you accountable. It helps if that person is also your best friend. It also helps to have perspective, close family and girlfriends you can trust, and a lot of time on your knees.

In my very newly-wedded perspective, methinks this process of two muddy rocks being constantly being rubbed against each other to become diamonds, is almost like a 4th dimension of life - new, not easy, long-term, and wholly fascinating!!!

So again, I am grateful.

wedding + 2 weeks =

now, to be PRESENT

Its true I've been really tired, but I think something is happening in my psyche that's making it think that I'm experiencing a world-altering, reality-shaking event. Yes, perhaps marriage is that, but i think its the combination of many many things. Kind of like a growing jenga tower. Each thing this past summer has been like a jenga block stacking up and I haven't been able to decompress or ground myself, like I usually like/need to. Last night, it came to a strange head. I don't really want to describe it here, but there was something very werid happening. I tried to do some of the regular things that I do to come back to earth, but none of it was working, until I found this passage and read it to myself.

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.


When these words are raw and medicinal, they are raw and medicinal.

good omen

both of our shoes arrived in the mail today! and its oh so exciting.