Thursday morning: peeling it back, stream of consciousness.

Puffy eyes.

S*#t. Oh, well.

Last night's sleep was better than usual. Still with the freaky dreams, though. Someone died, and most of the dream time consisted of me being horrified because I had just seen her in a donut shop last week. That's the usual motif of my dreams these days – a lingering feeling of shock, horror, sadness or being grossed out. There are times, like a few months ago, when I have dreamisodes where I am running around the whole time, on some mission or another. I wake up with aching legs and stress. I don't prefer those, but these recent dreams are almost worse, because I wake myself up in the middle of the night in order to stop having the exhausting emotion that I'm feeling in my dream.

Taking melatonin makes it so much harder to wake up in the morning. Cloudy head. The wine is better at putting me to sleep and then letting me wake up. The melatonin is probably more in tune with my brain waves though, and my brain waves are all, 'Please, let me just frickin get the 8 hours of sleep, dammit.' But nope.

Really though, how should I be feeling about the fact that I depend on wine to get me to sleep and coffee to wake me up in the morning?

Rusty is so fluffy. In the mornings, when he hears that I am up, he comes finds me and sits on my foot because it's been a long night for him, too, and he too needs to be petted and hugged. It helps him get through a lonely day.

I eat some leftover chicken and broccoli for breakfast while reading Romans 2.

Does this outfit make me look like Beetle Juice, Rusty? Heels or flats? Wear the heels, bring the flats.

We trot outside and Rusty's eyes look even more hopeful in the morning sunlight. Do I still have Matt Redman's, Facedown, album somewhere? I want to listen to that today. I play the first song of the soundtrack in my head.

Shoot, am I late? Back inside the apartment, I pack soup, corn, cheese, pear, sunflower seeds, chocolate-covered almonds, yogurt. Stretch my back. I want to spend the morning exercising. A good sweat would make me feel good.

I get to the office and it's not so bad. I have cinnamon sprinkled in my coffee and I start listening to podcast that immediately makes me laugh, but silently. I eat a piece of honeydew, it must be a pretty good piece of honeydew because it triggers a pleasant memory and I feel a little bit more like myself. The version of myself that I like.

Two more work days, and the weekend. I should sleep in on Saturday. Did I leave the iron on? I wish I could ring up Rusty to ask him. F, I'm gonna have to go home during a break to check on that. Speaking of Saturday, note to self, organize books and notes.

I am wearing a giant black ring but it is too heavy for my hands today. I keep it off, on the desk. I stroke the fake feather on my necklace while reading through the emails and try to not get my panties in a bunch about people who cannot write a real sentence. That's going to be the goal, to keep my panties unbunched and to keep the voiceover in my head to narrate in a calm, peaceful rhythmic way, to get me through this day.

Let's go.

the thrifting kind

These days I am always wanting a tomato, ripe, fresh, cut up, with sugar sprinkled on top. I feel I should make a transition to different types of squash, because it is fall now and all, and I will, but still, a tomato I shall have! My body asks for raw vegetables lately and you can’t eat a squash raw. Or can you? Yesterday, I ate two whole tomatoes, and felt good about it. Maybe having a tomato today would have helped, because I had a rough time getting through the work day. All I could think about was getting home to eat a tomato and lying down for 10 minutes. I also really wanted/needed to do some jogging/running, but let’s be real, I get home around 6:00 pm, Rusty demands an immediate outing, and then I make dinner, which wraps up around 7 or 7:30pm, and then its time to eat, and lately, THAT’S WHEN IT GETS DARK! It’s the worst.

And well, to be accurate, and to revert back to the original topic, I have been having butternut squash soup for lunch almost every day because V8 makes it so that it is just plain out delicious, so there you go, autumn. I also really like V8’s corn chowder soup, but they have not been appearing on the grocery store shelves these days. This is a lot of vegetable talk.

Moving on, the rest of this post is pictures – some snapshots of my Saturday morning at a few estate sales and then also an antique mall. Yes, an antique mall, one of them places that they have in strip malls sometimes. It was my first time at an antique mall, and it was overwhelming ‘cause it’s huge, and the items are on the pricier side, but if you forget about the prices, it’s like walking through a museum with stalls of varying themes. (All photos taken with the iPhone.)

The fabric painting I picked up at an estate sale (thanks care for grabbing it for me!)

The artist, Blair Appelson, thought about how this painting would look different at different times of the day, depending on the lighting.

It was really cool to find letters, pamphlets from an art show, and a description of the piece tucked in the back of this painting from 1977

The letter and art show poster from 1977.

a flower tower!

jewelry, flashback

the shed

@the antique mall

I WANT THIS COUCH

also, i maybe need this wardrobe.


i can't remember, but i think i liked this stall. what you can see though is that i'm red-white-and-blue. and drinking milk.

Blackie's Boys Annual!


where you learn things like, how to grab a naked leg.

Water, in a can. For fallout shelter, of course.

pretty much a Star Wars weekend

i am thinking i need this DIY Star Projector

Are you okay with the fact that I am obsessed with podcasts? If by you, I mean me, then yes, I'm totally fine with it. And speaking of obsessed, Star Wars is something that people get obsessed about, right? Not only is it obsession-inducing and fan-collecting, but it is extremely marketable. Case in point, when Ken and I were teaching Sunday school this past Sunday, and mind you these kids were 5 and 6 years old, there was at least 5 different references to Star Wars, i.e. 'I got a light saber for Christmas and it was like Darth Maul's!' etc, plus one boy wearing a Star Wars shirt with the Death Star on it. The funny thing about this though, which is what I'm writing about here, is that I totally knew and understood the reference - which I've never been able to before. How was it that I knew what Death Star and ewoks were, you ask? Well, it is because my handsome and enthusiastic husband was shocked that I had the puniest of knowledge of the cultural icon that is Star Wars, and decided that I should be educated. Which meant that once they released all six movies together, we got down to business, and I am proud (embarassed?) to report that we watched all six movies this past weekend, in their extended versions. Yes, that happened.

Let me clarify that this endeavor wasn't forced down my throat or anything. I like science fiction stories having to do with space well enough (Dune, Ender's game, anyone?), and I will engage in anything that has a good story, in general. It's just that the Star Wars bandwagon always seemed so full and so aggressive that it doesn't make any semi-interested person want to join in. Instead of growing up on the Star Wars movies, I basically grew up on Star Wars references, and when that happens, you just feel like it's too late to go back. I think I had watched half of a movie a long time ago, and that along with thousands of references (half of which were 'I am your Father' quotes), paints a confusing picture of the whole thing. So when husband suggested a more comprehensive experience, I was interested, I just didn't know we would watch it all in one go. But then again, never mind, I should have known.

As a person who watched this six-part movie series in a three-day period in the year 2011 (two movies a day), of which the first movie was released in 1977, I'd say it wasn't a bad way to do it. I got the whole story in one gulp, and it was nice to watch it with someone of would answer all my questions. I really liked how we started with the original movie, Episode IV, A New Hope (1977), which picks up in the middle of the story line, to the end, and then went back in story-line time (but forward in movie-production time) to Episode I, The Phantom Menace (2005). I liked this because for the most part, I enjoy knowing the ending to a story, and then having the details and the 'why' filled in for me. I enjoy the unfolding and the explanations. And this story line in particular, is a good one to do that with.

I'm still thinking about it, and I don't have anything new to add to the discussion of Star Wars so I'm not going to elaborate, critique or applaud it for its implications (blah blah) – I think that's been done and done. For this experience, I think it is enough to say that I really enjoyed it. Simply, I liked the adventures, how they went to different worlds, how they portrayed the different species, the personification of R2D2 and C3PO, the pod racing, the visual scenes, the construct of the Force and ways of the Jedi, the constant displays of courage, strong female characters, and the construct of good and evil. And like in any good versus evil story, Anakin's struggle within the grey area was compelling and that is what stood out to me the most. I think I thought about this as I was going to sleep last night, how interesting it was that George Lucas chose to use fear and anger as the catalyst that turns a Jedi from good to evil. Beyond that, I am choosing not to over-think or analyze the movies, and just take it for what it is, a good story within a fantasy world that is beloved by many. Also, it is extremely quotable, and now I know what the heck everyone is talking about. Glad I got my Star Wars education on, thanks husband.

This post got longer than I had meant it to be, but originally, I was also going to write something about how this weekend also contained some exciting thrifting activities. I went along with Caroline and Chris to a few estate sales on Saturday and browsed through lots of treasures (and junk). I'll do this in another post though, with pictures, maybe.

Happy (?) Monday, everyone!

Canadians, married musicians, and rave on Buddy Holly.

Does it say anything specific about me that some of my most favorite bands are made up of husband and wife? The Weepies, Mates of State, and Arcade Fire, to name a few. And speaking of, I am realizing more and more that I have a thing for Canadian bands, i.e. Stars, Mother Mother, and Tegan & Sara. In an over-generalized nutshell, my modern musical tastes tend to run towards married people and Canadians. Maybe it means that I want to start a band with my husband and move to Canada. Maybe it means I like the music vibe and creativity that married people and Canadians put out. Maybe it means nothing! It is definitely not the case that I choose bands according to this standard, but recently, I made a list of bands that are my favorite, defined by whether or not I would pay money to go see them perform live, and a whole bunch of them happen to fall into these two categories. Strange! I thought. But yes, I also love bands that are made up of people who are not married, and also those that are from other countries. I don't discriminate. In any case, all this to say, Mates of State has a new album out, called Mountaintops, and it is my current jam. If you like underground poptastic tunes that are both melodramtic and positive, this band does that.

Do you like how I have been blogging almost everyday? With more words than pictures? I can't stop writing for some reason. And I'm not even depressed or angry! (Which is usually when I do my most writing).

Since I started this post out with an album endorsement, I'll add in one more, which I haven't finished listening to yet, but want to recommend, anyways. The album is called, 'Rave on Buddy Holly', and it is a tribute album, made up of several artists that do covers of Buddy Holly songs. Check out this line-up: The Black Keys, Fiona Apple, Paul McCartney, Lou Reed, Cee Lo Green, My Morning Jacket, Modest Mouse, Patti Smith, Florence and the Machine, She & Him, and a few more. From what I've heard so far, there is a great variety of styles and interpretation of Buddy Holly's pop classics, and the different directions that these artists went with his songs are really interesting to discover. Whether or not you are a Buddy Holly fan, I think the album can serve as some sort of musical edification? We'll see.

Did you know Buddy Holly was only 22 when died in a 1959 plane crash? 22!

Cowboy

Another sign that I am retiring from the summer season, or at least accepting its curtain call, is that I start paying attention to the apples in the produce section of the grocery store, rather than the watermelons. I bought some golden crisps this morning and they were so delicious. Very crispy. If I had to describe each season with a foodie adjective, it would be that summer is juicy, autumn is crispy, winter is savory, and spring is sweet.

Whatever the season though, it is always the right time for a good story. Let's talk stories, old western stories, which I don't usually dabble in too much. Perhaps I am being unfair in not giving them too much of a chance, but most of it has to do with the fact that there are references to things that I don’t understand because I didn’t grow up on a ranch, and a sort of vernacular that trips me up when I try to get through the language to the story line. However! I listened to a great story today written by Thomas McGuane, called ‘Cowboy’, which was read by Sam Lipstye on then New Yorker’s Fiction podcast (yes, another podcast endorsement), and truly appreciated it for all that it did to my sensibilities.

The tone of the story is seemingly deadpan but it somehow comes off the page very lyrically, and for me, the narrative and characters are faint and etched lightly against the more sturdy, robust, and beautiful wood that is the language. I listened to this story two times. The first time I didn’t even pay attention to the story line, or try to make sense of what was actually happening. I just let the roll and weave of the sentences wash over me like music. It was incredibly soothing. Phrases like, ‘buffalo wallows’, ‘I’d been rustling my own grub’, ‘on account of they having a fire’, and lots of ‘son o’ bitches.’ Also, sentences like,‘I had rustled some yearlings, alright, but that’s not what I went up for,’ and “I was the weed.” And then there's this description, ‘The old fellow had several peculiarities to him. Most of which I’ve forgotten. He was one of the few fellows I’d ever heard of who would actually jump up and down on his hat if he got mad enough. You could imagine what his hat looked like.’

Then I listened to it a second time and let myself be carried on the backs of each of the sentences into the scenes that the author described. Come to think of it, getting involved in the story felt a lot like being on a slow horseback ride. Like a lazy and meandering crawl through the scenery, which let’s you see everything clearly, but you find that you also are being moved up and down on the back of the horse, falling into a rhythm that becomes both comforting and monumental. Monumental, of course, because you are aware that there is a 2000 pound animal underneath you. Yep, exactly like that. It is mesmerizing and I am so tickled by how I felt so closely held by this story, because it’s a genre and a setting that I usually find remote. Would it be going too far to say the story read like a story in a foreign language that I was surprised to find I understood?

It’s so true, what Sam Lipstye says about McGuane before he read the story, ‘Like all good fiction writers, he teaches you how to read the story as the story proceeds.’

Cruella de Ville, cooler weather, and weekend hurrah

pieces of the sky

Bon Iver, I'm totally into it, but also, slightly obnoxious? I don't know, something about the way he said, 'This song is about a bottle of wine, and virginities... in a dorm room', creeped me out. That man can croon, though.

I need to take a moment and commend the awesomeness that is NPR's Live Concert series. You can download live concerts by various musicians, and it is free. It makes my mornings super sweet.

Am I the only who was surprised by the cold weather this morning? I like fall, a lot, but I would like it more if my body didn't flip out every time the temperature dips below 60 degrees. Pathetic.

But speaking of fall, since I've been thinking about fall 2011's fashion line-up, I've also been thinking about how I want to wear tweed blazers all the time, with spiky heels, and eat crunchy apples while laying under colorful trees and reading a good book . I guess this is a shout-to to having spent my childhood in New England in the late '80s? Today, I saw a man wearing the most wonderful tweed blazer, in the most becoming of ways, and so maybe that also has something to do with my mood. Also, tweed blazers always remind me of my dad, and his professor-y uniform. Also, thinking about tweed blazers make me feel like I should refer to the season as 'autumn', rather than 'fall'. So it shall be.

This autumn weather is Rusty's jam. He loves it. Which is why I feel like Cruella de Ville when I drag him back inside in the mornings after a too quick of a walk. It's a terrible feeling – having to drag him back inside when he is digging his heels down because he wants to stay outside and gallop the fields. I tell him, 'Rusty, I gots to get to work, I'mma be late!' But I don't think he understands.

Is it just me, or does the changing of the season always turn one nostalgic? Especially autumn, more than any other season, gets me thinking about all the other autumns that I've lived, and new beginnings. January 1^st never fees like a new year (it's just another cold day dammit!), but the first few days of autumn weather makes me feel like a brand new penny. I walk down the street sniffing the air and all sorts of feelings swirl around. Today I walked some of the streets to get to Tropical Smoothie café and I felt buoyed click-clacking down the streets by the new seasonal air. I also felt super healthy sipping on my smoothie, but then I walked by Five Guys and had this feeling of wanting to get a giant hamburger and feed it to my face. I'm glad the feeling passed (for now). I think I would have regretted trying to eat a greasy hamburger during my break. I hope I apply the same sort of sensibilities when deliberating the decision between going to a wine tasting or going to the gym. Either way though, I think I win.

But then again, everyone wins, 'cause it's the freakin' weekend! Hurray!

from summer to fall

Pretty things in hues of fall. Yes, hues.

Chloe F/W 2011 Campaign Inspired by dearbette featuring face watches

Rag Bone gauze shirt
$225 - lagarconne.com

Chloé silk skirt
$1,995 - net-a-porter.com

Zara heel boots
$16 - zara.com

ASOS face watch
$55 - asos.com

Forever21 beaded ring
$3.80 - forever21.com

Tom Ford metal sunglasses
£185 - flannelsfashion.com

Brunello Cucinelli cognac belt
€219 - unger-fashion.com

Recollection Erin Clark 26x26 Gallery Quality Framed Art Print Scenic...
$150 - amazon.com

This polyvore set inspired by Chloe F/W 2011 makes the transition from summer to fall pretty sweet.

For this upcoming fall 2011, some of the trends are silk blouses! mustard and rust hues, dark blazers, oversized gold watches, soft pleats, hints of the '70s, and maybe a dash of House of Holland Fall 2011..

Fact: I don't like to buy too many fall and winter clothes because I harbor this secret hope/wish/expectation that we will move to a tropical place someday, where I won't need any sort of winter clothes. But this season I'm accepting the fact that it may not happen soon, and I really do need to get a super warm coat, etc. Also, I like the feel and shape of fall fashion this year. All of old school, classy and comfortable.

Below are some things for inspiring me into fall. Many of these things is out to space out of my price range, but thrifting, maybe?

1. Nars, Desperado
2. Hermes Birkin
3. Marc by Marc Jacobs tangerine bag
4. Grey jeans


1. A.P.C. wool tweed blazer
2. Silk Lucinda blouse
3. Forever 21 woven blazer
4. Vince Sequined georgette mini skirt


1. Olivia Palermo
2. Equipment Signature Silk Shirt
3. SMYTHE Piped blazer
4. Michael Kors Golden Oversized Watch



1. Equipment silk shirt
2. Prada
3. House of Holland, Fall 2011
4. Soft Joie Orly Pleated Silk Blouse

snapshots

Some snapshots from a weekend back in August with family.
Some of Richmond, some of Virginia Beach and some of Outer Banks.
Love.

Handsome Rusty

He is handsome, but he is afraid of a lot of things. That makes me think he does some sort of a lot of thinking inside.